High Achieving Parent With Average/Below-Average Kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I am admittedly a Type-A overachiever parent, which is both good and bad for a variety of reasons. But I am having some internal struggles because both of my two kids are solidly average or below-average students. Of course, I love them and am proud of their achievements and strengths (the below-average student is artistic and creative. The average student is resilient and athletic). But I also feel some sense of disappointment that they (probably) won't be the kids who go to top notch high schools, private schools, or first or second tier colleges. At least if what I am seeing now holds true. Maybe it's a DC area thing, where test scores and numerical assessments are golden and define a kid - from SOLs to NNAT to COGAT to WISC even before the SSAT, but most of the parents and colleagues in my social/professional circles have kids who are in AAP in elementary or honors in Middle or applying to TJ or Sidwell or have their sights set on UVA or VA Tech or these other high achieving schools. I really want that for my children, because it is what I had, and it opened so many doors for me academically and professionally, but I just don't know if it will be for them. they are in late elementary now, and nowhere near honors or AAP. I am happy they are passing in the general pop. LOL. I'm not sure what I am asking in this post, but I wonder if others have similar experiences and what you are doing to help figure it out? Are you lowering standards? Are you pushing hard with tutors? I haven't done those things yet, because i want them to be happy and well rounded. But they just aren't strong students.

Not only is it what you had, but it's all you know. Rather than push your kids harder along the path you took, take a step back and see if they aren't trying to walk on a different road. There are different ways to "success." Their creativity and resiliency may serve them as well or better than your test scores served you. Yes, they need to do as well as they can in school, but they also need to develop their own gifts, which will be the source of any success they have in life.

[Anonymous]

OP, get a grip. I am like you - I was always an academic superstar, and was always (and generally still am) the smartest person in the room. I am highly succesful in my field, which generally requires analytical skills.

My DS is very different - he is not strong academically, but he is a wonderful musician and has a very high emotional intelligence - he gets along well with everybody.

He's not better or worse than me - he's just different. I find it amazing that my child has so many different skills than I do. I suggest you do the same.

[Anonymous]

Just remember, OP, that type B people are often happier and healthier in life than type A people. We type A parents often lose sight of the goal: happy and healthy children. Celebrate the fact that you have type B kid.

[Anonymous]

I haven't even read the OP's post but this subject line is the most DCUM subject line of all time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adhd?

Why is it that in DCUM land if a kid isn't high achieving, it's assumed they must have ADHD or a learning disability? Maybe the kid is just honestly average.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't even read the OP's post but this subject line is the most DCUM subject line of all time.

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really hate people who identify as "Type A." I feel no sympathy for you, OP. I do have sympathy for your kids.

(And I went to a top-10 college.)

OP is using a familiar description, type A, whats the big deal? Why don't you feel sympathy for them? It not a choice to be type A, it is just a personality type...

I think its great that a "Type A" parent is trying to better understand their children! I would have been grateful if my mom had taken even one minute of her time to consider herself "type A" so that she could have better parented her "type b" kid (me)!

[Anonymous]

I don't know about now but Tech seemed pretty easy to get into. One of my kids is a slacker and I feel like he's not reaching his potential. The other one is too young to tell. Some parents really push to get their kids in the advanced schools, but what does it really matter in elementary school? They are still young. I wouldn't worry yet.

[Anonymous]

OP, curious, are you male or female? Children inherit intelligence from the mother... google it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adhd?

Why is it that in DCUM land if a kid isn't high achieving, it's assumed they must have ADHD or a learning disability? Maybe the kid is just honestly average.

Because if we can call it ADHD, there are pills and accommodations to "fix" it.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this is a Type A/average student parent/kid problem. I think this is a my kid isn't exactly how I thought they would be (in other words, just like me) problem.

My DH and I are both quite athletic. Both played organized sports our entire lives. My oldest son could care less about sports. Not interested. And when this was all taking shape, I had to be honest with myself and admit I was disappointed. But I was also self-aware to realize that a) it's his life not mine b) it's not about me and c) I need to get over myself and support who he is. Fast.

So that is my advice to you OP. Get over yourself. Fast. They're not mini-mes. They are their own people and your job is to support them and love them on THEIR path. Not push them to replicate your path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, curious, are you male or female? Children inherit intelligence from the mother... google it.

Pop science myth alert!

[Anonymous]

I agree that this is more OP's problem than her kids'. Learn to chill. So what if they are below average? Do you think your own kids suck? Are you mad about it? Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really hate people who identify as "Type A." I feel no sympathy for you, OP. I do have sympathy for your kids.

(And I went to a top-10 college.)

OP is using a familiar description, type A, whats the big deal? Why don't you feel sympathy for them? It not a choice to be type A, it is just a personality type...

I think its great that a "Type A" parent is trying to better understand their children! I would have been grateful if my mom had taken even one minute of her time to consider herself "type A" so that she could have better parented her "type b" kid (me)!

I agree!

I am also a type A parent trying not to impose my A-ness on my very sweet type B daughter. I find myself struggling to overcome my type A tendencies all the time because I don't want her to be similarly neurotic, but it's HARD.

[Anonymous]

My kids attend a DC private school discussed often in the Private School forum (a top 5). They are near MS and there are plenty of average and a few below average kids in their classes. People don’t admit to having average or below average kids.