S/o SAHDs - why do so many women not want one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty sad that so many posters have such a narrow view of how men can be providers for their families or wouldn't respect their DHs if they SAH. To me, being a provider means a man does what needs to be done for his family - period. For one family, that might mean he works. In another family, it may mean he takes care of the kids and the house. How can you really say that a man who recognizes what needs to be done for his family and does it regardless of what society says he "should" do is not worthy of respect? And the hypocrisy some women show is astounding. We don't want to be relegated to certain roles because of our gender, yet many of you seem to view men that way.

It's not sad. It's biology accross all cultures for all of history.

It's not attractive. You can be PC all you want and run around slathered in your pachouli singing kumbaya with your lady boys, but it doesn't change a thing.

Seems to be a double standard. Do you want to use the same reasoning to put women back in the kitchen, barefoot, yank them out of schooling, etc.

[Anonymous]

I just don't think many men want to be a SAHD. For women, you are going to crucified either way, whether you say or go back to work. So you just choose one and move on. For men, there is a very clear default. And if you are choosing not to do that, you have some explaining to do.
I don't know why people on this thread are saying they find it unattractive. Maybe they do. I don't think it's typically the case that a man really wants to stay at home and take care of the kids, and his wife is forcing him back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty sad that so many posters have such a narrow view of how men can be providers for their families or wouldn't respect their DHs if they SAH. To me, being a provider means a man does what needs to be done for his family - period. For one family, that might mean he works. In another family, it may mean he takes care of the kids and the house. How can you really say that a man who recognizes what needs to be done for his family and does it regardless of what society says he "should" do is not worthy of respect? And the hypocrisy some women show is astounding. We don't want to be relegated to certain roles because of our gender, yet many of you seem to view men that way.

It's not sad. It's biology accross all cultures for all of history.

It's not attractive. You can be PC all you want and run around slathered in your pachouli singing kumbaya with your lady boys, but it doesn't change a thing.

Well, our society has evolved over history, even if you clearly have not. We allow women to get an education, vote and hold jobs now. The people who fought those advancements used your same reasoning and it failed. Like it or not, modern society is changing traditional gender roles, just as what is considered "attractive" has changed over the years and generations, too. So keep protesting about biology and status quo. We all know how those arguments end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these women who's DH far out earn them. Did you scale back your career early on in anticipation of kids? You say it doesn't make sense b/c your DH far out earns you, but is it possible you were stacking the deck?

Or they are unemployable

LOL, no. What a lame conspiracy theory. I was in my career for over 12 years, advancing regularly, but the fact is that my field is simply not as remunerative as his. You do realize that some fields pay more than others, right?

"Stacking the deck" and "scal[ing] back your career early on in anticipation of kids" - now I've heard it all. Yeah...I conspired against myself to make less money during my single years just so that if I ever got married and had kids, I could be making less money than the guy I married and have an excuse to stay home and polish my nails all day. You need help, PP.

But why is it okay for you to pursue a less remunerative career when folks ding DHs attaining the BIG career to support a SAHM? Basically you expected in the long run to marry someone to pay your bills, so could follow your "passion."

[Anonymous]

I find it amusing that for many posters here this seems to be true.

SAHMs = the most important job in the world, harder than being in an office

SAHDs = unemployed and in between jobs (and this seems to be the case even for the breadwinner moms who enjoy having their DHs on the home front).

[Anonymous]

I think men do not want to be SAHDs either. Male identity is very connected to their work, and they still want to be the husband and not the wife in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it amusing that for many posters here this seems to be true.

SAHMs = the most important job in the world, harder than being in an office

SAHDs = unemployed and in between jobs (and this seems to be the case even for the breadwinner moms who enjoy having their DHs on the home front).

female hypocrisy knows no bounds

[Anonymous]

1. Practically, women end up doing the fine details of domestic work even with a SAHD. Thank-you notes, school projects, PTA fundraisers, clothes shopping, b-day party planning. Men have a lower threshold of what it means to get things done right.

This would be 100% my concern. If my DH was a true SAH parent, i.e. maintained the house; handled cooking/food; on top of all logistics of kid's doctors, school, activities; handled all events/holidays, ect.,* I would LOVE the set up. What I would anticipate though, would that I would still have a brutal second shift, even if by SAHing, he kept the kids alive till the end of the day. That would be a no-go for me. Basically, if he treated SAH like a job and gave it his all, I would be two thumbs up - even with the financial hit.

*Expectations may differ if e.g. there are 2 kids under 3, special needs, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

1. Practically, women end up doing the fine details of domestic work even with a SAHD. Thank-you notes, school projects, PTA fundraisers, clothes shopping, b-day party planning. Men have a lower threshold of what it means to get things done right.

This would be 100% my concern. If my DH was a true SAH parent, i.e. maintained the house; handled cooking/food; on top of all logistics of kid's doctors, school, activities; handled all events/holidays, ect.,* I would LOVE the set up. What I would anticipate though, would that I would still have a brutal second shift, even if by SAHing, he kept the kids alive till the end of the day. That would be a no-go for me. Basically, if he treated SAH like a job and gave it his all, I would be two thumbs up - even with the financial hit.

*Expectations may differ if e.g. there are 2 kids under 3, special needs, etc.

Yup. The typical SAHD I know is definitely below average when compared to SAHMs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it amusing that for many posters here this seems to be true.

SAHMs = the most important job in the world, harder than being in an office

SAHDs = unemployed and in between jobs (and this seems to be the case even for the breadwinner moms who enjoy having their DHs on the home front).

Not always. Some men can afford early retirement or bring income other than salary. Families come in all shapes and sizes, and it makes me wonder how a bunch of seemingly educated and accomplished people can have such limited views of the world around them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it amusing that for many posters here this seems to be true.

SAHMs = the most important job in the world, harder than being in an office

SAHDs = unemployed and in between jobs (and this seems to be the case even for the breadwinner moms who enjoy having their DHs on the home front).

Not always. Some men can afford early retirement or bring income other than salary. Families come in all shapes and sizes, and it makes me wonder how a bunch of seemingly educated and accomplished people can have such limited views of the world around them.

AMEN!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I think men do not want to be SAHDs either. Male identity is very connected to their work, and they still want to be the husband and not the wife in the relationship.

I find it quite pathetic for both men and women. Is this an American thing? Americans are notoriously married to their careers. I wonder if any of you on your death bed will sincerely regret not spending more time at the office

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I think men do not want to be SAHDs either. Male identity is very connected to their work, and they still want to be the husband and not the wife in the relationship.

I find it quite pathetic for both men and women. Is this an American thing? Americans are notoriously married to their careers. I wonder if any of you on your death bed will sincerely regret not spending more time at the office

Americans - over worked, over stressed, over weight, under sexed. It's a toxic mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these women who's DH far out earn them. Did you scale back your career early on in anticipation of kids? You say it doesn't make sense b/c your DH far out earns you, but is it possible you were stacking the deck?

Or they are unemployable

LOL, no. What a lame conspiracy theory. I was in my career for over 12 years, advancing regularly, but the fact is that my field is simply not as remunerative as his. You do realize that some fields pay more than others, right?

"Stacking the deck" and "scal[ing] back your career early on in anticipation of kids" - now I've heard it all. Yeah...I conspired against myself to make less money during my single years just so that if I ever got married and had kids, I could be making less money than the guy I married and have an excuse to stay home and polish my nails all day. You need help, PP.

You don't know any SAHM that are unemployable? Get out of your bubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sexually attracted to non-income earning men.

+1