Daughter refuses to check her admissions portals, what to do?

[Anonymous]

4hr RT

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One school accepted our son and gave him basically 30 days to accept their offer of admission. Once he accepted their offer they would mail out his acceptance letter. He did not wind up going with that school but the bottom line is - do not assume that snail mail will give you the complete picture.

She NEEDS to look at her portal. She might miss the boat on an offer if she doesn't. Plus, it's time to start thinking about scheduling orientation, choosing a dorm, etc.

On social media, it seemed all the top 20 colleges posted pictures of admissions officers mailing boxes and boxes full of acceptance packages. I think those are sent automatically.

If that is OP immediately above: You're still relying on "I think" and other assumptions? Based now on social media photos? You were just saying that you were also assuming that no email means rejection. All this assuming based on...nothing. Are you really not seeing the posts here from people noting that some colleges DO use snail mail and some require a response in 30 days etc.? Those responding are parents telling you they have actually been through this process, but you keep assuming what you want and buying into your DD's not opening the portals. Why were you worried in the original post but now you're as scared as she is to just look?

Agre with PP who said just sit down with her and force the issue, now.

It isn't even about the process any more; it's about DD being immature and OP apparently being willing now to let social media and assumptions tell both of them what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another helicopter parent. How did generations of high schoolers managed their lives before parents like you started babying your kids?

I can tell you that being a concerned parent is not the same thing as being a helicopter parent. Wanting to know whether or not your kid has been accepted anywhere is not being nosy or "helicoptering".

My own son decided which schools to apply to within certain parameters set by us, we didn't see his essays or help him fill out his applications. I actually offered (and wanted) to be more involved in the process than I was. But my son wanted to handle it all himself and he did handle it all himself.

I remember being just like that when I was his age...I know where he gets it from.

[Anonymous]

And in the end you still have a non-compliant child and come college enrollment, EVERYTHING will go only to your child via school portal so you will rely on her for info. This does not bode well for you or for her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to grow up. Check the portals, cheer or sulk as necessary, and then plan next steps. She loses phone and car privileges until she stops behaving like a brat.

This.

+100

Either this or realize that your daughter is telling you in a big way that she does not want to go to college and fears it. She needs to be talking to a therapist. Gap year, too. It sounds like she's not ready and you are ramming this down her throat.

[Anonymous]

Elite RD admission rates are like 1-5%. Chances are it's all rejections, maybe a single meaningless waitlist option.

[Anonymous]

Our kid was accepted ED. No emails from the college since the acceptance in December. There was a mailed packet and forms on the portal. The portal definitely should be checked. Better to know and move on then sit and worry.

[Anonymous]

Check her trash folder.
SHe might not have been smart enough to empty it.

[Anonymous]

Why did you use the summer house address?

[Anonymous]

What are her stats and where did she apply? DCUMs can tell you if she got in!

[Anonymous]

I don't think anyone has mentioned this part... have you put yourself in your DD's shoes? Here's the thing - if she's delaying looking at her portals, is it because she's anxious, etc? If so, this is a prime teaching opportunity. RIP THE BANDAID. Otherwise, this may become a life long habit. (Don't want possible disappointment, going to keep my head in the sand).

I'm like that in some cases and it is never worth it. better to help her NOW to understand that delaying "pain" is a very bad tactic. Rip the band aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She already checked - and she knows they are all rejections and she is afraid to tell you.

This.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No email invites to admitted student events = rejections

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you use the summer house address?

Soon to be empty nesters planning to move soon. Or recent or pending move, with summer house being more stable long-term. My guesses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you use the summer house address?

Yes, why? That is so weird ...