My nieces and nephews are so spoiled and rude. Wrong for not wanting to gt them xmas presents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids, OP? Tweens are a trying age, so if you haven’t parented through it, you might just not have realistic expectations.

Also, ask yourself how important it is to have a relationship with your nieces and nephews as they get older. You can be the fun Aunt they love to spend time with, or the annoying Aunt who disapproves of them. My kids have one of each. One aunt who is their favorite person in the world. And one whom has never made an effort to get to know them. If you really don’t care about maintaining the relationship, with the kids or your siblings, sure prove a point.

Agreed.

But OP - you're not "wrong" for feeling this way. I get it - been there before and suspect I will again. But I agree with this poster and others - look at the big picture. Think about future relationships as they age. I'd rather be the beloved or at the very least the "neutral" aunt than one who is viewed as angry or embittered. Even though your feelings of dislike are likely valid, you may only leave yourself more frustrated when you find they learn nothing at all other than their aunt doesn't like them. And again, not knocking you for not liking anyone of any age - it can be really hard to genuinely like people.

I like the gift card suggestion - many kids actually prefer them to well-intentioned gifts that miss the mark. In fact, you may unintentionally give them their favorite gift!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids, OP? Tweens are a trying age, so if you haven’t parented through it, you might just not have realistic expectations.

Also, ask yourself how important it is to have a relationship with your nieces and nephews as they get older. You can be the fun Aunt they love to spend time with, or the annoying Aunt who disapproves of them. My kids have one of each. One aunt who is their favorite person in the world. And one whom has never made an effort to get to know them. If you really don’t care about maintaining the relationship, with the kids or your siblings, sure prove a point.

Not OP but I wouldn't care if I were the favorite aunt or even liked by these kids

And you will get your wish. Reaping what you sow and all that...

[Anonymous]

OP— I’m guessing you do not have kids. Because I think you are misplacing blame here. Especially for the 12 and under set, thank you notes only happen if parents sit their kids and insist. And drag them through each note. It’s like Chinese water torture. No 10 year old says hey— I think I will sit down and write a thank you notes now. If your siblings haven’t insisted on thank you notes, they aren’t going to happen. And that is not the kids fault.

Similarly manners— that is on the parents. Kids don’t automatically know how to behave. (And PP is right. Most kids go through a sullen, angry, annoying phase in middle school/ early high school. Parents may be able to drag a please and thank you out of them. But that awkward phase between cute kid and older teen who has their sh*t together can be a bear. Certainly you remember being that age? Most kids grow out of it).

So yeah. I guess you can punish the kids for being normal tween and having parents who are falling down on the thank you note job. But it won’t change anything, and the kid will not understand what the problem is. And when the kid is 16 and turns back into a decent human being, you won’t have a relationship.

And rather than being passive aggressive with the kids (who will not get it), deal with it like a grown up. Talk to your sibling and tell them you want thank you notes. Although in 2017, everyone will be happier if you are a little flexible. You are much more likely to get a thank you email or text or FaceTime than a handwritten note. In my book if the gift is clearly acknowledged with an axpression of gratitude it’s all good. I often take pictures of kids opening gifts or playing with gifts and have them send it to the giver with a thank you so much! I am loving my new xxxx. Yes, handwritten is better. But uugghhh!

You seem to need a better connect with your nieces and nephews. Maybe this year, take them to do something they will think of as fun— ice skating and hot chocolate, a trampoline park, a movie with a big tub of popcorn, etc. , rather than just buying them stuff. Much more rewarding, and it seems like you need some bonding time. And if they thank you in Reston and tell you they had a wonderful time, count it as a win, and let it go.

[Anonymous]

I think a book is a good compromise. Maybe a book that includes spoiled teens who get their comeuppance? Besides, if you get no gift, it's not like anyone will get the message. They will just think that you are rude.

[Anonymous]

I don't like the idea of books as a "punishment" gift.

-- a Librarian.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you childless or a mom of preschoolers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP— I’m guessing you do not have kids. Because I think you are misplacing blame here. Especially for the 12 and under set, thank you notes only happen if parents sit their kids and insist. And drag them through each note. It’s like Chinese water torture. No 10 year old says hey— I think I will sit down and write a thank you notes now. If your siblings haven’t insisted on thank you notes, they aren’t going to happen. And that is not the kids fault.

