MIL just screamed at me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. We hosted Christmas at our house last night. DD is two and was excited about all of her gifts in the morning and both of our families being at our house celebrating. She loves people and had trouble napping yesterday and falling asleep last night. The in-laws wanted us to go there today to celebrate with just them. I didn't just get up and leave because I think it would make things worse. DH is going to tell her not to take that tone with me again. Oh I wasn't gossiping with my neighbor. My MIL yelled at someone in front of my neighbor and she later told me it really upset and scared her. End of discussion.

Next time the phone rings at 7:45 and it's MIL asking you to come over after an exhausting day, you simply reply, "Caroline, we had a great time yesterday, but as I'm sure you can imagine, we're all pretty off-routine and exhausted. We're going to be relaxing at home today. I look forward to seeing you on the fifth (whatever the next visit is)." If you don't have a future date on the books, close with, "Why don't Bill and I give you a call tomorrow to work out some plans in the near future?"

This is not rocket science. You allowed your exhausted family to be pulled into yet more plans. She was wrong to yell. You and your husband were wrong to cave into her wishes for today, when you knew your family was tired and wired and needed to rest.

THIS. MIL was in the wrong to ignore your clearly-stated schedule needs and, of course, wrong to raise her voice to you. But why aren't you taking some responsibility for going over to her house today when you KNEW your kids were exhausted? Come on, you can't tell me you and DH weren't exhausted, too. You set yourself up for a family failure, and now you're surprised it materialized?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you gossiping about your mother in law with her neighbors?

It takes two to tangle and it sounds like you have a part in all of this.

The phrase is "tango," not "tangle."

Tangle actually works in this case too though. LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You put the toddler to nap on grandma's bed and sit and have the dessert.

No way did I let my toddler hold me hostage on holidays. And it's only lunchtime -- did you see these people yesterday or on Christmas eve? If not, you bugging out around noon is rude. It's your child's family.

+1

Not every toddler will just conk out on any available bed.

I would be very clear that you are leaving at x time due to naps well in advance.

The bigger issue is that she screamed at you and DH said nothing. I would have packed up the kids and walked out right then--and DH had darned well better come too.

There is objective screaming and then there's a tone of voice that people don't like and label screaming even if third parties barely register it as a raise in voice level. Maybe OP's DH heard it and didn't think it sounded like screaming so he didn't intervene.

Turns out both my mother and my future MIL are yellers. They yell when they are happy. They yell when they are mad. I don't think a shrill tone would cause either of us to take notice. Our mothers are too lady like to curse or throw pie at us if we tried to duck out early, but they do use nasty tones, sarcastic speech patterns, and cutting words sometimes. I think we both regard each other as adults able to hold our own if the other's mom tried to verbally intimidate us.

Yes! I interpreted it as tone of voice as well.

[Anonymous]

OP - My MIL tries to hold us hostage as well. The posters who are saying that you just need to pack up and leave are correct. I don't even say anything anymore. I just start packing our shit into the car. Then I tell the kids to say goodbye to grandma. She always guilt trips us as we are walking out the door, but we're walking out the door and that's all that matters.

[Anonymous]

Maybe take two cars in the future? You can leave when you need to and let DH stay and cope with her.

If it were me, I would lay down with my little one in a bed at Grandma's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're the idiot here. Why did you say FIVE times that you needed to do something? After saying it the first time you should have STOOD UP and left.

I mean, who says they're going to do something five times in a row without doing it?

I would be annoyed at DH. Who were you saying that you needed to leave? Were you saying it to your MIL, your DH or your child?

You should have said you needed to leave, DH grabbed the coats and put shoes on. Easy.

If you kept announcing that you had to leave, I would be very annoyed with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet you're a real peach, too.

Sorry. On MIl side on this one. You sound like one of those annoying new Moms who thinks the world revolves around you and your kids nap time and nothing else matters. Sorry, but that's annoying to all rational people. Signed -Mother of two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet you're a real peach, too.

Sorry. On MIl side on this one. You sound like one of those annoying new Moms who thinks the world revolves around you and your kids nap time and nothing else matters. Sorry, but that's annoying to all rational people. Signed -Mother of two.

All the bitter moms with only boys are in full force on this thread. Sorry, ladies, but your future DIL WILL run the show, no matter how pissy and passive aggressive you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet you're a real peach, too.

Sorry. On MIl side on this one. You sound like one of those annoying new Moms who thinks the world revolves around you and your kids nap time and nothing else matters. Sorry, but that's annoying to all rational people. Signed -Mother of two.

All the bitter moms with only boys are in full force on this thread. Sorry, ladies, but your future DIL WILL run the show, no matter how pissy and passive aggressive you are.

This mom of a boy thinks my kids nap schedule is my business and everyone else can shut the hell up. In my experience the same people who bitch about people who are "nap nazis" also bitch about kids who act up when they are overtired. You can't win.

Hopefully I will be supportive of my future DIL in ways my mil wasn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet you're a real peach, too.

