How to politely tell our DS that we really, REALLY don't like his GF?

[Anonymous]

You sound like my ex-BFs mom. She hated my guts and made it abundantly clear that she thought I wasn't good enough for her precious prince (despite the fact that he was an all around loser and continues to be). The BF loved that his mom hated me and I got so sick of how nasty she was to me all the time, I came to enjoy the fact that my mere presence was enough to make her grit her teeth. It probably added an extra 3 years to our relationship, when we otherwise would have broken up rather quickly, because neither of us wanted to let her "win".

[Anonymous]

I have the same issue with my DD, who is 18. I kept telling myself it would be over soon. Now they've been together a year. I had high hopes when they broke up after four months, but they got back together.

I have only said a few diplomatic things when he's done some egregious stuff, and she has agreed with me. And yet they are still together. One of the tougher times I've had as a parent is letting her be who she is without saying anything negative. Maybe one day she will see his flaws. I can only hope.

[Anonymous]

PP here. I have been nothing but nice and polite to my DD's boyfriend. There is nothing to be gained by rudeness on my end, although he's not exactly reciprocating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, condoms all the way and I asked her point blank if she was on birth control. She gave me an evasive response of "I am thinking about it." You dumb girl, get yourself on a pill.

Wait -- you asked the GF if she was on BC? OMG, I'd have died if my BF's mom asked me something like that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, condoms all the way and I asked her point blank if she was on birth control. She gave me an evasive response of "I am thinking about it." You dumb girl, get yourself on a pill.

Holy cow. You are clearly the problem here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both are 16, both go to the same school. They've been going out for the past 3 months. We've met the parents too. We really don't like the girl. Dresses like she has just rolled out of bad, poor grades, hasn't picked up a book probably since kindergarten. Compared to DS' previous GF, she's a total loser. Absolutely uninhibited, inserts herself in all conversations. Parents are clueless or don't care. Yet he sees her as funny and utterly helpless, wants to bring her to family functions. How can we put a stop to this?

They are 16! What's the big deal? When he asks her to marry her next month, it might be because you made such a huge issue out of it, because teens like nothing better than to pi** off their parents.

[Anonymous]

She sounds vivacious and young, and extrovert, and probably talks too much because she is nervous. Quite frankly, I think I like this girl. You, on the other hand, not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both are 16, both go to the same school. They've been going out for the past 3 months. We've met the parents too. We really don't like the girl. Dresses like she has just rolled out of bad, poor grades, hasn't picked up a book probably since kindergarten. Compared to DS' previous GF, she's a total loser. Absolutely uninhibited, inserts herself in all conversations. Parents are clueless or don't care. Yet he sees her as funny and utterly helpless, wants to bring her to family functions. How can we put a stop to this?

They are 16! What's the big deal? When he asks her to marry her next month, it might be because you made such a huge issue out of it, because teens like nothing better than to pi** off their parents.

I'll never forget when my nephew (who knew my sister HATED his GF) changed his facebook status to engaged to GF when he was 15 and left it that way for a week just to piss his mom off. I really thought my sister was going to blow a freaking gasket the way she was carrying on. It was pretty funny... to everyone other than my sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both are 16, both go to the same school. They've been going out for the past 3 months. We've met the parents too. We really don't like the girl. Dresses like she has just rolled out of bad, poor grades, hasn't picked up a book probably since kindergarten. Compared to DS' previous GF, she's a total loser. Absolutely uninhibited, inserts herself in all conversations. Parents are clueless or don't care. Yet he sees her as funny and utterly helpless, wants to bring her to family functions. How can we put a stop to this?

They are 16! What's the big deal? When he asks her to marry her next month, it might be because you made such a huge issue out of it, because teens like nothing better than to pi** off their parents.

I'll never forget when my nephew (who knew my sister HATED his GF) changed his facebook status to engaged to GF when he was 15 and left it that way for a week just to piss his mom off. I really thought my sister was going to blow a freaking gasket the way she was carrying on. It was pretty funny... to everyone other than my sister.

I don't find that funny at all. Obviously you don't have teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both are 16, both go to the same school. They've been going out for the past 3 months. We've met the parents too. We really don't like the girl. Dresses like she has just rolled out of bad, poor grades, hasn't picked up a book probably since kindergarten. Compared to DS' previous GF, she's a total loser. Absolutely uninhibited, inserts herself in all conversations. Parents are clueless or don't care. Yet he sees her as funny and utterly helpless, wants to bring her to family functions. How can we put a stop to this?

They are 16! What's the big deal? When he asks her to marry her next month, it might be because you made such a huge issue out of it, because teens like nothing better than to pi** off their parents.

I'll never forget when my nephew (who knew my sister HATED his GF) changed his facebook status to engaged to GF when he was 15 and left it that way for a week just to piss his mom off. I really thought my sister was going to blow a freaking gasket the way she was carrying on. It was pretty funny... to everyone other than my sister.

I don't find that funny at all. Obviously you don't have teens.

The point. You've missed it.

[Anonymous]

When I was in high school one of my friends who was super fun but also a little dumb and from a dysfunctional family was dating a very clean cut guy whose mother haaated her. I found out years later that she accidentally became pregnant at 17 and they decided to have an abortion. Honestly, they were both pretty messed up for a while as a result. So yeah, do encourage your son to use birth control. It's pretty important.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you need to politely tell him anything he probably already knows. If he's had prior girlfriends I'm sure he can discern the stark contrast between how receptive and engaging you were to them as opposed to this new love of his life. You don't need to say anything to him besides, "Keep your *bleep* in your pants and if you happen to accidentally trip and fall on top of her you better be wearing a condom."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both are 16, both go to the same school. They've been going out for the past 3 months. We've met the parents too. We really don't like the girl. Dresses like she has just rolled out of bad, poor grades, hasn't picked up a book probably since kindergarten. Compared to DS' previous GF, she's a total loser. Absolutely uninhibited, inserts herself in all conversations. Parents are clueless or don't care. Yet he sees her as funny and utterly helpless, wants to bring her to family functions. How can we put a stop to this?

They're 16. It'll be over soon unless she gets pregnant, then you're stuck with her forever.

[Anonymous]

NP. I don't see the problem with encouraging both teens to use birth control, and directly asking about it. If it's a serious relationship, it deserves a serious talk. I would have just looped her parents in on the conversation.

Yes, my son has access to condoms, I proactively supply them. Still, females the control over the decision to become parents. Plus, they are both safer with two forms of BC. Reach out to her parents!

- And yes, keep your mouth shut about your personal thoughts on his GF.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel for you, I too know what it's like when your DC dates someone hideous. Best way to resolve this? Lots of smiles. Include her in venues where she will not fit in. Invite teens who are of the same background or interests to your house. She will stick out like a sore thumb. Eventually your DS will see the light of day. He shouldn't be this girl's savior. She needs to work on it herself.