Reply to Daughter refuses to check her admissions portals, what to do?

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[quote=Anonymous]Tell her to check and stand there while she does it, or do it yourself and then tell her verbally. The key here is tell, not ask.

I'm taking it that you don't have her passwords yourself, already? I get it -- we're all told to let our kids drive the process, etc., but frankly too much rides on it not to at least be able to go into her information if needed. That would be the case even if everything were going perfectly smoothly, and it's really needed now that things aren't (in her head at least). I would tell her (not asking, telling) that it's non-negotiable that she'll give them to you now and you'll look first and can either give her good news or soften the blow, but either way, this is happening. You can choose whether to say this or not, but: If she's old enough to apply to college, she's old enough to see the results. She's worried and upset and fears being embarrassed, but you ALL need to know, and bluntly, she's not acting mature enough to be a college student if she hides from bad news and makes assumptions that could cost her an entire college career at a school she wanted. She may need to hear that.

I'd remind her that HER college plans, whatever they turn out to be, affect not just her but your whole family's finances; this coming summer's schedule for everyone (not just her); siblings' future choices; and many other things that are about the whole family. So she needs to do her part as a member of the family and look, now. Rip off the Band-Aid.

And yes, she may indeed lose an acceptance she wanted if she does nothing (though I'm not sure how she's getting away with just saying no to a parent directly telling her to check). Point out how losing an acceptance this way, through sheer lack of clicking a few keys tonight, would be FAR worse and much more upsetting for years to come than finding out NOW that she got a rejection.

If she still hunkers down and refuses to give you passwords or whatever, when you tell (not ask) her to rip off that bandage, then I would probably give just one shot to this: Have a trusted teacher or other non-family adult, or best of all a friend who is already in college or just out of college, tell her she must do this now. A friend who can say, "This seems huge now but it truly is not," could make the difference. Maybe she'd even sit down with a friend and check the portals. But I wouldn't spend too long on this tactic, good as it could be; she may already be missing deadlines. 
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