SO angry at my dh this morning

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He claims he loves and is happy where he lives, but from your description it doesn't sound like it at all.

Perhaps bring up this topic every time he is cranky and tired after work.

The commute makes him miserable too!!! He for some reason cannot see how much better life would be if we lived closer!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh and I live in Fairfax and work in downtown Washington. We alternate between taking the metro into work and back and driving. Neither way is particularly convenient and each leaves us feeling drained, exhausted and frustrated for various reasons before we get to the office or before we get home. It takes us at least one hour each way and we usually get home around 8pm or 9 pm since he works later than I do and since I do not have a car and have developed claustrophobia I do not take the metro.

We get home around 8 or 9 pm, we're tired grumpy and exhausted and then we whip up dinner, watch netflix and crash.

I am NOT okay with this. Since our lease is up late April, I want us to move to the city. My dh has an irrational hate for the city and is perfectly content living in Fairfax. I have compromised and say we can live in Arlington even though that will still be too far from where we work. He says any move is going to be the worst idea since he loves and is happy in his current location.

We got into a majot fight about it this morning and now I don't even want to speak with him because what person in their right mind would willingly live SO FAR AWAY from work and spend 2+ hours of their life each day stuck in traffic???

Uh, lots of people. Hence all of the traffic. Including you in your car.

Yes but these people have children and have moved to the suburbs. We are a late twenties childless couple who rent an apartment full of families out in Fairfax.

LONG commute + no social life is KILLING ME.

Well you have to move closer to your job and it sounds like you can. Maybe ask your DH for a year living closer to work. Tell him this is not working for you and it has to change. You already have lived a year in the "country". Try to make it a 15 minutes commute or walk, it will change both of your lives. There are tons of apartments, just how much you want to spend. Good luck, former 50 minute one way commuter.

[Anonymous]

OP - You and DH might need a third party to help you learn to communicate better and share priorities because your daily living style sounds awful......You should try and get help for the claustrophobia which may just be a physical sign of the inner stress from your daily work/commute life. I would at least have him be willing to look at equivalent apartments or condos in Arlington. Also, have you thought of looking on the Maryland side to see if there are more commutable areas to your jobs from that side since you indicate Arlington would still be a haul. And there seems to be more space in some areas of Maryland. Deal with your daily lifestyle woes now before children.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP - You and DH might need a third party to help you learn to communicate better and share priorities because your daily living style sounds awful......You should try and get help for the claustrophobia which may just be a physical sign of the inner stress from your daily work/commute life. I would at least have him be willing to look at equivalent apartments or condos in Arlington. Also, have you thought of looking on the Maryland side to see if there are more commutable areas to your jobs from that side since you indicate Arlington would still be a haul. And there seems to be more space in some areas of Maryland. Deal with your daily lifestyle woes now before children.....

It feels so great to hear someone else say how awful our situation is. I feel so isolated from my DC peers and am taken out of the city every day after work after a grueling 1.5 hours in traffic. I have no friends! I am cooped up in our apartment all the time. No one comes to visit us because we're so far away from everyone. I do NOT want this life before we have children. I feel like I'm going to get a nervous breakdown!

[Anonymous]

Marriage counseling.

And do not, do not, do not get pregnant until this has been resolved one way or another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you planning to have children?

Yes in the next few years and I feel like I have lived my entire twenties in the suburbs and have never had the taste of "young city life." My dh is a hermit and is perfectly content staying in and playing video games but I am not! I WANT to go out after work and just walk to a bar or a restaurant.

I just feel like crying.

Living in Fairfax will do that to you. Generic, soul sucking, decaying county. Move or divorce.

[Anonymous]

Present the Arlington alternative as a compromise you are willing to make. It's not okay for you to be this miserable and Arlington is not as "busy" as DC. Agree with a PP that you may need to discuss this with a third party. I'd also seriously consider looking on the Maryland side too.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you get a car and drive yourself? And develop a social life without your dh. Start there and see where it takes you.

[Anonymous]

this post strikes me as just a cover for "buyers remorse" vent

[Anonymous]

I have always lived in the suburbs (Fairfax) and worked in D.C. I really don't understand your post. If you want to go out go out. I did a lot in my 20's. Had a great time exploring the city. Restaurants, bars, clubs, art openings, theater, music clubs... you name it I tried it out.

Of course I was single so maybe that was the difference. I had no trouble finding tons of friends to hang out with after work and on the weekends in the city. If I didn't have anyone to go out with I went out by myself. I kept alcohol consumption to a minimum so as to avoid the DUI while driving back to the burbs.

Why can't you go out after work while your husband works late and then ride home with him afterwards?

[Anonymous]

OP, is it a financial issue and that is your husband's thinking into not moving into the city, or Arlington?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this post strikes me as just a cover for "buyers remorse" vent

Agreed. Maybe get some counseling so that you can talk things out in a safe place. It's not fair to dump on your DH, presumably you knew who he was when you married him (In defense of him why would you expect someone who hates the city want to live there?) Sadly I know a lot of locals who feel this way and no amount of -- DC is a great place and there are so many fun things to do-- could possible sway them they aren't budging on it. If he doesn't want to spend 30 mins in the city going to HH after work why would he want to spend 24/7 there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you planning to have children?

Yes in the next few years and I feel like I have lived my entire twenties in the suburbs and have never had the taste of "young city life." My dh is a hermit and is perfectly content staying in and playing video games but I am not! I WANT to go out after work and just walk to a bar or a restaurant.

I just feel like crying.

So drive separately so you can go out in the city after work, and go home later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this post strikes me as just a cover for "buyers remorse" vent

Agreed. Maybe get some counseling so that you can talk things out in a safe place. It's not fair to dump on your DH, presumably you knew who he was when you married him (In defense of him why would you expect someone who hates the city want to live there?) Sadly I know a lot of locals who feel this way and no amount of -- DC is a great place and there are so many fun things to do-- could possible sway them they aren't budging on it. If he doesn't want to spend 30 mins in the city going to HH after work why would he want to spend 24/7 there?

I think the commute is a smaller issue to a bigger problem. It seems that you want to socialize and he doesn't. There are a lot of personality and lifestyle choice issues here. You two may not be that compatible. What happens after you have kids...would you be okay with them inside all day and not socializing with friends? My FIL was a control freak who hated socializing. He did not let my MIL socialize either (raised a fuss whenever she goes to see friends, no friends allowed in house). DH grew up not knowing how to socialize, but now he realizes the importance of socializing. However, he just feels awkward going about finding friends and interacting with them. So really think how you want your children to be raised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you planning to have children?

Yes in the next few years and I feel like I have lived my entire twenties in the suburbs and have never had the taste of "young city life." My dh is a hermit and is perfectly content staying in and playing video games but I am not! I WANT to go out after work and just walk to a bar or a restaurant.

I just feel like crying.

OP, what is it about YOU that you would settle for a hermit that's perfectly content staying at home playing video games? This whole post tells me more about you than him. It sounds like you settled or figured this was the best you could get.