s/o let's be civil here and stop the diagnoses lawyering

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This argument plays out constantly on every forum on DCUM in the guise of "If you disagree with me or question my precepts in any way, you are a troll."

My point is, on the SN board you may want to stop for a second and consider whether your job is really to disagree and argue every little point, or be supportive and helpful. In my deleted post I gave more than enough information to get some good ideas, and I was not asking for my kid's diagnosis, treatment and prognosis to be critiqued. That stuff was totally irrelevant and unhelpful.

Again, no one is arguing with you. That's your interpretation. Maybe you don't care about a diagnosis; maybe you just don't want to know. Bottom line is since your kid is young and you're looking for advice on schools, people asking for more detail are trying to help you.

I didn't get the sense they were trying to help. I got the impression they were mad I referred to my child's needs as mild and thought he should be able to go to a mainstream private, especially since he has had "behaviors".

Mainstream privates do not take kids with behaviors, SNs or no SNs. Many of us have a kid with mild SNs so no, not mad that your kid has mild SNs. For school recommendations you need to be a little less vague.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This argument plays out constantly on every forum on DCUM in the guise of "If you disagree with me or question my precepts in any way, you are a troll."

My point is, on the SN board you may want to stop for a second and consider whether your job is really to disagree and argue every little point, or be supportive and helpful. In my deleted post I gave more than enough information to get some good ideas, and I was not asking for my kid's diagnosis, treatment and prognosis to be critiqued. That stuff was totally irrelevant and unhelpful.

Again, no one is arguing with you. That's your interpretation. Maybe you don't care about a diagnosis; maybe you just don't want to know. Bottom line is since your kid is young and you're looking for advice on schools, people asking for more detail are trying to help you.

I didn't get the sense they were trying to help. I got the impression they were mad I referred to my child's needs as mild and thought he should be able to go to a mainstream private, especially since he has had "behaviors".

Yes, we got the impression you're in total denial. You're posting here, you're afraid your child can't handle a mainstream school with an iep, your kid has behaviors, got an iep, and we are telling you, behaviors are going to be a problem anywhere and your child's special needs are no more mild than anyone else's. Nobody knows at this point and for some reason your kid was impaired enough to get an iep. So someone evidentially disagrees with your assessment, and in my experience they resist giving those things out like crazy. I think you're defensive and combative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This argument plays out constantly on every forum on DCUM in the guise of "If you disagree with me or question my precepts in any way, you are a troll."

My point is, on the SN board you may want to stop for a second and consider whether your job is really to disagree and argue every little point, or be supportive and helpful. In my deleted post I gave more than enough information to get some good ideas, and I was not asking for my kid's diagnosis, treatment and prognosis to be critiqued. That stuff was totally irrelevant and unhelpful.

Again, no one is arguing with you. That's your interpretation. Maybe you don't care about a diagnosis; maybe you just don't want to know. Bottom line is since your kid is young and you're looking for advice on schools, people asking for more detail are trying to help you.

I didn't get the sense they were trying to help. I got the impression they were mad I referred to my child's needs as mild and thought he should be able to go to a mainstream private, especially since he has had "behaviors".

Yes, we got the impression you're in total denial. You're posting here, you're afraid your child can't handle a mainstream school with an iep, your kid has behaviors, got an iep, and we are telling you, behaviors are going to be a problem anywhere and your child's special needs are no more mild than anyone else's. Nobody knows at this point and for some reason your kid was impaired enough to get an iep. So someone evidentially disagrees with your assessment, and in my experience they resist giving those things out like crazy. I think you're defensive and combative.

you're just going to have to trust me that he both has an IEP and mild needs that I realistically think are manageable in the right environment, possibly at a welcoming mainstream private. I appreciated the people who actually answered the question. But my thread isn't the only one that got this treatment today, fwiw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This argument plays out constantly on every forum on DCUM in the guise of "If you disagree with me or question my precepts in any way, you are a troll."

My point is, on the SN board you may want to stop for a second and consider whether your job is really to disagree and argue every little point, or be supportive and helpful. In my deleted post I gave more than enough information to get some good ideas, and I was not asking for my kid's diagnosis, treatment and prognosis to be critiqued. That stuff was totally irrelevant and unhelpful.

Again, no one is arguing with you. That's your interpretation. Maybe you don't care about a diagnosis; maybe you just don't want to know. Bottom line is since your kid is young and you're looking for advice on schools, people asking for more detail are trying to help you.

I didn't get the sense they were trying to help. I got the impression they were mad I referred to my child's needs as mild and thought he should be able to go to a mainstream private, especially since he has had "behaviors".

Yes, we got the impression you're in total denial. You're posting here, you're afraid your child can't handle a mainstream school with an iep, your kid has behaviors, got an iep, and we are telling you, behaviors are going to be a problem anywhere and your child's special needs are no more mild than anyone else's. Nobody knows at this point and for some reason your kid was impaired enough to get an iep. So someone evidentially disagrees with your assessment, and in my experience they resist giving those things out like crazy. I think you're defensive and combative.

you're just going to have to trust me that he both has an IEP and mild needs that I realistically think are manageable in the right environment, possibly at a welcoming mainstream private. I appreciated the people who actually answered the question. But my thread isn't the only one that got this treatment today, fwiw.

