MIL just screamed at me

[Anonymous]

Take the kiddo on a nap drive and see if that would konk her out. If worse comes to worse you go in a bedroom and lay down with dd while everyone else enjoys dessert.

If your child pitched a fit in a restaurant you wouldn't demand that everyone at your table leave - NOW. You would take your child out to the car and let her calm down while everyone else continued with their meal.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We saw them last night. MIL called at 7:45 this morning and woke all of us up and we drove an hour to get there. I said we needed to leave at least 1/2 hour before dessert and they were dragging their feet. There was no special dessert, they were leftovers. I don't like being yelled at and I'm frustrated that DH never says anything. I will try to drop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You put the toddler to nap on grandma's bed and sit and have the dessert.

No way did I let my toddler hold me hostage on holidays. And it's only lunchtime -- did you see these people yesterday or on Christmas eve? If not, you bugging out around noon is rude. It's your child's family.

+1

Not every toddler will just conk out on any available bed.

I would be very clear that you are leaving at x time due to naps well in advance.

The bigger issue is that she screamed at you and DH said nothing. I would have packed up the kids and walked out right then--and DH had darned well better come too.

There is objective screaming and then there's a tone of voice that people don't like and label screaming even if third parties barely register it as a raise in voice level. Maybe OP's DH heard it and didn't think it sounded like screaming so he didn't intervene.

Turns out both my mother and my future MIL are yellers. They yell when they are happy. They yell when they are mad. I don't think a shrill tone would cause either of us to take notice. Our mothers are too lady like to curse or throw pie at us if we tried to duck out early, but they do use nasty tones, sarcastic speech patterns, and cutting words sometimes. I think we both regard each other as adults able to hold our own if the other's mom tried to verbally intimidate us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You put the toddler to nap on grandma's bed and sit and have the dessert.

No way did I let my toddler hold me hostage on holidays. And it's only lunchtime -- did you see these people yesterday or on Christmas eve? If not, you bugging out around noon is rude. It's your child's family.

+1

Not every toddler will just conk out on any available bed.

I would be very clear that you are leaving at x time due to naps well in advance.

The bigger issue is that she screamed at you and DH said nothing. I would have packed up the kids and walked out right then--and DH had darned well better come too.

There is objective screaming and then there's a tone of voice that people don't like and label screaming even if third parties barely register it as a raise in voice level. Maybe OP's DH heard it and didn't think it sounded like screaming so he didn't intervene.

Turns out both my mother and my future MIL are yellers. They yell when they are happy. They yell when they are mad. I don't think a shrill tone would cause either of us to take notice. Our mothers are too lady like to curse or throw pie at us if we tried to duck out early, but they do use nasty tones, sarcastic speech patterns, and cutting words sometimes. I think we both regard each other as adults able to hold our own if the other's mom tried to verbally intimidate us.

You are right. MIL talks like this fairly often and everyone but her immediate family is horrified by it. My elderly next door neighbor told me she is scared of her. She primarily does it to her husband. I think it is not ok and her husband or children need to tell her that. I am mostly frustrated that DH didn't say anything. He says he doesn't hear it anymore which I think is a BS excuse. He also says there is no point because she will never change. Everyone seems afraid of her which I don't get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You put the toddler to nap on grandma's bed and sit and have the dessert.

No way did I let my toddler hold me hostage on holidays. And it's only lunchtime -- did you see these people yesterday or on Christmas eve? If not, you bugging out around noon is rude. It's your child's family.

+100

+1

Op, did you at least tell you mil what the schedule needed to be before you got there so she could plan around it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We saw them last night. MIL called at 7:45 this morning and woke all of us up and we drove an hour to get there. I said we needed to leave at least 1/2 hour before dessert and they were dragging their feet. There was no special dessert, they were leftovers. I don't like being yelled at and I'm frustrated that DH never says anything. I will try to drop it.

It sounds to me like your main problem is your DH.

[Anonymous]

OP again. They know her nap schedule. I am pretty flexible about it normally but DD was exhausted - dark circles and stumbling - so it was obvious she needed a nap. Yesterday was a long day for her - she was so excited she didn't sleep well. I didn't want to leave for myself, I just wanted DD to get badly needed rest.

[Anonymous]

Why did she summon you there at 7:45 AM? To eat the leftovers from last night?

[Anonymous]

You're the idiot here. Why did you say FIVE times that you needed to do something? After saying it the first time you should have STOOD UP and left.

I mean, who says they're going to do something five times in a row without doing it?

[Anonymous]

My MIL doesn't get to call me at 7:45 and tell me where to be. DON'T GO.

She shouldn't have raised her voice to you.

But dessert--and toddlers--don't hold grown adults hostage. Next time it's time to leave, you say, "Nancy, as you know we need to leave now for Annabelle's nap." Then you PUT ON YOUR COATS, PICK UP THE CHILD, AND LEAVE.

That's the end of that story.

[Anonymous]

I would have said that it was time to leave, and then left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it meant waiting for 5 mins or even 15 mins, you should have just gone along with it.

I agree.

How old is your kid?

Baby can sleep in your arms or pumpkin seat.

Toddler can have a day where the nap schedule is not exact or where she crashes in grandma's bed and you stay a little longer.

Your schedule is too rigid. Grandma shouldn't have yelled but you definitely had a role in causing this one.

[Anonymous]

So many things happening here. First, if she talks to everyone like this and they are OK with it or no longer notice but you dont like it then that is an issue for you take up with MIL.

Ok you are angry that you wanted to leave and she didnt grant permission. Why do you need it? If you need to go you get coats and leave. Did she have your purse and car keys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. They know her nap schedule. I am pretty flexible about it normally but DD was exhausted - dark circles and stumbling - so it was obvious she needed a nap. Yesterday was a long day for her - she was so excited she didn't sleep well. I didn't want to leave for myself, I just wanted DD to get badly needed rest.

Long day with your family?

You should have left your parent's house early so that she could go to bed and have energy for both sets of families.

This is on you. Five or ten more minutes would not have made a difference if she was already exhausted from the previous day excitement with your parents.

[Anonymous]

Posters who label the schedule as rigid/say the kids can sleep anywhere: just stop. Every mom has the right to set her children's schedule, communicate it clearly, and follow it.

OP: grow a pair of ovaries and JUST LEAVE when it is time to go.

And the next time she yells and your husband doesn't react in the moment, turn to him with eyebrows raised, and say, "Jim?"