My nieces and nephews are so spoiled and rude. Wrong for not wanting to gt them xmas presents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aunts always over estimate their value.

If you died they would be like which one is she.

Get over yourself ... buy a gift, don't .... nobody cares.

+1. Especially cat lady aunts, always going overboard trying to establish their worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids, OP? Tweens are a trying age, so if you haven’t parented through it, you might just not have realistic expectations.

Also, ask yourself how important it is to have a relationship with your nieces and nephews as they get older. You can be the fun Aunt they love to spend time with, or the annoying Aunt who disapproves of them. My kids have one of each. One aunt who is their favorite person in the world. And one whom has never made an effort to get to know them. If you really don’t care about maintaining the relationship, with the kids or your siblings, sure prove a point.

This sounds like it was written by a parent who wants the approval of their kids, and desperately wants to have their kids like them - instead of be a good parent. Being fun and approving has nothing to do with maintenance of a relationship - whether you're talking parent, aunt, grandparent, family friend, or whatever.

Nope it is written by someone who is well aware that my job as a parent is to ... parent. And not be a BFF. To say no to the inappropriate outfit, to enforce rules, impose consequences, and to start sentences with things like “just because everyone else’s parents are letting them...”. To have fun and love them too, of course. But to spend some time being unpopular because my decisions are disliked.

Which is why I am so glad they have a favorite person in the world aunt, who doesn’t have to discipline them or raise them, and can just love them. Follow our big health and safety rules like seatbelts and such but also spoil them and send them home. She plays a very different role than a parent. And it is great for the kids. My sister on the other hand, doesn’t like kids, doesn’t want kids, and has literally never spent 10 minutes alone with mine. Never taken them for ice cream. Never taken them to a park. Kids are 13 and 15, and she has no relationship with them. It’s sad. DH and I have the only grandkids in either family. My sister doesn’t want kids. But if my SIL has kids, I want to be the kind of aunt she is. Adventures and unconditional love, without the responsibility of making sure they grow up to be decent humans. And of course being fun, loving and accepting has a lot to do with developing a special bond with a child. If the parents are doing their job, they have someone who makes rules, imposes discipline, says No, and take away the iPhone because the grades are slipping. Aunts and grandparents don’t have these responsibilities. And can just love the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids, OP? Tweens are a trying age, so if you haven’t parented through it, you might just not have realistic expectations.

Also, ask yourself how important it is to have a relationship with your nieces and nephews as they get older. You can be the fun Aunt they love to spend time with, or the annoying Aunt who disapproves of them. My kids have one of each. One aunt who is their favorite person in the world. And one whom has never made an effort to get to know them. If you really don’t care about maintaining the relationship, with the kids or your siblings, sure prove a point.

This sounds like it was written by a parent who wants the approval of their kids, and desperately wants to have their kids like them - instead of be a good parent. Being fun and approving has nothing to do with maintenance of a relationship - whether you're talking parent, aunt, grandparent, family friend, or whatever.

Nope it is written by someone who is well aware that my job as a parent is to ... parent. And not be a BFF. To say no to the inappropriate outfit, to enforce rules, impose consequences, and to start sentences with things like “just because everyone else’s parents are letting them...”. To have fun and love them too, of course. But to spend some time being unpopular because my decisions are disliked.

Which is why I am so glad they have a favorite person in the world aunt, who doesn’t have to discipline them or raise them, and can just love them. Follow our big health and safety rules like seatbelts and such but also spoil them and send them home. She plays a very different role than a parent. And it is great for the kids. My sister on the other hand, doesn’t like kids, doesn’t want kids, and has literally never spent 10 minutes alone with mine. Never taken them for ice cream. Never taken them to a park. Kids are 13 and 15, and she has no relationship with them. It’s sad. DH and I have the only grandkids in either family. My sister doesn’t want kids. But if my SIL has kids, I want to be the kind of aunt she is. Adventures and unconditional love, without the responsibility of making sure they grow up to be decent humans. And of course being fun, loving and accepting has a lot to do with developing a special bond with a child. If the parents are doing their job, they have someone who makes rules, imposes discipline, says No, and take away the iPhone because the grades are slipping. Aunts and grandparents don’t have these responsibilities. And can just love the kid.

No one is going to be in love with your kids like you are. I don't know why you think it's sad that your sister has no relationship with your children. To her, they are just people born to her sister. She isn't obliged to love them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids, OP? Tweens are a trying age, so if you haven’t parented through it, you might just not have realistic expectations.

Also, ask yourself how important it is to have a relationship with your nieces and nephews as they get older. You can be the fun Aunt they love to spend time with, or the annoying Aunt who disapproves of them. My kids have one of each. One aunt who is their favorite person in the world. And one whom has never made an effort to get to know them. If you really don’t care about maintaining the relationship, with the kids or your siblings, sure prove a point.

This sounds like it was written by a parent who wants the approval of their kids, and desperately wants to have their kids like them - instead of be a good parent. Being fun and approving has nothing to do with maintenance of a relationship - whether you're talking parent, aunt, grandparent, family friend, or whatever.

