19 year old daughter sleeping with man 9 years older

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ooh I did this...I had an otherwise good head on my shoulders and it was something I just needed to live through. My parents wisely stayed out of it.

Yup! Me too. I didn't marry him, thank god. But I did learn a lot about myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he married or one of her teachers? If not, all you say is "Thank you for telling me; I'm glad we have a good enough relationship where you feel like you can share things. So, what's he like?"

And then listen.

I like this.

Me too.

Another huuuuge +1 for this. She likes / trusts / respects you enough that she shared this with you, that's really huge (and tells me you've done something right as a parent!) - but if you respond judgmentally or negatively or too aggressively...you will effectively be closing that door. Think about it, when you were 19 if your parents had tried to tell you not to see someone...would you have? Nope, you probably would have kept seeing him and chosen to no longer confide in your mom.

Be supportive (of her, that is) and open-minded; show interest and listen. Then when things (most likely) go south, you can be someone she comes to for comfort and insight. (All that said, FWIW: I agree that I wouldn't be thrilled about this as a parent.)

[Anonymous]

I find it interesting that she explicitly said she's sleeping with (as opposed to dating or seeing) him..

[Anonymous]

Other end of things, but when I was 19 my mom freaked out about the “immature”’ 17 year old I was dating. 20 years and two kids later I’m so glad I lived my life, but I’m sorry he and my mom have never been close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he married or one of her teachers? If not, all you say is "Thank you for telling me; I'm glad we have a good enough relationship where you feel like you can share things. So, what's he like?"

And then listen.

I like this.

Me too.

I agree with the advice, but I feel you, OP. The relationship is cringe-inducing; a 28-year-old with a 19-year-old is different than the same age difference later on.

[Anonymous]

Please, as long as he doesn't carry any STDs and treats her respectfully, what exactly is the problem?

[Anonymous]

I'd be more interested in her academic life

[Anonymous]

When I was 20 I dated a 28 year old. We worked together in college and I was friendly with him. I had a huge crush. We ended up dating for a year- he was my first love. We broke up and moved on, like every other relationship (except my husband...who is 6 months older than me).

[Anonymous]

Met my second wife while taking college classes. I was a 46 yr old doing an exec MBA and she was a 23 yr old undergrad.

[Anonymous]

???

At that age, and I met my now-husband, who is 18 years older than me.

If she has the same age difference with her date as you have with your spouse, I don't get your concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that she explicitly said she's sleeping with (as opposed to dating or seeing) him..

That's the weird thing in all of this.

[Anonymous]

at that age, a friend of mine was dating a man about double her age. Her parents didn't seem to mind, as he was a step above her last boyfriend in terms of how he treated her. We (her friends) found it kind of disturbing, though.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure why so many posters think this is normal. I literally only have one friend who dated guys that much older, and she basically had "daddy issues" tattooed on her forehead. Similarly, I know zero people who dated college freshmen/sophomores after college. It's not just the gap, it's the stage of life. 39/48 is not a big deal. 19/28 is creepy and weird. I would be extremely concerned if my son or daughter were on either side of such a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that she explicitly said she's sleeping with (as opposed to dating or seeing) him..

That's the weird thing in all of this.

I think many posters are not paying attention to this important detail. They are NOT dating, they are just having sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ooh I did this...I had an otherwise good head on my shoulders and it was something I just needed to live through. My parents wisely stayed out of it.

Same. I regret dating him (I was 20 and he was 34), but if my parents had been pushy about it I probably would not have dumped him as soon as I did. Help her not get pregnant, diseased, married, or otherwise permanently affected -- and she'll be fine.