Not PP, but if you are referring to the mom who thinks her kid should not get zeros for failing to turn in homework multiple times, I have to tell you, my kid goes to a SN school and the "but he has executive functioning issues" excuse would not fly in m.s. or h.s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This argument plays out constantly on every forum on DCUM in the guise of "If you disagree with me or question my precepts in any way, you are a troll."

My point is, on the SN board you may want to stop for a second and consider whether your job is really to disagree and argue every little point, or be supportive and helpful. In my deleted post I gave more than enough information to get some good ideas, and I was not asking for my kid's diagnosis, treatment and prognosis to be critiqued. That stuff was totally irrelevant and unhelpful.

Again, no one is arguing with you. That's your interpretation. Maybe you don't care about a diagnosis; maybe you just don't want to know. Bottom line is since your kid is young and you're looking for advice on schools, people asking for more detail are trying to help you.

I didn't get the sense they were trying to help. I got the impression they were mad I referred to my child's needs as mild and thought he should be able to go to a mainstream private, especially since he has had "behaviors".

Yes, we got the impression you're in total denial. You're posting here, you're afraid your child can't handle a mainstream school with an iep, your kid has behaviors, got an iep, and we are telling you, behaviors are going to be a problem anywhere and your child's special needs are no more mild than anyone else's. Nobody knows at this point and for some reason your kid was impaired enough to get an iep. So someone evidentially disagrees with your assessment, and in my experience they resist giving those things out like crazy. I think you're defensive and combative.

you're just going to have to trust me that he both has an IEP and mild needs that I realistically think are manageable in the right environment, possibly at a welcoming mainstream private. I appreciated the people who actually answered the question. But my thread isn't the only one that got this treatment today, fwiw.

I asked the question and so did another person: if you genuinely believe that your child's needs are manageable in a welcoming mainstream private school (and note that I have no reason to doubt your opinion whatsoever, I am not questioning you AT ALL), why not post in Private Schools? This is Special Needs. It's hard enough to get special needs kids into Special Needs Schools. If you seek a mainstream school, post on mainstream forums. Because as a special needs mom, I really, truly, have no information about welcoming mainstream private schools for children with behavior issues, IEPs and mild needs. I believe you may be hunting a unicorn. (Again, just my opinion, and no reason to doubt your assumptions, just saying -- knowledge base at zero.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This argument plays out constantly on every forum on DCUM in the guise of "If you disagree with me or question my precepts in any way, you are a troll."

My point is, on the SN board you may want to stop for a second and consider whether your job is really to disagree and argue every little point, or be supportive and helpful. In my deleted post I gave more than enough information to get some good ideas, and I was not asking for my kid's diagnosis, treatment and prognosis to be critiqued. That stuff was totally irrelevant and unhelpful.

Again, no one is arguing with you. That's your interpretation. Maybe you don't care about a diagnosis; maybe you just don't want to know. Bottom line is since your kid is young and you're looking for advice on schools, people asking for more detail are trying to help you.

I didn't get the sense they were trying to help. I got the impression they were mad I referred to my child's needs as mild and thought he should be able to go to a mainstream private, especially since he has had "behaviors".

Mainstream privates do not take kids with behaviors, SNs or no SNs. Many of us have a kid with mild SNs so no, not mad that your kid has mild SNs. For school recommendations you need to be a little less vague.

Well sometimes they do. But then they counsel them out midyear.

[Anonymous]

I think people click on recent topics and end up posting when they are clueless about SN topics (see: the thread about the long bus ride).

[Anonymous]

We are also looking at mainstream private schools for our DS with mild SNs and an IEP. This is for middle school, 6th grade. He has ASD/ADHD. Medicated for ADHD. No behaviors and fully mainstreamed at a dual language charter where he is an all around excellent student and outstanding in math and chess. His IEP is mostly for social communication issues. His psychiatrist and neuropsych think that DS will do fine at a top tier mainstream private or a public magnet.

Things like grade, diagnosis or at least a list of behaviors that cause concern, etc are helpful when asking about schools. Saying your kid has mild SNs and an IEP but that you feel he can be "accommodated at a mainstream private" isn't going to get you many answers only questions and people asking are trying to help and answer your question not debate with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This argument plays out constantly on every forum on DCUM in the guise of "If you disagree with me or question my precepts in any way, you are a troll."

My point is, on the SN board you may want to stop for a second and consider whether your job is really to disagree and argue every little point, or be supportive and helpful. In my deleted post I gave more than enough information to get some good ideas, and I was not asking for my kid's diagnosis, treatment and prognosis to be critiqued. That stuff was totally irrelevant and unhelpful.

Again, no one is arguing with you. That's your interpretation. Maybe you don't care about a diagnosis; maybe you just don't want to know. Bottom line is since your kid is young and you're looking for advice on schools, people asking for more detail are trying to help you.

I didn't get the sense they were trying to help. I got the impression they were mad I referred to my child's needs as mild and thought he should be able to go to a mainstream private, especially since he has had "behaviors".

