High Achieving Parent With Average/Below-Average Kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boy you guys are all in for a rude awakening when your kids are old enough to work. They will not make as much as us. The economy and job market will look nothing like it looks right now. Most jobs will become automated. Our kids are going to be playing in a different kind of playing field.

+1 This

[Anonymous]

i'm dealing with the opposite. A very social kid with brightness that i think is beyond his years while the parents are just mediocre.

[Anonymous]

OP, I can relate (school was easy for me, not as easy for my kid). Apart from achievement and future concerns, I really do think there are certain things my kid should know and skills they should develop. If they come home with a math test in the 70s or 80s percentile, I will look at what they got wrong. Was it because they didn't understand? Is it because they were in a rush and sloppy? If it's because of either reason, there is reason to work with them to improve. My issue is that I need to make more time to sit down with them and actually do this. I don't think it's a bad idea to employ a tutor if you can afford it and you don't have the time to do it yourself. I think it's better to build a foundation of good skills (my child is in late elementary) than to just "let them be" until they are self motivated.

[Anonymous]

Are you the mom? You know the smart gene is only inherited from moms, right? What with you being so high achieving, hence smart?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the mom? You know the smart gene is only inherited from moms, right? What with you being so high achieving, hence smart?

Isn’t this a myth? Can you back this up?

[Anonymous]

I went to a high achieving high school filled with overly anxious, socially awkward, high achievers who went to Ivy League colleges. Myself included. It sucked. My friends from elementary and middle school who all went to our local high school did just fine and have well rounded, interesting lives.

My goal is to raise an average kid who is perfectly happy and well rounded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recruit people for a living. Myth #1 you have to go to a top (Ivy) school to make $$. Myth #2 - you have to be "educated" (go to a really good college or something) to really be educated. Myth #3 - You have to make $ to be happy (need material, comforts, etc) in life.

And now I will use myself as a perfect example on how these are truly myths. I make a really good living and have great flexibility as a contract corporate recruiter (I could if I wanted to make more and get back into search as a headhunter or corporate management). I have a great livelihood yet I hate my job and often wish I hadn't sold out for the $$. Love what you do because life is long and you PP who suggest that your kids will be happier with $$ - yes but how they come to make that $$ will determine how happy the whole of their lives are. With a family, I'm not going to change careers realistically - I am locked into this career. But yes, I've always made a lot of $$. A lot of people would see my life as very successful. I live in a $1M+ house and more or less, I work flex hours and financially, count my blessings. My parents had their own business and made their first million dollars at age 40. The most miserable people I know and divorced with nobody (not even me their only kid because they messed up with me just focused on making money). My parents were you pp who encouraged me to do whatever I could in life to make $. I think they and you are right, having $ is better than not having $. BUT the thing is you have to love what you are doing and find a way to make $ in that career. It's not chasing the $ because at a certain age, even the $ does not sustain. DO NOT set your kids up for what I go through today. I am a firm believer and I've seen this in my professional life - you CAN make a lot of $ and be wildly successful in ANY PROFESSION. In this day and age, there are just so many ways to do that. The more important factor is you truly love what you do or you have a talent that you want to develop and become really really good at that. Be true to yourself and be happy doing what you choose to do. The $ will ALWAYS come. If $ is what you want, you will naturally find a way to make it.

I went to GWU - is it considered a top school? I don't really think so but it's a good school. I interview for a living top MBAs from good schools and top (including ivy) schools. Education is about being well-rounded. It's a feeling that you love to learn and you love to read. Sense is more important than education. If you have sense, you can learn anywhere, anyhow, anytime. Education is great. I'm very pro education. I am not pro formal schooling however. If you were wanting to become an attorney, doctor, engineer then by all means the game requires you to get a top formal education to learn the techniques of the trade. But that again is only technique. If you have little sense about you, I promise no ivy school is going to help you out in life. I had a Harvard MBA give me his 9 page resume filled with very little to do with anything at his job interview with me. That is a case of a smart enough guy who got into Harvard who is a total idiot.

I say again, unless you are wanting a professional career in law, medicine, maybe science/engineering, you don't need an ivy education. I hire people for a living. While it is EASIER to get hired to work for someone else in executive management with a business degree out of a top school, it is not necessary to do so. If you choose to want to go into a top program for the sole purpose of wanting that for your own desire, that's awesome and nothing wrong with it. But you absolutely can do well at a company without a top degree. Retained executive search does look for pedigree and who you know does account for quite a bit of how quickly/easily you can rise to the top anywhere but cream rises to the top no matter what in a manner of speaking

Parents should let their kids be who they are. There is nothing wrong with a kid who naturally has an affinity toward higher education but also nothing wrong with a kid who might want to say go to community college (or trade school as my son will likely do). There's a zillion ways in this day and age to make a career and thus $$ you all know that right? The business model is changing - the large companies are getting larger and there's a zillion smaller companies and moreover, freelance talent out there. This means greater flexibility, entrepreneurship and greater diversity in the work environment. Who your kids is will determine more than anything, how happy and well they do in life.

