Would you send a letter to your Middle School bully?

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone. Clearly they had a major impact but its ancient history now and I will leave it.

[Anonymous]

Hey, it's the rare instance where DCUM provided useful and helpful advice! Hurrah!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd make them a hobby.

I'd F' with them in ways they'd never understand why it was happening. Maybe make a book out of it after a decade of it.

This is easy to do in today's online society. Get some revenge.

[Anonymous]

So, one day I was out near my parents house and a guy came up to me. He bullied me from middle school all the way to high school. He apologized for being a jerk and I accepted his apology. It did feel good to know that what he did to me, still bothered him. So a letter might be good for both of you but only if it's a "you bullied me and I am ok and over it." If it's to rehash old wounds, I would get some counseling instead.

[Anonymous]

It's not actually true that all bullies were tormented themselves. Some people just aren't decent human beings, or go through a phase of being an asshole. There's a really helpful site founded by a bully survivor. I think it's called bullyonline. Great ideas there--and food for thought. Some that I remember are: making meaning by helping others or finding spiritual significance, ie you wouldn't be who you are if you hadn't had that experience. I also recommend a reframe--like everyone else in the world, your life has had peaks and valleys. That was a valley but doesn't have to define your life. View it as a small part of your narrative arc, and realize that your story has been continuously unfolding. You're still "writing" your story--that was one tiny chapter.

[Anonymous]

While I fully understand your pain OP, I wouldn't open up that can of worms.

Let bygones be bygones & you do you.

To criticize another person while putting yourself on a pedestal is simply making yourself look unstable, immature + in need of therapy.

Focus on yourself...All that you have accomplished in life and do not give any thought to a Middle-School loser.

[Anonymous]

True story: my middle/high school bully's older brother wrote a book about bullying, and in interviews spoke about how much he hated bullying.

I don't see how he couldn't have known what a vicious, evil bully his little brother was.

[Anonymous]

Do you have children? Try to resolve this for yourself before they get to middle school age. I was not bullied, but had other issues at home. My son was physically bullied and it was crushing because I didn't know how to help him. He is okay now but I still wonder about a long term impact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:True story: my middle/high school bully's older brother wrote a book about bullying, and in interviews spoke about how much he hated bullying.

I don't see how he couldn't have known what a vicious, evil bully his little brother was.

Maybe he did know and that's why he wrote the book. Siblings don't always get along and maybe the younger one was bullying the older one.

[Anonymous]

If you can't let go of something after 30 years you need to get help. I don't even remember middle school let alone the people who may or may not have wronged me or people I may have wronged.

I mean if some one contacted me after 30 years and started going on about how successful they are and how they "beat" me. I'd just have to laugh at them because obviously they have let this fester for years. I'd also have to point out that I am no longer bullying them they are now abusing themselves and they need to find some sort of closure/resolution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you had to experience that, but I don't think sending the letter would be a good idea.
Write the letter and burn it or tell your theapist
Don't send it to them.
Writing to tell them they are a loser wouldn't make you better than them, in fact it makes you worse because you are an adult now.

As an adult I'm sure you realize that a large number of bullies are abused at home so what you dealt with they dealt with tenfold at home.

Instead of looking back, enjoy the happy life you have now, and be a positive force maybe start volunteering with a mentoring program to help bullies and bullied children.

+1

[Anonymous]

Wow, lots of former bullies on here who wouldn't be able to take such a letter.

[Anonymous]

Remember the episode of Fraiser where they confront their past bullies? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0582490/

[Anonymous]

No. It's time to move on in life and stop dwelling. If you are truly happy with yourself and how far you've come in life, you won't go out of your way to find and message that person. Leave that person and the hurt they caused you in the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:True story: my middle/high school bully's older brother wrote a book about bullying, and in interviews spoke about how much he hated bullying.

I don't see how he couldn't have known what a vicious, evil bully his little brother was.

Maybe he did know and that's why he wrote the book. Siblings don't always get along and maybe the younger one was bullying the older one.

I doubt it. They were four years apart, and the older one was well-liked and handsome, and very intelligent (not a surprise he became a writer). The younger one was a short, skinny rat-faced loser who wasn't very bright, and kind of floated on the periphery of his brother's friend group just because they were related. I don't think anybody in my high school knew I was in the throes of bulimia, but somehow the evil bully picked up on something, and used to make horrible taunts to me about my body (and I wasn't overweight at all). Actually, I blame him for CAUSING my bulimia. I will never, ever forget the things he said to me when we were at the same lab table freshman year, and I have no idea why he focused on me, but it was horribly embarrassing and painful to me. I wish him nothing but pain and misery in his life.

When I read the interviews his big brother gave about how his novel was inspired by bullying and hazing at our high school, I really struggled with myself to resist posting comments on his amazon reviews about how his own brother was the worst bully of all.