Sorry. On MIl side on this one. You sound like one of those annoying new Moms who thinks the world revolves around you and your kids nap time and nothing else matters. Sorry, but that's annoying to all rational people. Signed -Mother of two.

All the bitter moms with only boys are in full force on this thread. Sorry, ladies, but your future DIL WILL run the show, no matter how pissy and passive aggressive you are.

This mom of a boy thinks my kids nap schedule is my business and everyone else can shut the hell up. In my experience the same people who bitch about people who are "nap nazis" also bitch about kids who act up when they are overtired. You can't win.

Hopefully I will be supportive of my future DIL in ways my mil wasn't.

Mom of 2 boys here. I used to be a nap Nazi when I had only 1 child. That went out the window when 2nd was born. 2nd was dragged anywhere and everywhere. If we were tied to his nap schedule, we would never get out of the house. DS2 fell asleep in the car, stroller, baby carrier. He was fine.

Our family would visit us in those early years. We had too much gear to travel out of state for holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet you're a real peach, too.

Sorry. On MIl side on this one. You sound like one of those annoying new Moms who thinks the world revolves around you and your kids nap time and nothing else matters. Sorry, but that's annoying to all rational people. Signed -Mother of two.

All the bitter moms with only boys are in full force on this thread. Sorry, ladies, but your future DIL WILL run the show, no matter how pissy and passive aggressive you are.

This mom of a boy thinks my kids nap schedule is my business and everyone else can shut the hell up. In my experience the same people who bitch about people who are "nap nazis" also bitch about kids who act up when they are overtired. You can't win.

Hopefully I will be supportive of my future DIL in ways my mil wasn't.

Mom of 2 boys here. I used to be a nap Nazi when I had only 1 child. That went out the window when 2nd was born. 2nd was dragged anywhere and everywhere. If we were tied to his nap schedule, we would never get out of the house. DS2 fell asleep in the car, stroller, baby carrier. He was fine.

Our family would visit us in those early years. We had too much gear to travel out of state for holidays.

And let me just guess. You describe your overtired, cranky 2nd boy's out-of-control behavior as "spirited"? Yep. Thought so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet you're a real peach, too.

Sorry. On MIl side on this one. You sound like one of those annoying new Moms who thinks the world revolves around you and your kids nap time and nothing else matters. Sorry, but that's annoying to all rational people. Signed -Mother of two.

Sleep is a biological need. Especially after a big and exciting day the day before, when schedules and sleep were already thrown off. Again, sleep is a NEED, dessert is a WANT. See the difference?

--Mother of two who prioritizes what her children need vs. what Grandma and the rest of the world want

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet you're a real peach, too.

Sorry. On MIl side on this one. You sound like one of those annoying new Moms who thinks the world revolves around you and your kids nap time and nothing else matters. Sorry, but that's annoying to all rational people. Signed -Mother of two.

All the bitter moms with only boys are in full force on this thread. Sorry, ladies, but your future DIL WILL run the show, no matter how pissy and passive aggressive you are.

This mom of a boy thinks my kids nap schedule is my business and everyone else can shut the hell up. In my experience the same people who bitch about people who are "nap nazis" also bitch about kids who act up when they are overtired. You can't win.

Hopefully I will be supportive of my future DIL in ways my mil wasn't.

+1

[Anonymous]

My boys who are now in their 20s, remember all the ridiculousness of their grandmother, my mother-in-law. And now they don't want anything to do with her. What a shame. But it's absolutely her fault. We tried really hard to be supportive of her and accepting of her ways and her tone but it didn't escape the boys. This year she sent us a note on a piece of notepaper that said I heard you aren't joining us for Christmas either so I just thought I would send your checks. Nice, huh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet you're a real peach, too.

Sorry. On MIl side on this one. You sound like one of those annoying new Moms who thinks the world revolves around you and your kids nap time and nothing else matters. Sorry, but that's annoying to all rational people. Signed -Mother of two.

All the bitter moms with only boys are in full force on this thread. Sorry, ladies, but your future DIL WILL run the show, no matter how pissy and passive aggressive you are.

This mom of a boy thinks my kids nap schedule is my business and everyone else can shut the hell up. In my experience the same people who bitch about people who are "nap nazis" also bitch about kids who act up when they are overtired. You can't win.

Hopefully I will be supportive of my future DIL in ways my mil wasn't.

+1

The more I read of this thread the more I realize just how reasonable and good dh and I were to our parents! But we actually WANTED to see our parents.

A little spur of the moment, drag my butt out of bed at 7:45 and drive for an hour with a worn out/cranky/over stimulated child would never have flown with me because I would have known that would have been an unpleasant visit. I would have had zero trouble saying "NO!" to that. But dh and I always made it a point to give our families their own time with our kids. The ones that were local we saw frequently throughout the year, the ones that lived a few hours away we stayed overnight on Christmas Eve and then drove back home Christmas morning to see the other side of the family.

Some of the folks here sound really stingy with their time. And I just think you will come to regret that one day.