Well, it all depends on what you mean by success as a PP wrote. If you are thinking mid 6 figures and $1m+ house that is very successful certainly compared to the average population. However if you are in Manhattan, Westside LA, Bay Area, certain parts of Chicago, Boston, NYC then the fact is that is entry level. It's all perspective. If you are living in the best school districts in the largest most cosmopolitan cities and/or going to private school with 2-3 kids then you're going to have to make more money and you'll probably end up living in a house that's multiple millions...It sounds obscene to the average person but that's unfortunately how big the weatlh gap has gotten. Just look at what an average family home cost in nice neighborhoods all over California--my guess is a home that would cost a few hundred k in a lot of cities will cost $2.5m or so in LA, SD, Bay Area, or OC. Same for other big cities in the US. How do you buy a home like that on $500k in your 30's when you start a family without family money?

So are you saying that all the kids who grow up in Palo Alto, Newport Beach, Bel Air, La Jolla, Scarsdale, Rye, Greenwich, Weston, Medina, Highland Park, Winnetka, etc should never be able to move back into the neighborhood they grew up in? Or, that if they did, they would be raising their families in apartments or condos? Again, I'm not trying to judge who is happier and maybe the point is no one should raise their kids in those communities? But if they grow up there, they are going to probably have to make mid six figures at least--and, then, they are going to be looking at financial pressure/trade-offs that many people who make less living in lower cost areas would take for granted as a part of their lifestyle.

They can easily afford Highland Park making $200k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recruit people for a living. Myth #1 you have to go to a top (Ivy) school to make $$. Myth #2 - you have to be "educated" (go to a really good college or something) to really be educated. Myth #3 - You have to make $ to be happy (need material, comforts, etc) in life.

And now I will use myself as a perfect example on how these are truly myths. I make a really good living and have great flexibility as a contract corporate recruiter (I could if I wanted to make more and get back into search as a headhunter or corporate management). I have a great livelihood yet I hate my job and often wish I hadn't sold out for the $$. Love what you do because life is long and you PP who suggest that your kids will be happier with $$ - yes but how they come to make that $$ will determine how happy the whole of their lives are. With a family, I'm not going to change careers realistically - I am locked into this career. But yes, I've always made a lot of $$. A lot of people would see my life as very successful. I live in a $1M+ house and more or less, I work flex hours and financially, count my blessings. My parents had their own business and made their first million dollars at age 40. The most miserable people I know and divorced with nobody (not even me their only kid because they messed up with me just focused on making money). My parents were you pp who encouraged me to do whatever I could in life to make $. I think they and you are right, having $ is better than not having $. BUT the thing is you have to love what you are doing and find a way to make $ in that career. It's not chasing the $ because at a certain age, even the $ does not sustain. DO NOT set your kids up for what I go through today. I am a firm believer and I've seen this in my professional life - you CAN make a lot of $ and be wildly successful in ANY PROFESSION. In this day and age, there are just so many ways to do that. The more important factor is you truly love what you do or you have a talent that you want to develop and become really really good at that. Be true to yourself and be happy doing what you choose to do. The $ will ALWAYS come. If $ is what you want, you will naturally find a way to make it.

I went to GWU - is it considered a top school? I don't really think so but it's a good school. I interview for a living top MBAs from good schools and top (including ivy) schools. Education is about being well-rounded. It's a feeling that you love to learn and you love to read. Sense is more important than education. If you have sense, you can learn anywhere, anyhow, anytime. Education is great. I'm very pro education. I am not pro formal schooling however. If you were wanting to become an attorney, doctor, engineer then by all means the game requires you to get a top formal education to learn the techniques of the trade. But that again is only technique. If you have little sense about you, I promise no ivy school is going to help you out in life. I had a Harvard MBA give me his 9 page resume filled with very little to do with anything at his job interview with me. That is a case of a smart enough guy who got into Harvard who is a total idiot.

I say again, unless you are wanting a professional career in law, medicine, maybe science/engineering, you don't need an ivy education. I hire people for a living. While it is EASIER to get hired to work for someone else in executive management with a business degree out of a top school, it is not necessary to do so. If you choose to want to go into a top program for the sole purpose of wanting that for your own desire, that's awesome and nothing wrong with it. But you absolutely can do well at a company without a top degree. Retained executive search does look for pedigree and who you know does account for quite a bit of how quickly/easily you can rise to the top anywhere but cream rises to the top no matter what in a manner of speaking

Parents should let their kids be who they are. There is nothing wrong with a kid who naturally has an affinity toward higher education but also nothing wrong with a kid who might want to say go to community college (or trade school as my son will likely do). There's a zillion ways in this day and age to make a career and thus $$ you all know that right? The business model is changing - the large companies are getting larger and there's a zillion smaller companies and moreover, freelance talent out there. This means greater flexibility, entrepreneurship and greater diversity in the work environment. Who your kids is will determine more than anything, how happy and well they do in life.

