S/o SAHDs - why do so many women not want one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've not met any men who are good at it and it seems that the mom who works for pay still has to do all of the homework.

I think women are stuck having to be the "momagers" of the family. A husband can execute a task, but not take care of the "macro" of family life...finding a doctor, getting a birthday present, making dinner, cleaning the house, etc. all while the woman is at work. I dare anyone to tell me of one man who can do all of those things.

I am your one man. I do it. I do it ALL. and I work 50-55 hours a week. Wife cooks maybe 3x a week if I'm lucky, and even then she doesn't clean up after herself. I do ALL of the cleaning, literally all of it (dishes, mopping, dusting, laundry, et al) and most of the time when I am cleaning she's laying on the couch playing Candy Crush and watching Grey's Anatomy type shows. And she is still "too tired" for sex other than once since September.

I help Jr with the homework. I take him to all his practices and games. I am the one taking him to the doctor.

Stop it with your sexist, condescending and hateful rhetoric about men and fathers. Momager. What a joke. You're a terrible person for even insinuating what you wrote.

You make me sick to think there are hateful and despicable women like you in this world procreating.

I think it's awesome that you contribute so much to your family. A lot of men do and their efforts are overlooked or dismissed. I think a lot of these posters know one-dimensional men and conclude that all men must be similarly unable to do such things.

Agreed and this seems like a good and decent man above, but I think good portion of these women don't "know" men at all. They stick with the home team, if you're following what I mean

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
For me, it's not that the man (husband) can't do those things--it's that he'll only do then when the woman notices and asks him to do them.... whereas the woman just notices something that needs to be done and does it.

Exactly.

I resent it too. When I walk into a house it OCCURS TO ME me to unload the dishwasher and move the laundry from washer to dryer. It DOES NOT, however, occur to my husband. He has to be told to do it. Every time. His mom was SAHM btw, with the martini at the door kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He would suck at it

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am your one man. I do it. I do it ALL. and I work 50-55 hours a week. Wife cooks maybe 3x a week if I'm lucky,

There are 7 days a week, dude. So your wife does half the cooking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am your one man. I do it. I do it ALL. and I work 50-55 hours a week. Wife cooks maybe 3x a week if I'm lucky,

There are 7 days a week, dude. So your wife does half the cooking.

Actually 40% of the time if he's lucky.

Read.

[Anonymous]

My husband was unemployed for a few months when our daughter was in 3rd grade. We had a nest egg so I wasn't too stressed about money- just sad for him because of his career setback. But I figured heck, let's see how the other half lives and enjoy my life as a woman with a stay at home spouse.

I hated it. There were days when he had six full hours will DD was at school and I'd come home to breakfast dishes still in the sink and a guy saying "what should we do about dinner, honey?"

I came to understand why some couples fight over stupid crap like dishes. I also resented the living crap out Of him.

It's one thing to come home exhausted and share home responsibilities with another exhausted person. There's an esprit de corps there.

It's quite another to come home to someone who's had no commute, no time taken to dress up, six unstructured hours to get shit done, and have to jump in and share tasks equally (not quite equally, because he still did the helpless dad doesn't know how to do it as well as you thing). I bit my tongue the whole time because it sucked for him to lose his job and he was really hurting, but I was tense AF and irritated.

He felt like crap about work.

The up side was having someone home after school. After that was all over I found a flexible job so I could do that. Best of both worlds.

I'm so glad it's over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it amusing that for many posters here this seems to be true.

SAHMs = the most important job in the world, harder than being in an office

SAHDs = unemployed and in between jobs (and this seems to be the case even for the breadwinner moms who enjoy having their DHs on the home front).

I don't think SAHM is the hardest job in the world. Only well off people would say that. Ask a military service member, ICU nurse, or coal miner if they think it'd be harder to look after a baby and toddler from the comfort of one's home.

Not the hardest job by a long shot. I was unhappy when I did it but not because it was hard. I have far less down time now that I'm back in the work force. I was unhappy at home because it was easy and dull. Days would go by in which i didn't have an interesting conversation or use my brain at all.

My house was tidy and we ate good food but i was bored.

