How to politely tell our DS that we really, REALLY don't like his GF?

[Anonymous]

Your son is only 16. As long as his grades are staying up and he's being reasonably responsible (obeying curfews, studying when he needs to, etc.) then I would leave this alone.

There are worse things than having an unpretentious, funny, sweet, down to earth girl in his life. And as far as birth control goes - your son needs to understand that it is HIS duty to protect HIMSELF. Every time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH had a relationship in high school that his parents disapproved of (as far as I can tell not for any legitimate reason). They freaked out and it ruined my DH relationship with them. This was 25 years ago. We only see them once a year and our kids (who are in middle school) barely know them. It's very sad.

It is sad, and it says more about your DH than your in- laws.

You better hope and pray you don't get divorced from him ever.

[Anonymous]

If you tell him, it will just drive them together longer than it will naturallyast anyhow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel for you, I too know what it's like when your DC dates someone hideous. Best way to resolve this? Lots of smiles. Include her in venues where she will not fit in. Invite teens who are of the same background or interests to your house. She will stick out like a sore thumb. Eventually your DS will see the light of day. He shouldn't be this girl's savior. She needs to work on it herself.

Yes. Going out of your way to passively aggressively make an awkward child feel miserable is key.

Jesus, I can't believe some of you people.

She is practicing to be a MIL who never gets to see her son or her grandkids.

This type of thing does not happen overnight. It takes time and attention to refine these skills.

[Anonymous]

Op,

Why can't you be nice to the gf and try to help her? Maybe you would find that she isn't that bad at all if you gave her half a chance. Maybe you make her nervous and she says silly things because she isn't 36. I can't believe you asked her about birth control. I would be cagey to with you! Btw, I didn't have a boyfriend at 16 ( nerd) but I do feel sorry for the girl. I hope she leaves your son just to get away from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op,

Why can't you be nice to the gf and try to help her? Maybe you would find that she isn't that bad at all if you gave her half a chance. Maybe you make her nervous and she says silly things because she isn't 36. I can't believe you asked her about birth control. I would be cagey to with you! Btw, I didn't have a boyfriend at 16 ( nerd) but I do feel sorry for the girl. I hope she leaves your son just to get away from you.

Oh, her son needs this sweet girl. Don't wish her away .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Her own parents said "we are so happy SOMEONE PICKED OUR DAUGHTER." I don't want my DS to be her savior.

Who trained him to be Captain-Save-A-Ho?

Probably you, mom. Congratulations!

I bet there are like 5 of us here who get this reference

\

*raises hand* I'm one

[Anonymous]

Your son probably chose someone not like you because he doesn't like you. How about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They're 16, chances are it's not going to last!

This.

[Anonymous]

As the mother of a girl, if I found out you point-blank asked my kid if she was on birth control, I would FREAK OUT. What is wrong with you? You sound unspeakably rude and crass. I was raised to expect boys to be gentlemen. I realize those days are long gone, but a lunatic asking my princess if she's on birth control?! WTF? Raise your son to be a gentleman. There. Then nobody gets pregnant. Okay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the mother of a girl, if I found out you point-blank asked my kid if she was on birth control, I would FREAK OUT. What is wrong with you? You sound unspeakably rude and crass. I was raised to expect boys to be gentlemen. I realize those days are long gone, but a lunatic asking my princess if she's on birth control?! WTF? Raise your son to be a gentleman. There. Then nobody gets pregnant. Okay?

OP here. I raise a gentleman. He takes care of himself. He knows all about protection. If your "princess" has no reservations showing up half-naked in front of her BF's parents, then I have no reservations to ask her if she's taking care of herself before she screws my son. Raise your "princess" to work on her manners, grades and appearance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the mother of a girl, if I found out you point-blank asked my kid if she was on birth control, I would FREAK OUT. What is wrong with you? You sound unspeakably rude and crass. I was raised to expect boys to be gentlemen. I realize those days are long gone, but a lunatic asking my princess if she's on birth control?! WTF? Raise your son to be a gentleman. There. Then nobody gets pregnant. Okay?

OP here. I raise a gentleman. He takes care of himself. He knows all about protection. If your "princess" has no reservations showing up half-naked in front of her BF's parents, then I have no reservations to ask her if she's taking care of herself before she screws my son. Raise your "princess" to work on her manners, grades and appearance.

Everybody is responsible for ensuring their own health, safety, and future. Nobody should be judged on what they wear. People regardless of gender should treat each other well & with respect. And someone's health/medicines/birth control choices are not the business of anyone other than them, their doctor(s), their sexual partner(s) and maybe their parents. In other words, not the girlfriend or boyfriend's parents.

There, simple & done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both are 16, both go to the same school. They've been going out for the past 3 months. We've met the parents too. We really don't like the girl. Dresses like she has just rolled out of bad, poor grades, hasn't picked up a book probably since kindergarten. Compared to DS' previous GF, she's a total loser. Absolutely uninhibited, inserts herself in all conversations. Parents are clueless or don't care. Yet he sees her as funny and utterly helpless, wants to bring her to family functions. How can we put a stop to this?

Are they fucking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both are 16, both go to the same school. They've been going out for the past 3 months. We've met the parents too. We really don't like the girl. Dresses like she has just rolled out of bad, poor grades, hasn't picked up a book probably since kindergarten. Compared to DS' previous GF, she's a total loser. Absolutely uninhibited, inserts herself in all conversations. Parents are clueless or don't care. Yet he sees her as funny and utterly helpless, wants to bring her to family functions. How can we put a stop to this?

Well, since he's a minor subject to your rules and it's your family function, you could simply say she's not welcome and forbid him to bring or invite her. However, just because you can do something does not mean you should or that the heavy-handed approach is a good idea.

It might be a better idea to welcome her or at least be neutrally polite to and about her for the short duration teen relationships are likely to last. Doing otherwise would likely just make her more attractive to your son and put strain on the parent-child relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the mother of a girl, if I found out you point-blank asked my kid if she was on birth control, I would FREAK OUT. What is wrong with you? You sound unspeakably rude and crass. I was raised to expect boys to be gentlemen. I realize those days are long gone, but a lunatic asking my princess if she's on birth control?! WTF? Raise your son to be a gentleman. There. Then nobody gets pregnant. Okay?

I have a son and I totally agree with you.