Well, it all depends on what you mean by success as a PP wrote. If you are thinking mid 6 figures and $1m+ house that is very successful certainly compared to the average population. However if you are in Manhattan, Westside LA, Bay Area, certain parts of Chicago, Boston, NYC then the fact is that is entry level. It's all perspective. If you are living in the best school districts in the largest most cosmopolitan cities and/or going to private school with 2-3 kids then you're going to have to make more money and you'll probably end up living in a house that's multiple millions...It sounds obscene to the average person but that's unfortunately how big the weatlh gap has gotten. Just look at what an average family home cost in nice neighborhoods all over California--my guess is a home that would cost a few hundred k in a lot of cities will cost $2.5m or so in LA, SD, Bay Area, or OC. Same for other big cities in the US. How do you buy a home like that on $500k in your 30's when you start a family without family money?

So are you saying that all the kids who grow up in Palo Alto, Newport Beach, Bel Air, La Jolla, Scarsdale, Rye, Greenwich, Weston, Medina, Highland Park, Winnetka, etc should never be able to move back into the neighborhood they grew up in? Or, that if they did, they would be raising their families in apartments or condos? Again, I'm not trying to judge who is happier and maybe the point is no one should raise their kids in those communities? But if they grow up there, they are going to probably have to make mid six figures at least--and, then, they are going to be looking at financial pressure/trade-offs that many people who make less living in lower cost areas would take for granted as a part of their lifestyle.

They can easily afford Highland Park making $200k.

Seriously - the North Shore is much more affordable than DC. My BIL lives there in a large, 4 bedroom home in an ideal location (quiet street, couple two blocks from train/shops), walk to nice beach and their house would sell for mid-$600Ks. there are smaller homes for people looking to spend less (and giant homes for those who want a mansion).

[Anonymous]

Popping in as the black person here just laughing hysterically at so much of this. I am pretty much on the same page as Asian mom from page 3. I am going to push my kids HARD because I can't afford not to.

As someone who attended a top 20 school who has spent much of my career being treated as though I'm only in the room because of my skin color and not my abilities - I can tell you this OP and hopefully it will help you sleep at night - your average kids are still in the room with me. They are the ones who don't deserve to be there and have been there with me at every step of the way because of their privileged parents who paved the way and were able to buy the things that I had to claw and fight and work hard for.

So OP, your kids will be ok. And when you die, they will inherit your million plus house and assets and other investments and be even better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recruit people for a living. Myth #1 you have to go to a top (Ivy) school to make $$. Myth #2 - you have to be "educated" (go to a really good college or something) to really be educated. Myth #3 - You have to make $ to be happy (need material, comforts, etc) in life.

And now I will use myself as a perfect example on how these are truly myths. I make a really good living and have great flexibility as a contract corporate recruiter (I could if I wanted to make more and get back into search as a headhunter or corporate management). I have a great livelihood yet I hate my job and often wish I hadn't sold out for the $$. Love what you do because life is long and you PP who suggest that your kids will be happier with $$ - yes but how they come to make that $$ will determine how happy the whole of their lives are. With a family, I'm not going to change careers realistically - I am locked into this career. But yes, I've always made a lot of $$. A lot of people would see my life as very successful. I live in a $1M+ house and more or less, I work flex hours and financially, count my blessings. My parents had their own business and made their first million dollars at age 40. The most miserable people I know and divorced with nobody (not even me their only kid because they messed up with me just focused on making money). My parents were you pp who encouraged me to do whatever I could in life to make $. I think they and you are right, having $ is better than not having $. BUT the thing is you have to love what you are doing and find a way to make $ in that career. It's not chasing the $ because at a certain age, even the $ does not sustain. DO NOT set your kids up for what I go through today. I am a firm believer and I've seen this in my professional life - you CAN make a lot of $ and be wildly successful in ANY PROFESSION. In this day and age, there are just so many ways to do that. The more important factor is you truly love what you do or you have a talent that you want to develop and become really really good at that. Be true to yourself and be happy doing what you choose to do. The $ will ALWAYS come. If $ is what you want, you will naturally find a way to make it.

I went to GWU - is it considered a top school? I don't really think so but it's a good school. I interview for a living top MBAs from good schools and top (including ivy) schools. Education is about being well-rounded. It's a feeling that you love to learn and you love to read. Sense is more important than education. If you have sense, you can learn anywhere, anyhow, anytime. Education is great. I'm very pro education. I am not pro formal schooling however. If you were wanting to become an attorney, doctor, engineer then by all means the game requires you to get a top formal education to learn the techniques of the trade. But that again is only technique. If you have little sense about you, I promise no ivy school is going to help you out in life. I had a Harvard MBA give me his 9 page resume filled with very little to do with anything at his job interview with me. That is a case of a smart enough guy who got into Harvard who is a total idiot.