[Anonymous]

DH here. If I had to put with a wife that whose mentality resembled the DCUM frequenters here, then I'd suck at housework too. Intentionally.

There are some miserable women in this forum. And I swear their life's mission is to make everyone else miserable too. Such a sad life.

[Anonymous]

I think these are really pathetic attitudes too. My SAHD husband does a freaking ton of household/childcare work--as do I. There is plenty to go round for us both and we are a united team.

Our lives are a lot less stressful because of having a stay at home parent, but the financial aspects of it are a real drag. I hope my SAHD husband can get a job when the kids go back to school. But I worry he never really will. I love him, and he is wonderful, but income generation is not his strength. Luckily I do OK for us both but sometimes I think about how much more we'd be saving for college, etc., if he would be able to work and I hope he will be able to. But after 6 years of SAH I am really worried it will never happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I have known a great SAHD, I dated two guys who wanted to be SAHDs. They weren't doing it because they loved children or thought family was important. They were just lazy and thought it was an easy job.

Also, something that plays a big role- no maternity leave. If the main breadwinner is female and unpaid for 3 months while she's out on maternity, who will be bringing home a paycheck?

You could just like not take that much leave. Why would you need to with a SAHD?

Six weeks for full recovery.

Three months to have a nice successful run at nursing during the phase that is around the clock every two hours or so.

Two things guys don't need or can't do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here. If I had to put with a wife that whose mentality resembled the DCUM frequenters here, then I'd suck at housework too. Intentionally.

There are some miserable women in this forum. And I swear their life's mission is to make everyone else miserable too. Such a sad life.

I'm the poster who recently wrote about my husband who took DD to the pool at Y and left her there in the lap pool alone, 6 year old, without any safety gear until the facility got closed.

THIS IS WHY I don't want a SAHD. Meanwhile, my husband has a good job and a management position.

What I don't get is that if men are too lazy to operate a dishwasher, how the hell do they get by at work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. If I had to put with a wife that whose mentality resembled the DCUM frequenters here, then I'd suck at housework too. Intentionally.

There are some miserable women in this forum. And I swear their life's mission is to make everyone else miserable too. Such a sad life.

I'm the poster who recently wrote about my husband who took DD to the pool at Y and left her there in the lap pool alone, 6 year old, without any safety gear until the facility got closed.

THIS IS WHY I don't want a SAHD. Meanwhile, my husband has a good job and a management position.

What I don't get is that if men are too lazy to operate a dishwasher, how the hell do they get by at work?

Your DH sounds like an imbecille and terrible parent but please don't tar all men with the same brush. My DH is the default parent. He works but is self employed so he picks the kids up from school every day, organizes doctor appointments, cleans, does laundry and does about half the cooking and shopping. He's also in charge of bedtime and does most night wakeups (im a heavily sleeper and i also can't nap during the day like he can). I'm hoping to make a career change which would enable him to be a SAHD. I'm really hoping it pans out.

[Anonymous]

Because I want the following things in a man:

Cock
Cash
Protector from burglars and predators

Not a maid or nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am your one man. I do it. I do it ALL. and I work 50-55 hours a week. Wife cooks maybe 3x a week if I'm lucky,

There are 7 days a week, dude. So your wife does half the cooking.

I am the OP you're quoting here. Let me tell you about your cooking hero. She has now cooked exactly 3 times in the past 12 days.
One was meatloaf, which was good, and the side dish was potato chips.
The second was Lipton noodle soup, the dehydrated version that comes in a pack where all you do is boil water. I laughed at that and made bacon and eggs myself and the boys. Who serves that to growing lids as a meal?
Third? A freshly made PB&J was on a plate waiting for me. Nothing else.

So go play on the Metro tracks, dude

[Anonymous]

My husband is a SAHD.

But I still do most of the cleaning. I tried to hire someone, but he was offended. He just doesn't see the need to clean, and I like the house clean.

Plus, he can't cook, won't learn. So on his watch, we end up getting take out a lot.

Besides him being a dad, I'm very unhappy that I don't feel like I'm coming home to a well run household. I don't feel he's pulling his weight in this arrangement.

If he were my employee, he'd be fired.