About to switch to private and about to lose some friends

[Anonymous]

They're not raising your kids. I could care less where my friend's send their children to school, or where they live for the matter. Do what's best for your family.

We're zoned for Waynewood - Whitewood - and never had any intentions of sending our child there, and I've received some classic remarks. We're Catholic and wanted our child to go to a particular Catholic school. It's amazing how little class some people have.

[Anonymous]

We too have received lots of remarks from Waynewood parents who just cannot fathom why we would choose a Catholic school over WW. It is bizarre how my decisions about education for my children is so personal to WW parents! Education is personal and each family does what is best for their children.

Anonymous wrote:They're not raising your kids. I could care less where my friend's send their children to school, or where they live for the matter. Do what's best for your family.

We're zoned for Waynewood - Whitewood - and never had any intentions of sending our child there, and I've received some classic remarks. We're Catholic and wanted our child to go to a particular Catholic school. It's amazing how little class some people have.

[Anonymous]

Everything will be fine, OP. Friends will always be friends, regardless of where your children attend school.

Ignore the naysayers and focus on the positive!

[Anonymous]

We recently moved two children to private. We are in VERY good MCPS cluster. And this move did raise some eyebrows, but for the most part people were very polite with their comments. Most people either never heard of the private, or if they knew the school, said it was a great place. No negative comments at all. "Good luck" and "We'll miss you" we're the dominant phrases. Perhaps we just live in a community of more civil folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We too have received lots of remarks from Waynewood parents who just cannot fathom why we would choose a Catholic school over WW. It is bizarre how my decisions about education for my children is so personal to WW parents! Education is personal and each family does what is best for their children.

Anonymous wrote:They're not raising your kids. I could care less where my friend's send their children to school, or where they live for the matter. Do what's best for your family.

We're zoned for Waynewood - Whitewood - and never had any intentions of sending our child there, and I've received some classic remarks. We're Catholic and wanted our child to go to a particular Catholic school. It's amazing how little class some people have.

I actually had one Waynewood parent say to me at our pool, in front of other WW parents, that she'll get my son there one day! I was shocked and embarrassed for her, to say something so ridiculous. We love our Catholic school, and have many SMS families that live in our area and go to our pool. Stratford Landing, Ft. Hunt and Belleview parents don't act like this, so it's definitely a WW parent thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We recently moved two children to private. We are in VERY good MCPS cluster. And this move did raise some eyebrows, but for the most part people were very polite with their comments. Most people either never heard of the private, or if they knew the school, said it was a great place. No negative comments at all. "Good luck" and "We'll miss you" we're the dominant phrases. Perhaps we just live in a community of more civil folks.

were they glad to see the back of you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have found that the best thing to do is simply say "we really like the school", and repeat as necessary when all the questions keep coming.
How could you pay that much?
" we really like the school"
Do you think it's better education than public?
"We really like the school"
Well I heard there is a big drug and behavior problem there
"We really like the school"

I have made the mistake of trying to answer questions to explain and it makes things worse.

+1 +1 +1 +1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm frustrated and annoyed when our friends choose private. And, as individuals many of them do have well thought out reasons: they want a school that matches their religious/cultural tradition or they have a child with special needs. However, taken collectively all those choices mean that even in our relatively well off city, the schools are majority low-income kids. And they are nice capable kids, but there isn't a block of wealthy and middle class parents pressuring the schools to do better and pressuring our city to spend more money-instead as a middle class parent (by education if not by wealth) I've encountered the "if you don't like it, get out" mentality from school officials.

I wouldn't stop being your friend-I value having a diverse group of friends, and I wouldn't have any friends if I dropped people every time they do something I don't approve of, but, yeah, I'm disappointed.

This is very well reasoned and written and sums up the frustrations I have heard. Here are my questions for you though: are you satisfied with your child's education? What grades are they in? And if you were not, do you have the money to move or go private?

I apologize for those being personal questions, but (cynically) very often I have found that what appears to be a philosophical decision is at its root really an economic one.

