Lonely and bored

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. The funny thing about dating...when we are in our teens and 20's, it is much easier for the girls. In the 30's, it is about the same. After forty, advantage man.

If I put up a profile on a dating site, I could have as much action as I can handle. (meaning, things do not rebound as fast as they used too). I could have a date that leads to action nearly every night.

There are two differences between me now (50's, divorced) and me back then (20's): money (I can afford to take someone out) and confidence (if she says no, no big deal, I can take the risk; back then, I was terrified of rejection).

I do not want to bed a different woman each night. I would rather meet one person and get to know her. I want someone who is confident in who she is, is financially independent (does not need my money), and is not crazy. She must be no drugs, no STD's, and no smoking. And she can not support the current administration. She has to be smart. My divorce was because my ex and I could not have a conversation. Oh, and if she has children, they have to come first. Similarly, my dd comes first.

I do not care about race or ethnicity.

And I do not do crazy.

I thought Weiner was in jail.

He wrote no crazy.

[Anonymous]

I am OP and I like all the candor in this thread. I think I narrowed down my problem to one of not really knowing what I want -- I like sex but am not willing to wait for The One (and am not keen on marriage, again) and yet, I want the companionship of one great guy, which doesn't happen when your profile is unambiguously inviting NSA sex.

So, I either have to deny my libido, or deny my heart/head, or hope that I fall into bed with the one that has it all -- which is sort of what an earlier poster said was the 20's MO.

I guess I need to get out more to do non-date stuff, which will be better for me anyway and give me more to talk about on dates.....if I ever have them again!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am OP and I like all the candor in this thread. I think I narrowed down my problem to one of not really knowing what I want -- I like sex but am not willing to wait for The One (and am not keen on marriage, again) and yet, I want the companionship of one great guy, which doesn't happen when your profile is unambiguously inviting NSA sex.

So, I either have to deny my libido, or deny my heart/head, or hope that I fall into bed with the one that has it all -- which is sort of what an earlier poster said was the 20's MO.

I guess I need to get out more to do non-date stuff, which will be better for me anyway and give me more to talk about on dates.....if I ever have them again!!

You should setup a dcum account. I would hangout with you and if you wanted more than so be it.
Just a thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am OP and I like all the candor in this thread. I think I narrowed down my problem to one of not really knowing what I want -- I like sex but am not willing to wait for The One (and am not keen on marriage, again) and yet, I want the companionship of one great guy, which doesn't happen when your profile is unambiguously inviting NSA sex.

So, I either have to deny my libido, or deny my heart/head, or hope that I fall into bed with the one that has it all -- which is sort of what an earlier poster said was the 20's MO.

I guess I need to get out more to do non-date stuff, which will be better for me anyway and give me more to talk about on dates.....if I ever have them again!!

Yes, I think many of us are in this situation. I think you are clear on what you want, but as a previous poster said, it seems much easier for men to meet many women who fit their criteria and not the same the other way round for us. I just had this play out recently as I mentioned before-met someone I really liked online for the first time ever but I guess had sex too soon (second date). I never ever do that but it felt right on this one occasion because I felt he was different. With retrospect, I should have waited as I obviously got judged for that. Golf and sierra club are maybe the way to go!

[Anonymous]

With retrospect, I should have waited as I obviously got judged for that.

No, but maybe you threw yourself at the exact same prince as lots of other women. He had no interest in taking you seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am OP and I like all the candor in this thread. I think I narrowed down my problem to one of not really knowing what I want -- I like sex but am not willing to wait for The One (and am not keen on marriage, again) and yet, I want the companionship of one great guy, which doesn't happen when your profile is unambiguously inviting NSA sex.

So, I either have to deny my libido, or deny my heart/head, or hope that I fall into bed with the one that has it all -- which is sort of what an earlier poster said was the 20's MO.

I guess I need to get out more to do non-date stuff, which will be better for me anyway and give me more to talk about on dates.....if I ever have them again!!

So if I m reading correctly, what you are looking for is a good long term relationship to develop, but while that is happening, you do not want to live as a nun, but you don't want to lay down with anyone who comes along. You want to be attracted and have companionship while you figure out if this is good...

[Anonymous]

Is it all about men? Because you can address “lonely and bored” in a lot of different ways if not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it all about men? Because you can address “lonely and bored” in a lot of different ways if not.

Relationship forum: for people interested in relationships.

[Anonymous]

The problem is that adults have forgotten how to actually date. Your choices aren’t a) nun or b) town bicycle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

With retrospect, I should have waited as I obviously got judged for that.

No, but maybe you threw yourself at the exact same prince as lots of other women. He had no interest in taking you seriously.

That’s possible! I am sure he has lots of options like any other attractive man on these sites. Your comment actually makes me feel better-it’s not really about me. I need to not dwell on it as clearly I have been doing so!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it all about men? Because you can address “lonely and bored” in a lot of different ways if not.

Relationship forum: for people interested in relationships.

So “relationships” are exclusively romantic/sexual in this forum? I misunderstood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh, really? I have no trouble finding guys to go on casual dates and have sex with but that isn't what I want. I want a monogamous relationship. Instead I meet good looking interesting guys who want to take me out to nice places and then have sex within several dates but never commit. Sounds like that is what you want. I am 41 and never been married and don't have kids. Have been primarily dating divorced dads the past year and that is what I get. I'm ok looking but nothing spectacular.

I feel just like this. I meet interesting attractive men and it feels like things are going well and then suddenly that’s it, no contact. I feel sad and like it’s never going to work out but I would like a relationship. My friends, both men and women, think it’s odd too-I asked them their opinion of me/dating potential, honestly! Maybe I have sex too quickly but I feel like I do it when i am ready. Seems like the men I meet are looking for something different but I wish there could just be more honesty. It’s tough!

I posted what you are responding to and also the above about waiting to have sex. I really feel like women need to hold men to higher standards of behavior, ask them about their intent and whether they will be exclusive if they are sleeping together before they have sex rather than have sex and hope it becomes exclusive. Online dating makes it easier for men to just casually sleep with women and move on and not commit. If women didnt sleep with men so casually and quickly, men couldn't get away with this poor behavior. Women are letting men treat them like crap. We deserve better and we should ask for better and if we don't get it, move on until we find someone who does treat us well.

I think you are probably right. I have always felt sex was right when I felt comfortable and another way of seeing what someone is really like but that approach just hasn’t worked. The man moves on and I just feel sad as I think we had a real connection. It was just words to him i guess, but I meant it. What acmess! I am rethinking what I do. Thanks for posting-it helps to know you and probably many of us have the same experience

50s M divorced: don’t hold out for too long as I know you can date many people at once. I have my kids 50% of the time so I don’t have as many opportunities to go out. Perhaps be up font about what you want. I don’t have the time or inclination to play the field and want an ltr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Idk. I'm looking for sex, like a guy in my bed from whenever I go to sleep until after morning sex. Not sure how to find that either.

This sounds great. I'm in if we can find a way to convince my wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Lots of online dating is really just online mating. As long as plenty of women are giving it away on first or second dates men will take all they can get.

“Giving it away”? An adult has sex because she enjoys it. And I and no shortage of other people married after having sex early on, and living together too.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP you can get a fwb to keep while you are dating. This helps calm the sexual anxiety and hold out to see if he was real. Craigslist was great for this but its down now. A work building fling is good too, not the same company but the same or adjacent building.