My nieces and nephews are so spoiled and rude. Wrong for not wanting to gt them xmas presents?

[Anonymous]

Give them $20 each to their 529s. Then you gave them a gift, but it's not something they can waste.

[Anonymous]

I am the fun aunty.I take my dd and niece to Disney on ice, vacations,ice skating, and back to school shopping.I love spending time with my favorite girls.

[Anonymous]

OP here. No, I don't have kids, but I have other nieces and nephews, and was a kid myself. The parents of my rude nieces/nephews even lamented that their kids were rude and badly behaved, and that we would never act close to them as kids. But they don't stick to punishments, and wonder why the behavior never changes, year after year. The parents KNOW and admit their kids behave extremely bratty, but do nothing.

I have traditions and do things with them, but I prefer to get over the buying presents things. Especially now that they expect it and routinely ask what I'm going to get them, or tell me what they want. None of us were raised that way, and it's just the tip of the iceberg. They are clearly the bosses of their homes, and have no respect for adults or boundaries.

Not all my nieces and nephews are like this, but some of them are. Their parents like to reward bad behavior, but I'm preferring not to.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

I'd get them nothing. They won't appreciate any of it. Stop trying to be the "cool aunt/uncle" it's lamer than cool mom/dad. If they're pricks, treat them like pricks. You're not going to buy the good out of them.

[Anonymous]

Would they even notice if they didn't receive anything from you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids, OP? Tweens are a trying age, so if you haven’t parented through it, you might just not have realistic expectations.

Also, ask yourself how important it is to have a relationship with your nieces and nephews as they get older. You can be the fun Aunt they love to spend time with, or the annoying Aunt who disapproves of them. My kids have one of each. One aunt who is their favorite person in the world. And one whom has never made an effort to get to know them. If you really don’t care about maintaining the relationship, with the kids or your siblings, sure prove a point.

Tweens are only trying because of bad parenting in this era. Do you think 11 and 12 year olds were this materialistic during the World Wars? It's a function of how society has evolved to cater to children. Read "Pricing the Priceless Child" by Viviana Zelizer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would they even notice if they didn't receive anything from you?

No. Aunts and uncles with no kids are always DESPERATE to prove their worth to the tribe. Without kids they're not really contributing to the future of the tribe, no value, so they go overboard doting on nieces and nephews trying to prove they're an important piece to the tribe. It's a little sad when you realize what's going on psychologically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would they even notice if they didn't receive anything from you?

No. Aunts and uncles with no kids are always DESPERATE to prove their worth to the tribe. Without kids they're not really contributing to the future of the tribe, no value, so they go overboard doting on nieces and nephews trying to prove they're an important piece to the tribe. It's a little sad when you realize what's going on psychologically.

This doesn't make any sense. You must be a breeder.

[Anonymous]

Aunts always over estimate their value.

If you died they would be like which one is she.

Get over yourself ... buy a gift, don't .... nobody cares.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't withhold presents as a punishment, maybe rethink the purpose of gift-giving and find an appropriate present. I would look towards a book with some purpose or an act of service. If it's their behavior that troubles you, showing them proper behavior will provide more results than a withholding of love/affection (and if you've alway given presents, you've associated your love for them with gift giving).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would they even notice if they didn't receive anything from you?

No. Aunts and uncles with no kids are always DESPERATE to prove their worth to the tribe. Without kids they're not really contributing to the future of the tribe, no value, so they go overboard doting on nieces and nephews trying to prove they're an important piece to the tribe. It's a little sad when you realize what's going on psychologically.

This doesn't make any sense. You must be a breeder.

since when do we divide ourselves by breeder vs nonbreeder. how bleak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids, OP? Tweens are a trying age, so if you haven’t parented through it, you might just not have realistic expectations.

Also, ask yourself how important it is to have a relationship with your nieces and nephews as they get older. You can be the fun Aunt they love to spend time with, or the annoying Aunt who disapproves of them. My kids have one of each. One aunt who is their favorite person in the world. And one whom has never made an effort to get to know them. If you really don’t care about maintaining the relationship, with the kids or your siblings, sure prove a point.

This sounds like it was written by a parent who wants the approval of their kids, and desperately wants to have their kids like them - instead of be a good parent. Being fun and approving has nothing to do with maintenance of a relationship - whether you're talking parent, aunt, grandparent, family friend, or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids, OP? Tweens are a trying age, so if you haven’t parented through it, you might just not have realistic expectations.

Also, ask yourself how important it is to have a relationship with your nieces and nephews as they get older. You can be the fun Aunt they love to spend time with, or the annoying Aunt who disapproves of them. My kids have one of each. One aunt who is their favorite person in the world. And one whom has never made an effort to get to know them. If you really don’t care about maintaining the relationship, with the kids or your siblings, sure prove a point.

Tweens are only trying because of bad parenting in this era. Do you think 11 and 12 year olds were this materialistic during the World Wars? It's a function of how society has evolved to cater to children. Read "Pricing the Priceless Child" by Viviana Zelizer.

I’m not saying tweens are trying because they are materialistic. It’s more because of hormones, and puberty, and trying to find their place at school and trying to assert independence from mom and dad and trying to figure out who they are. Most tween snarl has nothing to do with stuff, and a lot to do with the sheer number of transitions they are going through.

[Anonymous]

Not wrong.