In addition, the part I find unconvincing about the argument above is that it assumes that there are enough affluent and politically savvy parents out there who could totally change the schools if only their kids weren't in private. In my neighborhood, I can guess that there aren't nearly enough affluent families around to affect the culture and standards of a school whose kids are majority impoverished, and whose numbers are growing. I try to be positive but this is our reality and our kids only get one childhood.

[Anonymous]

People have no problem trashing private schools, putting you in a position where you feel the need to defend yourself in a way that doesn't insult their choice right back. I'm a public school teacher sending my kids to private, and sometimes it is all I can do to keep myself from telling them their beloved fcps is the very last place on earth I would send my kids. But instead I say, "When my oldest was entering K we thought he needed that extra support in a smaller classroom...once we started we just kept going!"

[Anonymous]

Ultimately, if you choose a private school, especially after attending the local public one, you ARE making a statement that the public school is not good enough for your child. There are many reason why you might make that decision (wanting a religious influence, wanting smaller classes, wanting a different group of peers, wanting different academic opportunities), but that IS what your move to private is saying.

It's not unexpected that someone who has decided the public school IS good enough for their kids would feel a little insulted by your choice. Good friends would not say that and would want things to work out for you whatever that may be. You are making a value judgment too OP and you said your standards are higher than theirs.... what is good enough for them is not good enough for you. If you want to ditch public, than don't be so surprised that supporters of your local public feel *a little* rejected. You ARE rejecting their school and their standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We recently moved two children to private. We are in VERY good MCPS cluster. And this move did raise some eyebrows, but for the most part people were very polite with their comments. Most people either never heard of the private, or if they knew the school, said it was a great place. No negative comments at all. "Good luck" and "We'll miss you" we're the dominant phrases. Perhaps we just live in a community of more civil folks.

My suspicion is that OP is an elitist pain in the ass. OP wrote: "Thing is, it has always been our plan to go private for middle and high school, even before we lived here and even before I met these people." So OP hasn't been hemming and hawing, debating the merits of each program. OP is one of those people who fundamentally believes private schools are better. End sentence.

As another poster noted, any decision to pull your kid from public to private is by necessity a statement that you don't think publics are good enough for your kid and that you have higher standards than your friends staying in public. But at least most people who pull their kids weigh the pros and cons of each vis a vis their kid - like maybe the kid is special needs and the public isn't meeting those needs. Or the kid is really into music, and the public music program has been significantly cut. But it's a different breed when someone knows from the birth of their kid that it's private or bust. That they couldn't even deign to consider public. These folks usually think that privates schools are so superior, and that the kids in them are a superior breed. So if OP has been trotting out the line since her kid was in PK that OP is private all the way, then I'm guessing her loss of friends is more related to the fact that OP is an insufferable elitist, and less about her decision to go public.

[Anonymous]

to the poster who is frustrated...i get that....but as a parent to a child who is leaving a strong public school, I too am frustrated....frustrated by the overcrowding, the curriculum that is geared towards a standardized test, children that are discipline problems, or need additional support that is guided by an IEP, (or a student who may not pass the SOL) getting the lion share of the attention. I am frustrated and disappointed that my child like so many fly under the radar and their needs are not being met and they are not reaching their full potential. I am disappointed that we will be leaving public school, but we are not satisfied with our child's education. Unfortunately the directives are coming from the state, the Superintendent and the School Board. the schools have given up quite a bit of their autonomy. My job is to fight for my child.....the powers at be are not listening or making changes fast enough. The schools / counties want the maximum funding. We are leaving Public school for Private school. I do not think Private school will be perfect; I know there will bumps in the road and I also know that we are lucky that we have an option in private school. Good luck OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently moved two children to private. We are in VERY good MCPS cluster. And this move did raise some eyebrows, but for the most part people were very polite with their comments. Most people either never heard of the private, or if they knew the school, said it was a great place. No negative comments at all. "Good luck" and "We'll miss you" we're the dominant phrases. Perhaps we just live in a community of more civil folks.

