S/o SAHDs - why do so many women not want one?
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Anonymous
+1 this was my first thought too. I love my husband and he's awesome at a lot of things, but I think he'd agree that staying at home would not work out well for him or our relationship. |
Anonymous
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Neither of us would have enjoyed being home with toddlers 100%. Both of us took 3 month maternity leave with each child.
I worked 32 hours a week for the 1st year of both of our child's life. My H did not handle 1-3 yo very well. We had a live in nanny until the youngest was full time in school. She only worked 30 hours a week since our work life was so flexible and we don't work crazy hours. This was nice because we had a ready made babysitter every other Saturday (since she was paid for 40 hours/week) so we could continue to build our relationship and marriage after kids. Both of us could have jobs that allowed the other to SAH (I actually make more than my H). But, the working parent would have to work 60 hours a week and travel. We both love being 100% involved in our kids lives so we both have flexible government jobs. I would not want to sacrifice seeing my kids and being fully involved in their lives so he could SAH, and he feels the same way about me SAH. If I SAH or my H SAH each of us would not have a whole lot of respect for the other if they spent 9am-3pm doing very little, it is not that hard to grocery shop, cook, do laundry and pick up the house each day, that does not take 6 hours x 5 days = 30 hours a week. Neither of us is going to clean so either way there would be a cleaning service. I don't really see the point for either sitting around the house all day, or going to the gym or whatever once the kids are in school. My H was a SAHD once when he was between jobs and he was bored. |
Anonymous
| My DH is a SAHD. It wasn't our plan originally but it's working out great. |
Anonymous
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I'm a single woman on a high earning trajectory - not super high, but I could probably make about 200 or 250 by the time I have kids.
I would love to marry a guy who would be a sahd, if it suited him. |
Anonymous
| DH is a SAHD right now as he is between jobs. He's fine at it, gets a lot done, keeps the kids active, etc. It makes my life a lot easier and I certainly don't want to stay at home. But I don't make nearly enough to support our current life, and it would be hard for me to increase my salary. We could live off my salary but we'd have to downgrade a lot of stuff. |
Anonymous
| Because most women find a man who is a good provider attractive. Social conditioning? Biology? I don't know, but it's true. |
Anonymous
| In all honesty, I would not respect my DH if he were a SAHD. |
Anonymous
| Because my husband can only take the kids in small increments. I would love him to be the hands on, playful, patient dad that would make a great SAHD. But he's not. I was a SAHM for a while and, while I love being with the kids, I really wanted to be successful in my career. My husband is not in his dream career and would be more inclined to give it up to stay home. We both make around the same amount, so that's not a factor. He's just not cut out for it. |
Anonymous
| Because women don't want men to find out that it's little more than a free meal ticket scam. Oh, and the woman might have to deal with a scary thing called responsibility... |
Anonymous
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1. He would hate it and be bad at it, and admits as much.
2. He makes a lot more than I did. 3. His job has more perks than mine did. 4. I'm traditional and basically following my parents' footsteps (SAHM while the kids are little, then back to work). 5. I like domestic and SAHM-type things like volunteering at school, making fancy cookies, and I'm a clean freak. |
Anonymous
Whoa, misogynist much, Mr. Nasty? Try it for a month. I dare you. |
Anonymous
| All these women who's DH far out earn them. Did you scale back your career early on in anticipation of kids? You say it doesn't make sense b/c your DH far out earns you, but is it possible you were stacking the deck? |
Anonymous
| It's not normal...call me old fashioned |
Anonymous
Or they are unemployable |
Anonymous
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I have one. It wasn't my plan. I always wanted to work and assumed my spouse would work. There are definite good things about it (much less stress to have a parent at home, kids have strong bonds with dad) but the bad things are:
(1) the stress on me of feeling like everything money and insurance related is on me (2) loss of earning potential for one member of our team and feeling like he will never really have a career again (3) sometimes feeling resentful he is more a part of the kids' day than I am. I think these are the drawbacks of a stay at home spouse of any gender, though. |