Reply to How to politely tell our DS that we really, REALLY don't like his GF?

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Reply to "How to politely tell our DS that we really, REALLY don't like his GF?"

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[quote=Anonymous]
OP, you said that your son sees her as helpless. He probably feels he can "save" her, make her better, be the help she needs -- whatever.  He may not realize it himself, but he might be feeling important and needed because this helpless person depends on him now.

If he is seeing himself in the savior role here, you will only make that role more important to him if you bad-mouth this girl, and yes, he'll see any criticism, however nicely put, as bad-mouthing. He very likely will view your disapproval as an unprovoked adult attack on this helpless, clueless, unfiltered girl. And he will feel defensive on her behalf.

That will drive him to stick with her, not end it with her. You'll only be confirming, in his mind, that she is just sadly misunderstood by everyone but him, and he's the only one who can help her.

I'm not going to get into whether or not she actually IS as big a loser as you think, though the post is pretty judgmental, and it's clear you preferred the other girl to her. But I can say that if you think you can convince him to drop her, he's not going to do that if he's feeling he alone is the one who can "save" her. I would focus on being sure he is involved in a lot of extracurriculars, is doubling down on homework (after all, it's junior year so that should be happening anyway), is focusing on college prep and college choice, and has places to be and things to do. [/quote]

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