Yes, we got the impression you're in total denial. You're posting here, you're afraid your child can't handle a mainstream school with an iep, your kid has behaviors, got an iep, and we are telling you, behaviors are going to be a problem anywhere and your child's special needs are no more mild than anyone else's. Nobody knows at this point and for some reason your kid was impaired enough to get an iep. So someone evidentially disagrees with your assessment, and in my experience they resist giving those things out like crazy. I think you're defensive and combative.

you're just going to have to trust me that he both has an IEP and mild needs that I realistically think are manageable in the right environment, possibly at a welcoming mainstream private. I appreciated the people who actually answered the question. But my thread isn't the only one that got this treatment today, fwiw.

I asked the question and so did another person: if you genuinely believe that your child's needs are manageable in a welcoming mainstream private school (and note that I have no reason to doubt your opinion whatsoever, I am not questioning you AT ALL), why not post in Private Schools? This is Special Needs. It's hard enough to get special needs kids into Special Needs Schools. If you seek a mainstream school, post on mainstream forums. Because as a special needs mom, I really, truly, have no information about welcoming mainstream private schools for children with behavior issues, IEPs and mild needs. I believe you may be hunting a unicorn. (Again, just my opinion, and no reason to doubt your assumptions, just saying -- knowledge base at zero.)

I hear you. But since my child does have SN and a history of distruptive behavior I was pretty sure I'd get torn to shreds on the private forum. I recall a really ugly thread there about "quirky" children. Also the extent of my son's needs/impacts is not clear yet, so I wanted specific feedback on schools good with SN and also SN schools for more mild needs.

[Anonymous]

With a "history of disruptive behavior" and an IEP, you are going to have a difficult time getting your child into any school including SN schools like Maddux, Auburn, Harbor, etc.

[Anonymous]

Among mainstream schools I'd try Sheridan, St Andrews, Sandy Spring Friends, Green Acres or Lowell.

They are all in the more progressive, whole child vein and say they welcome children with diverse learning styles. I have friends who have sent kids to all, including a couple with SNs. The SN kids didn't last much past 2nd and the parents were doing a lot of supports and therapies outside school at their own expense.

You won't know until you apply, visit and meet with the directors whether they will be good for your child.

That said if I were in your shoes, I'd move into the Bethesda Elementary school district and try public school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Among mainstream schools I'd try Sheridan, St Andrews, Sandy Spring Friends, Green Acres or Lowell.

They are all in the more progressive, whole child vein and say they welcome children with diverse learning styles. I have friends who have sent kids to all, including a couple with SNs. The SN kids didn't last much past 2nd and the parents were doing a lot of supports and therapies outside school at their own expense.

You won't know until you apply, visit and meet with the directors whether they will be good for your child.

That said if I were in your shoes, I'd move into the Bethesda Elementary school district and try public school.

Yeah, but depending on the SN some of the schools mentioned will be the absolute wrong environment especially if the kid needs a lot of structure.

OP won't even disclose what the "mild SN" is that required an IEP in public preschool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Among mainstream schools I'd try Sheridan, St Andrews, Sandy Spring Friends, Green Acres or Lowell.

They are all in the more progressive, whole child vein and say they welcome children with diverse learning styles. I have friends who have sent kids to all, including a couple with SNs. The SN kids didn't last much past 2nd and the parents were doing a lot of supports and therapies outside school at their own expense.

You won't know until you apply, visit and meet with the directors whether they will be good for your child.

That said if I were in your shoes, I'd move into the Bethesda Elementary school district and try public school.

Yeah, but depending on the SN some of the schools mentioned will be the absolute wrong environment especially if the kid needs a lot of structure.

OP won't even disclose what the "mild SN" is that required an IEP in public preschool.

I think this is the crux of the perceived negative feedback she got. When people ask advice on this board, it helps to offer some detail. Nobody can advise you on what program or school is best for your child if you refuse to divulge any information other than "it's just really really mild and not a super biggie but he has an IEP for it." That's not enough information for anyone to offer advice or recommendations. And when a parent wants the benefit of the advice of fellow special needs parents, while simultaneously denying THEIR child has actual special needs, it really rubs people the wrong way. You can't say you want our advice and understanding and commiseration while also refusing to align yourself with us and our kids because you and yours aren't really SN families.

[Anonymous]

Lots of kids have moments of disruptive behavior. What schools will work for you depends a lot on how much/what kind of behaviors. (My kid has a history of severe behavioral problems and was turned down by Auburn/Ivymount/Newyon etc.

If the behavior is not too severe, you could try an extra year of preschool to try to work on the behavior issues.

[Anonymous]

Op, you just said yourself that you don't know how severe the needs are yet. If your kid is just 4, you've got some waiting to do, I'm afraid. Could get better, could stay the same, could get worse. That's why you don't want to end up somewhere that might ask you to leave if the same or worse occurs. You would waste time, money, and heartache. Fwiw, my kid who was initially denied an iep until we came up with a medical reason, epilepsy, was turned away from Maddux with behavioral issues and adhd.