This "limerence" thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thread mentions "limerence". I had never heard of it.

Limerence (also infatuated love) is a state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person and typically includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of love and have one's feelings reciprocated.

If your spouse was limerence-ing on another person (persistently, obsessively fantasizing) would you consider that an emotional affair? Grounds for divorce?

Limerence? Didn't know that term existed for what it describes but I must say that Limerence is a wonderful and fun time.

As to your question. I expect my spouse to find another attractive, and even have some physical desire for them, from time to time since it's fairly common. Would I consider it an emotional affair? If it contained the right elements I would. Could even consider it an unrequited affair.

Grounds for divorce? For several reasons I would not. For one thing I have been around the block a time or a thousand so I know that what is described as Limerence isn't a permanent state.

The limerence has been going on for almost two years and I am fed up with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thread mentions "limerence". I had never heard of it.

Limerence (also infatuated love) is a state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person and typically includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of love and have one's feelings reciprocated.

If your spouse was limerence-ing on another person (persistently, obsessively fantasizing) would you consider that an emotional affair? Grounds for divorce?

Limerence? Didn't know that term existed for what it describes but I must say that Limerence is a wonderful and fun time.

As to your question. I expect my spouse to find another attractive, and even have some physical desire for them, from time to time since it's fairly common. Would I consider it an emotional affair? If it contained the right elements I would. Could even consider it an unrequited affair.

Grounds for divorce? For several reasons I would not. For one thing I have been around the block a time or a thousand so I know that what is described as Limerence isn't a permanent state.

The limerence has been going on for almost two years and I am fed up with it.

For you or your spouse? I'm experiencing it going on 3.5 years, haven't seen the person for 2.5 years. It has calmed down, but not gone away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The "feelings" wouldn't be an actionable problem--but behavior and actions, yes.

Can't help if you fall for someone else, even temporarily. What you DO about it is what matters.

+1!

[Anonymous]

To PPs: so these crushes then have lasted for years even without contact with the other person?

If married, how in the world do you deal with your spouse m, daily, in the real world?

[Anonymous]

Stop referring to it as a crush. It's not that, it's desperate and obsessive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To PPs: so these crushes then have lasted for years even without contact with the other person?

If married, how in the world do you deal with your spouse m, daily, in the real world?

Yes, it has gone on without contact. I have never experienced anything like this before. I felt drawn to him at first sight. I could've run to him and held him close. I know he felt something for me, too. There were times when we almost grabbed each other -like out of nowhere. We are both married and we never discussed the attraction. It was so uncomfortable to be around him that I changed my situation so I wouldn't see him again.

I have never cheated. I channeled the energy into my marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop referring to it as a crush. It's not that, it's desperate and obsessive.

It isn't. It is chemical. And it is lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop referring to it as a crush. It's not that, it's desperate and obsessive.

It isn't. It is chemical. And it is lovely.

That doesn't sound lovely. You sound crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop referring to it as a crush. It's not that, it's desperate and obsessive.

It isn't. It is chemical. And it is lovely.

That doesn't sound lovely. You sound crazy.

NP. You haven't experienced it. Imagine having a hot drink on a cold day in your pjs, on the couch, paid day off, your loyal pet by your side, full dvr, nowhere to go, you're at a perfect weight, in great health, etc and so on. I feel that way just thinking of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The limerence has been going on for almost two years and I am fed up with it.

For you or your spouse? I'm experiencing it going on 3.5 years, haven't seen the person for 2.5 years. It has calmed down, but not gone away.

For spouse, who is limer-ing on a coworker. No physical cheating yet AFAIK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop referring to it as a crush. It's not that, it's desperate and obsessive.

It isn't. It is chemical. And it is lovely.

Agree...

[Anonymous]

I've had limerence. But the second my object of limerence seemed to cross a boundary, I completely backed off. I was guilty of a crush.

My partner recently had an emotional affair. It was a continued involvement with someone who sparked both physical and intellectual interest. They admitted their attraction, even admitted they needed to be careful, yet still continued on with their deep attachment despite thinking they were establishing boundaries and not really keeping them. That is the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The limerence has been going on for almost two years and I am fed up with it.

For you or your spouse? I'm experiencing it going on 3.5 years, haven't seen the person for 2.5 years. It has calmed down, but not gone away.

For spouse, who is limer-ing on a coworker. No physical cheating yet AFAIK.

Ugh! I completely removed any chance of seeing the person, because I knew it was a matter of time before something happened. Seeing him strengthened the feeling. Being away from him has lessened the feeling substantially, but it lingers... I will never see him again and nothing will happen. Your spouse needs to stay away from this person, whatever it takes!

[Anonymous]

I don't know why people are so stupid as to read into this or tell their spouse. I think everyone fantasizes every now and then. It is healthy enough and you can carry that spark to your DH. --happily married woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why people are so stupid as to read into this or tell their spouse. I think everyone fantasizes every now and then. It is healthy enough and you can carry that spark to your DH. --happily married woman

Maybe, but as far as I can tell the fantasy has killed any spark my spouse has for me.