Would you send a letter to your Middle School bully?

[Anonymous]

A friend of my brother's used to bully his certain classmates in elementary school. What they didn't know is that his mother left the family, devastating them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a middle school bully. We both went to the same high school where the bullying stopped. I retaliated at a high school reunion, observing to him that I was in DC doing well, and he was in Dumass, Illinois doing menial labor. I'm looking forward to the next reunion.

You are incredibly petty, and the loser now. Congrats!

[Anonymous]

I would move on. You won't get the sense of satisfaction you are hoping, and when you don't it can make you feel worse. I would focus more on the need you have to do that. What are you are really looking for? It sounds like you are looking for validation. Maybe you think telling this person, who is mostly likely not nearly thinking about what they have done as you are, will give you a sense of validation. Check out this link on Validation http://bit.ly/2qsibEt I highly recommend it Hope things work out.

[Anonymous]

OP: You do need therapy. This isn't just about some bully from 30 years back. I'll bet you've focused, in your mind, all your dissatisfactions and perceived failures with your life over the past thirty years on the bully who lives only in your own mind. "It's all HIS fault."

Nope. It's YOUR fault because you've been an adult for decades now. The bully in your mind is not real. It is a mental construct.

You've been tormenting yourself with the memories of the actual middle school bullying for the past 30 years, in masochistic fashion.

YOU'VE BEEN YOUR OWN WORST BULLY EVER SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL.

STOP IT.

NOW!

[Anonymous]

I kicked the you know what of that bully HS senior year. He got what he had coming to him. So tired of people saying bullies are cowards, etc. Fine if you're a coward, but don't bother me with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a middle school bully. We both went to the same high school where the bullying stopped. I retaliated at a high school reunion, observing to him that I was in DC doing well, and he was in Dumass, Illinois doing menial labor. I'm looking forward to the next reunion.

Does he live in a van by the river?

[Anonymous]

Forgive them... but forgive them to yourself.
Forgiveness sets the heart free.

[Anonymous]

Let it be or write a letter to self and throw it away. I'm Facebook friends with my bully, she knows I'm doing well.

[Anonymous]

No answer just a story. Like you I was bullied by another guy in Jr. High and HS. Hated this guy to no end. Years later I'm working as a Firefighter Paramedic and get called to a motorcycle accident with a serious open Femur fracture. You guessed it, it was the bully from HS. This was literally the most enjoyable call I've ever worked up in all my years in EMS.

Took a few years but I got the last laugh.

[Anonymous]

Interesting.

Ran into a former classmate who brought up the person she pegged as the class bully, noting how she tormented her relentlessly. The funny thing is that I have vivid memories of the alleged "victim" bullying others---including the alleged bully, me, my best friend, etc.

I think most kids in middle school have moments when they act like little assholes...and it's possible you weren't as perfect as you recall. Stew on that before firing off a message (especially if your name starts with P).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bullied an overweight girl in my 7th grade class. Turned everyone against her. Threw rocks at her, etc. I was horrible.

When I joined facebook 10 years ago she was the second person who requested me and said hi. I spent years feeling awful for everything I did to her and was really grateful for the chance to apologise. She accepted and now we are good friends.

Why did you bully her? It would be helpful to hear a bully's side of things.

I can't believe this question. Bullies target the most vulnerable people because they are cowards. They want to maximize cruelty by selecting the weak who can't strike back. ThAt is the bully's 'side' of the equation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: You do need therapy. This isn't just about some bully from 30 years back. I'll bet you've focused, in your mind, all your dissatisfactions and perceived failures with your life over the past thirty years on the bully who lives only in your own mind. "It's all HIS fault."

Nope. It's YOUR fault because you've been an adult for decades now. The bully in your mind is not real. It is a mental construct.

You've been tormenting yourself with the memories of the actual middle school bullying for the past 30 years, in masochistic fashion.

YOU'VE BEEN YOUR OWN WORST BULLY EVER SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL.

STOP IT.

NOW!

Spoken like a bully.

[Anonymous]

Bullies are victims, too, but usually victims of their parents. Emotionally abusive parents. Emotionally neglectful parents. Drug, alcohol, employment issues in the house. Physical abuse.

I'm not excusing their behavior in any way. Just trying to explain it. Bullies are miserable by definition. There is no need to try to make them feel more miserable.

When they are out of your life physically, it's time to put them out of your life emotionally, too. That's the best gift you can give yourself. You are strong enough to let go, OP. You just need a little guidance about how to do that. I also think therapy is good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can't let go of something after 30 years you need to get help. I don't even remember middle school let alone the people who may or may not have wronged me or people I may have wronged.

I mean if some one contacted me after 30 years and started going on about how successful they are and how they "beat" me. I'd just have to laugh at them because obviously they have let this fester for years. I'd also have to point out that I am no longer bullying them they are now abusing themselves and they need to find some sort of closure/resolution.

Obviously the victims of bullying were pretty traumatized by it. That's why they can't forget. For a bully to say 'just get over it' is dismissive to their feelings all over again. Like the victims feelings didn't matter then and still don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In middle school I was severely bullied. Physically and emotionally. Would you now, some 30 years later send a letter to your erstwhile bully telling them of your successes and saying what a loser they were and are, or would you just let it be?

Maybe write it but don't send it. And seek therapy.

Whatever fairy tell outcome you imagine won't actually happen, which will only depress you.