Nope it is written by someone who is well aware that my job as a parent is to ... parent. And not be a BFF. To say no to the inappropriate outfit, to enforce rules, impose consequences, and to start sentences with things like “just because everyone else’s parents are letting them...”. To have fun and love them too, of course. But to spend some time being unpopular because my decisions are disliked.

Which is why I am so glad they have a favorite person in the world aunt, who doesn’t have to discipline them or raise them, and can just love them. Follow our big health and safety rules like seatbelts and such but also spoil them and send them home. She plays a very different role than a parent. And it is great for the kids. My sister on the other hand, doesn’t like kids, doesn’t want kids, and has literally never spent 10 minutes alone with mine. Never taken them for ice cream. Never taken them to a park. Kids are 13 and 15, and she has no relationship with them. It’s sad. DH and I have the only grandkids in either family. My sister doesn’t want kids. But if my SIL has kids, I want to be the kind of aunt she is. Adventures and unconditional love, without the responsibility of making sure they grow up to be decent humans. And of course being fun, loving and accepting has a lot to do with developing a special bond with a child. If the parents are doing their job, they have someone who makes rules, imposes discipline, says No, and take away the iPhone because the grades are slipping. Aunts and grandparents don’t have these responsibilities. And can just love the kid.

No one is going to be in love with your kids like you are. I don't know why you think it's sad that your sister has no relationship with your children. To her, they are just people born to her sister. She isn't obliged to love them.

Nope. She is under no obligation to love them. Or even like them. No one is saying she is. And she isin her 40s and no about to change. But there is something wrong with you if you don’t get why that would make me a little sad.

Similarly, OP is under no obligation to like her neice and nephew. And she certainly does not seem too. I think that’s sad too. Maybe because when I was growing up there was a nasty divorce,and my favorite aunt was the person who made it seem okay. These relationships be very valuable if you nurture them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids, OP? Tweens are a trying age, so if you haven’t parented through it, you might just not have realistic expectations.

Also, ask yourself how important it is to have a relationship with your nieces and nephews as they get older. You can be the fun Aunt they love to spend time with, or the annoying Aunt who disapproves of them. My kids have one of each. One aunt who is their favorite person in the world. And one whom has never made an effort to get to know them. If you really don’t care about maintaining the relationship, with the kids or your siblings, sure prove a point.

This sounds like it was written by a parent who wants the approval of their kids, and desperately wants to have their kids like them - instead of be a good parent. Being fun and approving has nothing to do with maintenance of a relationship - whether you're talking parent, aunt, grandparent, family friend, or whatever.

Nope it is written by someone who is well aware that my job as a parent is to ... parent. And not be a BFF. To say no to the inappropriate outfit, to enforce rules, impose consequences, and to start sentences with things like “just because everyone else’s parents are letting them...”. To have fun and love them too, of course. But to spend some time being unpopular because my decisions are disliked.

Which is why I am so glad they have a favorite person in the world aunt, who doesn’t have to discipline them or raise them, and can just love them. Follow our big health and safety rules like seatbelts and such but also spoil them and send them home. She plays a very different role than a parent. And it is great for the kids. My sister on the other hand, doesn’t like kids, doesn’t want kids, and has literally never spent 10 minutes alone with mine. Never taken them for ice cream. Never taken them to a park. Kids are 13 and 15, and she has no relationship with them. It’s sad. DH and I have the only grandkids in either family. My sister doesn’t want kids. But if my SIL has kids, I want to be the kind of aunt she is. Adventures and unconditional love, without the responsibility of making sure they grow up to be decent humans. And of course being fun, loving and accepting has a lot to do with developing a special bond with a child. If the parents are doing their job, they have someone who makes rules, imposes discipline, says No, and take away the iPhone because the grades are slipping. Aunts and grandparents don’t have these responsibilities. And can just love the kid.

No one is going to be in love with your kids like you are. I don't know why you think it's sad that your sister has no relationship with your children. To her, they are just people born to her sister. She isn't obliged to love them.

Nope. She is under no obligation to love them. Or even like them. No one is saying she is. And she isin her 40s and no about to change. But there is something wrong with you if you don’t get why that would make me a little sad.

Similarly, OP is under no obligation to like her neice and nephew. And she certainly does not seem too. I think that’s sad too. Maybe because when I was growing up there was a nasty divorce,and my favorite aunt was the person who made it seem okay. These relationships be very valuable if you nurture them.

I love my friends more than my siblings. I just happen to share the same set of parents with my siblings but I choose my friends. It's logical.

[Anonymous]

I'm tempted to take my spoiled brat nieces and nephews to Toys R US or something similar, give them $25, and take them to pay off someone's layaway.

[Anonymous]

It's hard, OP. My spoiled brat niece once told my SIL that she wished grandma would send cash for her birthday and Christmas instead of a check, since sending a check meant she had to go to the bank and it was a pain. No matter how hard you want to be the good aunt, the fun aunt, etc... if the child is truly someone you don't like then it's tough, and yes I realize that it's primarily the fault of the parents but sooner or later the kids will learn the consequences of their own behavior.

OP, go with your gut. Send a book, maybe a classic you liked at that age with an inscription from you. It's still personal but not indulgent like a gift card to a cool store. Or if the child is younger then donate to the World Wildlife Foundation and send them that small stuffed animal that comes with the donation.