My suspicion is that OP is an elitist pain in the ass. OP wrote: "Thing is, it has always been our plan to go private for middle and high school, even before we lived here and even before I met these people." So OP hasn't been hemming and hawing, debating the merits of each program. OP is one of those people who fundamentally believes private schools are better. End sentence.

As another poster noted, any decision to pull your kid from public to private is by necessity a statement that you don't think publics are good enough for your kid and that you have higher standards than your friends staying in public. But at least most people who pull their kids weigh the pros and cons of each vis a vis their kid - like maybe the kid is special needs and the public isn't meeting those needs. Or the kid is really into music, and the public music program has been significantly cut. But it's a different breed when someone knows from the birth of their kid that it's private or bust. That they couldn't even deign to consider public. These folks usually think that privates schools are so superior, and that the kids in them are a superior breed. So if OP has been trotting out the line since her kid was in PK that OP is private all the way, then I'm guessing her loss of friends is more related to the fact that OP is an insufferable elitist, and less about her decision to go public.

PP, you sound like a jerk, as well as a pain in the ass. NP here. No, it's quite possible that OP moved into Alexandria KNOWING the schools' weaknesses -- they are quite well known -- and had decided to go private at the middle school level, given the stunning weakness of the public schools above the elementary level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ultimately, if you choose a private school, especially after attending the local public one, you ARE making a statement that the public school is not good enough for your child. There are many reason why you might make that decision (wanting a religious influence, wanting smaller classes, wanting a different group of peers, wanting different academic opportunities), but that IS what your move to private is saying.

It's not unexpected that someone who has decided the public school IS good enough for their kids would feel a little insulted by your choice. Good friends would not say that and would want things to work out for you whatever that may be. You are making a value judgment too OP and you said your standards are higher than theirs.... what is good enough for them is not good enough for you. If you want to ditch public, than don't be so surprised that supporters of your local public feel *a little* rejected. You ARE rejecting their school and their standards.

Given your likely neighborhood(s), I am guessing that you are rejecting their priorities more than their standards.

Let's assume for the sake of discussion that all parents (rich, poor, in between) want good school standards for their kids. If you were in a really bad neighborhood school, folks would be happy for you being able to get out, plus you could be a role model for their kids. If you were in a good cluster, they would be a bit puzzled but OK with the choice as it doesn't reflect poorly on them (one fewer student at Whitman will not affect their reputation at all). But I am guessing that's not it. It's the small currently-trendy group of neighborhoods in the middle that pose an issue: Alexandria, south Arlington, Capitol Hill, Columbia Heights, Brookland. Those communities now have enough critical parent mass to have good elementary schools, but the involved parents haven't been there long enough to affect anything beyond that.

As you go higher up the school chain, it takes longer and longer to turn a school around: more and more parties take an interest (see Dunbar and Eastern and their alumni, for example). Athletics rears its ugly head. Politicians claim to care. College admissions come into play. The student body is bigger. There is a LOT more inertia; face it, folks, we're talking decades here to turn around a HS, and your kids will be out of school long before then. Plus its a LOT harder to make up for iffy middle or high school educations at home than it is for elementary schools.

Furthermore, if you live in one of those neighborhoods (overrepresented on DCUM BTW), all of you likely COULD afford private school -- you probably all have good educations and white-collar jobs as those are the sorts of folks who tend to believe that with only a few more "involved" parents, they could turn everything urban around. Some have nice cars. Some have nicer houses (at least on the inside). Many have expensive weekend hobbies. People eat out more or pay more for better-quality groceries. An awful lot of families in those neighborhoods have one spouse not working or working part-time from home. Some go to Europe or New York on a regular basis.

And you all paid for location because you wanted to live near/in a city.

At some point, people have to choose where to spend their money. You are now choosing to spend money on school. Some of your friends are not, they are choosing to spend it someplace else. That is not your problem, nor is it theirs.

It is a difference, and they may feel judged. However, that is not your problem either.

Be bigger

[Anonymous]

The best (only?) thing about getting old (51) is that I no longer give a damn what anybody thinks about how I live my life. We have a number of very good, long-time friends and really don't worry about others.