Similarly manners— that is on the parents. Kids don’t automatically know how to behave. (And PP is right. Most kids go through a sullen, angry, annoying phase in middle school/ early high school. Parents may be able to drag a please and thank you out of them. But that awkward phase between cute kid and older teen who has their sh*t together can be a bear. Certainly you remember being that age? Most kids grow out of it).

So yeah. I guess you can punish the kids for being normal tween and having parents who are falling down on the thank you note job. But it won’t change anything, and the kid will not understand what the problem is. And when the kid is 16 and turns back into a decent human being, you won’t have a relationship.

And rather than being passive aggressive with the kids (who will not get it), deal with it like a grown up. Talk to your sibling and tell them you want thank you notes. Although in 2017, everyone will be happier if you are a little flexible. You are much more likely to get a thank you email or text or FaceTime than a handwritten note. In my book if the gift is clearly acknowledged with an axpression of gratitude it’s all good. I often take pictures of kids opening gifts or playing with gifts and have them send it to the giver with a thank you so much! I am loving my new xxxx. Yes, handwritten is better. But uugghhh!

You seem to need a better connect with your nieces and nephews. Maybe this year, take them to do something they will think of as fun— ice skating and hot chocolate, a trampoline park, a movie with a big tub of popcorn, etc. , rather than just buying them stuff. Much more rewarding, and it seems like you need some bonding time. And if they thank you in Reston and tell you they had a wonderful time, count it as a win, and let it go.

Thanks autocorrect. Thank you in person. Not Reston. Although if you are in Reston, and they thanks you, that works too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you childless or a mom of preschoolers?

I bet a lot this is wat’s going on. OP’s expectations for tweens are off base.

[Anonymous]

you have to give them something- if your brothers/sisters are getting your kids gifts. Otherwise that would be extremely rude.
Something education would be good. Books, magazine subscription, educational game.

if you don't have kids (which I'm guessing), give them the gift of a day with you- bring them to a museum, play or something cutural, and take them out to lunch. It will give you the opportunity to mold their behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like the idea of books as a "punishment" gift.

-- a Librarian.

But that's the beauty of the gift: It is a genuinely nice thing to give (assuming you get help picking out books that are appropriate for the recipients). It sends the message, "I think you are someone who can be engaged in thought. Someone who likes learning about the world outside their own experience!" even if what you're thinking is, "Put down your phone, you zombie savage."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not gifting them in your situation would, ironically, be bratty and rude.

If you want to be a role model, lead by example.

But you are not the parent, and it's not your job to punish them or teach them a lesson. You sound spiteful.

So consumerism and material crap defines manners in your world? You might want to reexamine your life.

I'm not sure how you got that from my post. OP seems to be asking for permission to make a point -- and a dramatic one -- by withholding gifts from her nieces and nephews. The point isn't an objection to consumerism and material goods. The point appears to be a response to her perception of the childrens' behavior and her judgment about their parents. MY point is that would just make her an insufferable bitch. If you want to discuss consumerism, start a different thread.

The behavior of OP's nieces and nephews makes him/her not want to buy them a gift, versus your interpretation that he/she wants to punish them by not buying gifts. No where does OP even mention that she wants to punish them or that they, being spoiled, will even notice an absence of a gift from their aunt/uncle. Ask yourself why you read such a vindictive motive into a post. I'm thinking this is more about your issues with revenge and punishment.

Also? Not getting yet another gift is not the end of the world. Leading by example does not necessitate that OP buy gifts, which is what YOU imply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids, OP? Tweens are a trying age, so if you haven’t parented through it, you might just not have realistic expectations.

Also, ask yourself how important it is to have a relationship with your nieces and nephews as they get older. You can be the fun Aunt they love to spend time with, or the annoying Aunt who disapproves of them. My kids have one of each. One aunt who is their favorite person in the world. And one whom has never made an effort to get to know them. If you really don’t care about maintaining the relationship, with the kids or your siblings, sure prove a point.

Not OP but I wouldn't care if I were the favorite aunt or even liked by these kids

And you will get your wish. Reaping what you sow and all that...

Oh my god, the melodrama. Not being the favorite aunt! I've failed at life!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't give them anything except send a nice card.
If you want to be nice, you can include a gift card with their card.

As a teen, my cousins and I were courteous and well-behaved, and my nieces and nephews on my husband's side were and are the same.

I don't hold with the "teens will be bratty" mentality. They don't HAVE to be.

[Anonymous]

Books!

[Anonymous]

Why waste money on books? Asshole teens don't read. It'll just collect dust. Go buy a gift for some poor kids who will appreciate it.