How to politely tell our DS that we really, REALLY don't like his GF?
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Anonymous
| You could be describing me at 16. I went to a top-rated SLAC and Ivy law school. Sounds like you're judging her for not conforming to your standards of lady like behavior? Probably why your DS likes her. |
Anonymous
| Go out of your way to be polite and welcoming. If part of the attraction is that she is so not your cup of tea, his interest may wane if you act opposite from what he expects. The more you try to push her out of the way, the more he may want to cling. |
Anonymous
Not OP, but really you hadn't picked up a book since K? I also went to those kinds of schools and looked like I'd just rolled out of bed....but had read every book in he local library. How did you get into a top SLAC if you were a total slacker in school and never read anything? |
Anonymous
I'm guessing that OP actually has no clue about the girl's academics or reading habits. |
Anonymous
|
My cousin dated a real "winner" when he was 17. My aunt and uncle totally freaked out.
I met the girl, she was simple, but a lot of fun. I can see why he wanted to date her. It was just a high school relationship that ended after it became obvious how little they had in common. Cousin is now a doctor who married a delightful fellow doctor. Things like this work themselves out. |
Anonymous
Why does her parenting need work? She is genuinely concerned about her kid and wants to make sure he's not saddled with a problem like a gf who just doesn't measure up. OP, if I were you, I'd push for them to break up. My brother went out with a loser in HS. Everyone told my mother to "be supportive", "MYOB." His grades slipped, he experimented with drugs, there was a pregnancy scare which thank God ended in a miscarriage. But it ruined his teenage years. He barely finished HS. |
Anonymous
OP here. DO you know how I found out about her academics? As I mentioned in my original post, she's completely uninhibited, she tells people EVERYTHING. She told us when we first met that she flunk 4 classes her freshman year, had to go to summer school and barely passed that. As far as her "reading habits"? When she first came to our house and saw books everywhere, her question was "why do you have books? Books are stupid." And no, she isn't dyslexic. Her own parents said "we are so happy SOMEONE PICKED OUR DAUGHTER." I don't want my DS to be her savior. |
Anonymous
Who trained him to be Captain-Save-A-Ho? Probably you, mom. Congratulations! |
Anonymous
We "trained" him to be kind, mindful and polite. What do you teach your kids? |
Anonymous
And yet you don't have any kindness to show this girl yourself. Maybe your son likes being with someone that isn't full of herself unlike his mom. Or maybe he enjoys the knowledge that she drives you nuts. |
Anonymous
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How dare you ask a 16yo is she is on birth control. That's none of your fucking business. Better you should tell your son to keep his dick in his pants.
You give your perfect son all this credit but are ready to blame her for not practicing safe sex. |
Anonymous
+100000 Way to be a rude, condescending b*tch of a mother. |
Anonymous
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OP, you said that your son sees her as helpless. He probably feels he can "save" her, make her better, be the help she needs -- whatever. He may not realize it himself, but he might be feeling important and needed because this helpless person depends on him now. If he is seeing himself in the savior role here, you will only make that role more important to him if you bad-mouth this girl, and yes, he'll see any criticism, however nicely put, as bad-mouthing. He very likely will view your disapproval as an unprovoked adult attack on this helpless, clueless, unfiltered girl. And he will feel defensive on her behalf. That will drive him to stick with her, not end it with her. You'll only be confirming, in his mind, that she is just sadly misunderstood by everyone but him, and he's the only one who can help her. I'm not going to get into whether or not she actually IS as big a loser as you think, though the post is pretty judgmental, and it's clear you preferred the other girl to her. But I can say that if you think you can convince him to drop her, he's not going to do that if he's feeling he alone is the one who can "save" her. I would focus on being sure he is involved in a lot of extracurriculars, is doubling down on homework (after all, it's junior year so that should be happening anyway), is focusing on college prep and college choice, and has places to be and things to do. |
Anonymous
| My DH had a relationship in high school that his parents disapproved of (as far as I can tell not for any legitimate reason). They freaked out and it ruined my DH relationship with them. This was 25 years ago. We only see them once a year and our kids (who are in middle school) barely know them. It's very sad. |
Anonymous
I bet there are like 5 of us here who get this reference |