I say again, unless you are wanting a professional career in law, medicine, maybe science/engineering, you don't need an ivy education. I hire people for a living. While it is EASIER to get hired to work for someone else in executive management with a business degree out of a top school, it is not necessary to do so. If you choose to want to go into a top program for the sole purpose of wanting that for your own desire, that's awesome and nothing wrong with it. But you absolutely can do well at a company without a top degree. Retained executive search does look for pedigree and who you know does account for quite a bit of how quickly/easily you can rise to the top anywhere but cream rises to the top no matter what in a manner of speaking

Parents should let their kids be who they are. There is nothing wrong with a kid who naturally has an affinity toward higher education but also nothing wrong with a kid who might want to say go to community college (or trade school as my son will likely do). There's a zillion ways in this day and age to make a career and thus $$ you all know that right? The business model is changing - the large companies are getting larger and there's a zillion smaller companies and moreover, freelance talent out there. This means greater flexibility, entrepreneurship and greater diversity in the work environment. Who your kids is will determine more than anything, how happy and well they do in life.

Well, it all depends on what you mean by success as a PP wrote. If you are thinking mid 6 figures and $1m+ house that is very successful certainly compared to the average population. However if you are in Manhattan, Westside LA, Bay Area, certain parts of Chicago, Boston, NYC then the fact is that is entry level. It's all perspective. If you are living in the best school districts in the largest most cosmopolitan cities and/or going to private school with 2-3 kids then you're going to have to make more money and you'll probably end up living in a house that's multiple millions...It sounds obscene to the average person but that's unfortunately how big the weatlh gap has gotten. Just look at what an average family home cost in nice neighborhoods all over California--my guess is a home that would cost a few hundred k in a lot of cities will cost $2.5m or so in LA, SD, Bay Area, or OC. Same for other big cities in the US. How do you buy a home like that on $500k in your 30's when you start a family without family money?

So are you saying that all the kids who grow up in Palo Alto, Newport Beach, Bel Air, La Jolla, Scarsdale, Rye, Greenwich, Weston, Medina, Highland Park, Winnetka, etc should never be able to move back into the neighborhood they grew up in? Or, that if they did, they would be raising their families in apartments or condos? Again, I'm not trying to judge who is happier and maybe the point is no one should raise their kids in those communities? But if they grow up there, they are going to probably have to make mid six figures at least--and, then, they are going to be looking at financial pressure/trade-offs that many people who make less living in lower cost areas would take for granted as a part of their lifestyle.

They can easily afford Highland Park making $200k.

Seriously - the North Shore is much more affordable than DC. My BIL lives there in a large, 4 bedroom home in an ideal location (quiet street, couple two blocks from train/shops), walk to nice beach and their house would sell for mid-$600Ks. there are smaller homes for people looking to spend less (and giant homes for those who want a mansion).

Yup. Property taxes suck but Highland Park is pretty affordable and not nearly as expensive as a lot of the North Shore, let alone DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Popping in as the black person here just laughing hysterically at so much of this. I am pretty much on the same page as Asian mom from page 3. I am going to push my kids HARD because I can't afford not to.

As someone who attended a top 20 school who has spent much of my career being treated as though I'm only in the room because of my skin color and not my abilities - I can tell you this OP and hopefully it will help you sleep at night - your average kids are still in the room with me. They are the ones who don't deserve to be there and have been there with me at every step of the way because of their privileged parents who paved the way and were able to buy the things that I had to claw and fight and work hard for.

So OP, your kids will be ok. And when you die, they will inherit your million plus house and assets and other investments and be even better.

.

Yup. My Ivy education and law degree let me get in the door. At the same time a white woman with no college degree, who went to an unaccredited law school in California was my co-worker and I had to teach her how to research and do basic stuff for her job. She asked everybody so many questions and was a drain on time and energy. She got promoted to a permanent position in another office from because an outside higher-up insisted that she needed more close supervision. Then I got a new co-worker and we beat out all the teams by 15%, came up with a research checklist for how to find and sift out cases that would not work, got a good raise, but I just let my contract expire and moved on and my immediate manager moved on and asked me to work with him again in separate projects.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is smart, but she lacks organization and focus. I'm organized and focused, but her dad has ADHD, so I think she's got a touch of that.

So sometimes I get frustrated because it comes so naturally to have my sh*t together and it is a daily struggle for/with her.

But she's an awesome kid and I can't imagine trading her for a different one, so I just have to adjust my expectations and keep trying to teach her my ways. (and hopefully teach her dad a few tricks too.)