"Perfect on paper husband," just not in love with him

[Anonymous]

I knew OP wouldn't leave a "perfect on paper" husband. Selfish.

[Anonymous]

I did not have a super strong chemistry with my DH. However, I loved everything else about him.

DH decided to study and learn about good sex (DH and I were each other's first and only sexual partners) after our first kid was born and my libido tanked, and frankly, the work he did in my sexual fulfillment actually changed my marriage. The chemistry came into place once sex became very pleasurable.

I think you should try and spice the marriage. Maybe you need some wine and some toys. It is easy to work towards a good sex life and chemistry in a marriage, but it is hard to find a good man.

The truth is that your best chance of happiness is your DH. You need to open up and take charge to find sexual fulfillment with him. There can be no chemistry if sex is lousy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, I am the OP of this thread!!! I had such an experience of deja vu when I saw the title and opened it. I was like, wait a minute, did I write this or is someone else going through the same exact thing?! LOL

If you are curious, I am still with my husband and things got a lot better during the Pandemic, strangely enough. I wouldn't say I am "madly in love" with him but I do love and care about him as a "best friend" type and the sex is much better than it was.

I actually think it's because he got really busy during the early stages of the pandemic. I was worried about him working in the healthcare field and because of all that was going on, he was able to give me a LOT of space, which I needed to start missing him a little and seeing him in a different light. He also just backed off a lot with the emotional temperature taking and pressure.

So we'll see. Still hanging in there.

Here we have it, folks. The classic, "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen."

Pickup artists do this because it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, I am the OP of this thread!!! I had such an experience of deja vu when I saw the title and opened it. I was like, wait a minute, did I write this or is someone else going through the same exact thing?! LOL

If you are curious, I am still with my husband and things got a lot better during the Pandemic, strangely enough. I wouldn't say I am "madly in love" with him but I do love and care about him as a "best friend" type and the sex is much better than it was.

I actually think it's because he got really busy during the early stages of the pandemic. I was worried about him working in the healthcare field and because of all that was going on, he was able to give me a LOT of space, which I needed to start missing him a little and seeing him in a different light. He also just backed off a lot with the emotional temperature taking and pressure.

So we'll see. Still hanging in there.

Wow, thank you for the update!

I get the needing space thing, for what it’s worth. I’m like that too.

[Anonymous]

Did you have any more kids, OP? Glad it has been working out for you, and appreciate that you came back to the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read my own post. You know what the problem is? I don't feel chemistry with him. I never have. We don't click in that way. People need that in their lives, don't they? It's not a minor issue?

No, no they don't need it at all. What they need is a good, open heart. You have kids, don't explode their lives so you can pursue something wgich sustains 20 year olds through the first 6 months if a relationship. Seriously! Find a therapist who works for you!!!

You married him. He is a good husband. You have kids together. Because you don’t feel “chemistry” with him is no reason to divorce him. Having chemistry is great and all, but it’s not important for the functioning of the family.