Daughter refuses to check her admissions portals, what to do?

[Anonymous]

Tell her to check and stand there while she does it, or do it yourself and then tell her verbally. The key here is tell, not ask.

I'm taking it that you don't have her passwords yourself, already? I get it -- we're all told to let our kids drive the process, etc., but frankly too much rides on it not to at least be able to go into her information if needed. That would be the case even if everything were going perfectly smoothly, and it's really needed now that things aren't (in her head at least). I would tell her (not asking, telling) that it's non-negotiable that she'll give them to you now and you'll look first and can either give her good news or soften the blow, but either way, this is happening. You can choose whether to say this or not, but: If she's old enough to apply to college, she's old enough to see the results. She's worried and upset and fears being embarrassed, but you ALL need to know, and bluntly, she's not acting mature enough to be a college student if she hides from bad news and makes assumptions that could cost her an entire college career at a school she wanted. She may need to hear that.

I'd remind her that HER college plans, whatever they turn out to be, affect not just her but your whole family's finances; this coming summer's schedule for everyone (not just her); siblings' future choices; and many other things that are about the whole family. So she needs to do her part as a member of the family and look, now. Rip off the Band-Aid.

And yes, she may indeed lose an acceptance she wanted if she does nothing (though I'm not sure how she's getting away with just saying no to a parent directly telling her to check). Point out how losing an acceptance this way, through sheer lack of clicking a few keys tonight, would be FAR worse and much more upsetting for years to come than finding out NOW that she got a rejection.

If she still hunkers down and refuses to give you passwords or whatever, when you tell (not ask) her to rip off that bandage, then I would probably give just one shot to this: Have a trusted teacher or other non-family adult, or best of all a friend who is already in college or just out of college, tell her she must do this now. A friend who can say, "This seems huge now but it truly is not," could make the difference. Maybe she'd even sit down with a friend and check the portals. But I wouldn't spend too long on this tactic, good as it could be; she may already be missing deadlines.

[Anonymous]

Or ask her school college counselor - they can find out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drive the 4 hours. Teenagers are emotionally insane lunatics - you don’t want her hanging around next year, do you? Keep your eyes on the prize and take a little trip.

Going next week anyways. But I can see her gmail inbox, she's receive zero new student, welcome, invite to admit weekend emails. I'm fairly sure every college sends admits at least one email after decision day.

So you're now making the same assumptions she is making: No e-mail means rejections.

If she does miss out on an acceptance because you, too, bought into her assumptions--wow.

And it's not about the e-mails telling her, or you, what's going on. She needs to grow up and look at the portals, which is where the colleges told her the information would be.

See the earlier post that said, "Nearly all of the info for my DDs schools went through the portal. And WL notices needed to be responded to to stay on the list."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or ask her school college counselor - they can find out.

The counselor is going to tell her to look at the portals. Rightly so. Don't make this another thing a counselor has to do. It's not on the counselor.

[Anonymous]

Isn't the lack of emails a pretty safe assumption?

She will eventually look at the portals. And she's already holding an early acceptance. Just not a college she's totally into is all. She'll be fine and come around. I am just curious is all about the emails.

And either way, I'll be at the other house on Thursday.

[Anonymous]

No email invites to admitted student events = rejections

[Anonymous]

Another helicopter parent. How did generations of high schoolers managed their lives before parents like you started babying your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or ask her school college counselor - they can find out.

The counselor is going to tell her to look at the portals. Rightly so. Don't make this another thing a counselor has to do. It's not on the counselor.

Of course I had the portal password for my daughter’s ED school, even though I didn’t check it. She checked right on the day they said it would be ready.

In terms of not wanting to bother the counselor it depends on the school. My kids are in private and each counselor had 35 kids so it’s not a huge deal. You would need to connect with them to discuss options either way. It’s their job, after all.

[Anonymous]

How does a counselor know? And if the counselor does know and didn't say anything, isn't that joining the lack of emails in the all rejections column? I feel like her counselor would call her down if she could see she got into a top 20 university.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn't the lack of emails a pretty safe assumption?

She will eventually look at the portals. And she's already holding an early acceptance. Just not a college she's totally into is all. She'll be fine and come around. I am just curious is all about the emails.

And either way, I'll be at the other house on Thursday.

She’s not holding any acceptances - just one WL. She needs to find out what’s going on and deal.

[Anonymous]

She already checked - and she knows they are all rejections and she is afraid to tell you.

[Anonymous]

The whole passwords, portals, etc. drives me insane. In an effort to "let my child drive the process," we assumed he'd keep track of all of that information. Turns out, he didn't, and so now has no idea what the various passwords were, etc. It's been very stressful waiting around for him to sort it all out. Now I wish I had just helicoptered away and insisted on him giving us the passwords at the start of this process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She already checked - and she knows they are all rejections and she is afraid to tell you.

This.

[Anonymous]

Is OP this clueless?? For each school that your child applied to, they chose a secure name and password which allows you to enter the portal. They also had to provide an email address. Typically, the school sends an email stating WHEN results are available (look in spam and junk mail too). Accepted, rejected or waitlist. Very few schools still use snail mail. Sit down with your child and look for each decision. If you can't find it, CALL THE SCHOOL. Deposits must be made by May 1.

Schools are not sending multiple emails. They are waiting for YOU to make a decision.

[Anonymous]

"No email invites to admitted student events = rejections"

This is 100% not true. Our DC got into 9 schools. Two of them still do everything through the mail. I will add that both of them are pretty small and don't have huge endowments.

********If she won't check and wants to assume all rejections, then she has to start applying to colleges that have mid-April or later deadlines.********

https://blog.prepscholar.com/colleges-with-late-application-deadlines-complete-list

Gettysburg College 4/15, Clemson University 5/1, University of Arizona 5/1, University of New Mexico 6/15, University of Hawaii - West Oahu 7/1, University of Wyoming 7/15

As you can see, the situation is not bad until 5/1. There are a few reasonable choices through July 1 and there are still "options" in August.