"Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him

[Anonymous]

I actually agree that you would be seriously stupid to throw this away. I also agree that it's not good to live without good, intimate sex. What about, gently, suggesting some kind of open relationship? I think one of the great tragedies in modern life is expecting our partner to be everything. It's very, very rare that along-term couple remains sexually attracted to each other, w/out some sort of outside intervention (sex therapist, consensual non-monogamy). And I don't think it's so unusual to marry someone you're not very sexually attracted to. In fact, I think it's the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The dating market for a 40+ year old woman with two kids is no picnic.

+ 2

Honey, if you let this one go, he will be remarried within a year and you will likely still be single after five years. You are making a mistake. You are willing to blow up your life, security, family over sex??

[Anonymous]

and married people with young kids don't have exploding hearts in general. But I know, KNOW, I love my DH and he is the center of my universe. We haven't had sex in a long time because life is complicated now but I love him completely. I never want to be without him. OP doesn't feel any of that it seems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually agree that you would be seriously stupid to throw this away. I also agree that it's not good to live without good, intimate sex. What about, gently, suggesting some kind of open relationship? I think one of the great tragedies in modern life is expecting our partner to be everything. It's very, very rare that along-term couple remains sexually attracted to each other, w/out some sort of outside intervention (sex therapist, consensual non-monogamy). And I don't think it's so unusual to marry someone you're not very sexually attracted to. In fact, I think it's the norm.

Bad idea, OP. Open marriages never work. What will happen is that he will become bitter and resentful and then angry enough to kill his love for you and fall in love with his fuck buddy and leave you. I have seen it happen in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is ridiculous. Get divorced and find someone you love. Don't take your mom's advice twice - she was wrong the first time. You never should have married him.

Ditto

[Anonymous]

Anonymous



This is ridiculous. Get divorced and find someone you love. Don't take your mom's advice twice - she was wrong the first time. You never should have married him.

She took her vows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need therapy.

I have tried therapy in the past for a different issue and it never worked. I wanted actual advice but all I got was "what makes you think that?" "Why do you feel that way?" Etc. etc. which made me want to scream out of frustration.

That was just the wrong therapist for you and wrong therapy style for you. Try again.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe a 39 year old woman could possibly be so shallow and stupid.

No one "convinced" you to marry him, OP, you made that decision at 33 freaking years old. You apparently aren't attracted to someone who you make sound very attractive, but you stayed for six years, built a life together, had children, and you want to blow it all up for an ideal that quite frankly, you aren't going to find if you get divorced. You're just going to blow up everyone's lives.

You know what, I think some people are just determined to defeat themselves. They don't have any real problems and they need to manufacture some.

[Anonymous]

Make an account on a dating site and spend an hour or two looking at the possibilities. Honestly, you will realize how amazing your husband is in comparison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The dating market for a 40+ year old woman with two kids is no picnic.

This. Op, if you end up alone, will you be happier than you are now? If so, then seriously consider leaving him. If you'll only be happy if you find someone who makes your heart flutter, then seriously reconsider. Some people find it, but it's often a pipe dream, or a failure, or the guy ends up a jerk who never helps around the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe a 39 year old woman could possibly be so shallow and stupid.

No one "convinced" you to marry him, OP, you made that decision at 33 freaking years old. You apparently aren't attracted to someone who you make sound very attractive, but you stayed for six years, built a life together, had children, and you want to blow it all up for an ideal that quite frankly, you aren't going to find if you get divorced. You're just going to blow up everyone's lives.

You know what, I think some people are just determined to defeat themselves. They don't have any real problems and they need to manufacture some.

+1 OP, you are looking for passion and feel cheated because you never felt that for your DH. But you have made your bed. For the people who say life is short, get a divorce, you can't possibly think that is the best thing for the kids. Unless there is abuse, divorce can really harm children.

Would you be happier if you had a DH that you felt chemistry with but did squat at home? It's hard to find someone that has the whole package, if one even exists. Have you been reading too many romance novels?

[Anonymous]

If I were in your shoes OP, I'd stay until the kids were grown. After that, I would just explain we have no chemistry and it's best to go our separate ways.

My aunt and uncle are somewhat similar except for them it's strictly a business contract. They have zero chemistry, don't love each other but the benefits they've gained outweigh all of that. Thank goodness they don't have kids.

[Anonymous]

No, I don't want to end up alone. The purpose of divorcing him would be to find someone better suited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were in your shoes OP, I'd stay until the kids were grown. After that, I would just explain we have no chemistry and it's best to go our separate ways.

My aunt and uncle are somewhat similar except for them it's strictly a business contract. They have zero chemistry, don't love each other but the benefits they've gained outweigh all of that. Thank goodness they don't have kids.

We can't stay together and not have sex. It will break his heart if/when he finds out about this. Living together after that would be appalling. There is no way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were in your shoes OP, I'd stay until the kids were grown. After that, I would just explain we have no chemistry and it's best to go our separate ways.

My aunt and uncle are somewhat similar except for them it's strictly a business contract. They have zero chemistry, don't love each other but the benefits they've gained outweigh all of that. Thank goodness they don't have kids.

We can't stay together and not have sex. It will break his heart if/when he finds out about this. Living together after that would be appalling. There is no way.

You said you have no chemistry. But seems to me, if you are not able to make yourself even have sex with him, then you are physically repulsed by him (even though by your own admission he is an attractive guy since women check him out). Why? I think you do have some issues. You need a different therapist to help you figure what the heck is going on.