Manners 101 - what is important to you?

[Anonymous]

Good Manners that matter to me would be:

~ Making sure to return a phone call as soon as you can. Do not substitute a text or email message unless the person says it is okay to do so.

~ Bringing your phone to the dinner table at a social gathering. Then having it sit by your plate and you checking the screen every second or so. Rude and hugely distracting.

~ When checking out at a store (Walmart, etc.), if the line is very long in back of you, try to speed the process by putting your stuff in your cart and paying promptly. It is so annoying when people take so long to pay, or they decide to have a lengthy conversation with the cashier.

~ Speaking of check out lines, if you have a huge order and the person in back of you has one or two items, let them go ahead of you. It just makes sense.

~ Not honking your car horn unnecessarily. If you tap it to notify the car in front that the light has just turned green, that is one thing. But honking at someone just because you are pissed off and having a terrible day is just wrong.

~ Keeping your cell phone OFF during a movie. Not checking it even once because even if the screen lights up for a fraction of a second, it hugely annoys other patrons and distracts them. Imagine if each patron did this once during a movie screening.

[Anonymous]

14:40 here and FWIW, here are some manners that I think are really important (or at least a little more important then how a stranger eats their soup):

!) Put down your cell phone for a minute.
2) Don't give a gift in order to receive a thank you. Give a gift because you want to make someone happy.
3) Thank someone ( in any way possible) for a gift.
4) Don't judge someone on how they look unless it's a safety issue.
5)Know your audience.
6) It's a turn signal, not a Xmas light. Let the poor fucker in.
7) Hold the door open.


I have more but you probably better things to do. Have a great day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actively judging people based on their appearance is the height of bad manners OP. Good manners can be listed by rote in a book and that can be helpful. But true class and good manners revolve around the golden rule. How does someone's level of dress if not required by the actual social function affect you? It doesn't. Manners are about how we treat each other. That goes for you as well.

If you read, which you did but obviously wanted to pick a fight, the OP said it didn't matter how a person dressed, just that they took some pride in it. As in combed hair, clean clothes not wearing pajamas to the store, etc... and before you bring the homeless or mentally ill into the equation, I think you know what she meant.

Manners are about how we treat each other and you made a huge leap in judgement and embellished what the OP said, what does that say about you?

I made no embellishment but simply responded to OP's post. I did not approach OP in a grocery store and start spouting my opinion. On the contrary, OP started an anonymous online discussion and I responded with my opinion. I'm not trying to pick a fight but pass on some good advice to OP. Start from within, not from without.

From the OPs post, since it wasn't clear to you " I also wish people dressed up more and took more pride in their appearance. I don't care if you are a prep or a psychobilly, you can wear clean clothing and comb your hair. Put on an actual pair of pants to go to the grocery store, things like that"

I guess i'm just curious as to what OP's qualifications are in terms of deciding how other people should dress. If he/she should be the final decider, shouldn't he/she be vetted in some small way? Do you see what I'm getting at here? When you are late for an appointment with someone else due to sheer negligence (and even that would be defined different ways by different people), you are affecting someone else directly. A person's dress does not affect you directly.

Wow, you do just want to pick a fight. What bee was placed in your bonnet? Nowhere in the OP did the OP state she was "qualified" to decide how people dress, she even included all types of dress in it, just mentioned making an effort to not be slovenly.

You should have a glass of wine and relax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess i'm just curious as to what OP's qualifications are in terms of deciding how other people should dress. If he/she should be the final decider, shouldn't he/she be vetted in some small way? Do you see what I'm getting at here? When you are late for an appointment with someone else due to sheer negligence (and even that would be defined different ways by different people), you are affecting someone else directly. A person's dress does not affect you directly.

Oh lord. Show me where OP said she was the final decider? Show me where OP said a specific person's dress or an extenuating circumstance? I agree with OP, comb your hair and wear clean clothes, its not that big of deal, don't be a slob. I doubt she is walking up to people dressed in dirty sweats and flip flops in Target and punching them in the mouth. You are just projecting some kind or ridiculousness because something about the OP or within the post struck a nerve.

You can have the last word, because I'm not going to derail what should be a fun discussion any further with your nonsense about nothing that wasn't even a part of the original post.

The most ironic thing about your post is the original subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good Manners that matter to me would be:

~ Making sure to return a phone call as soon as you can. Do not substitute a text or email message unless the person says it is okay to do so.

~ Bringing your phone to the dinner table at a social gathering. Then having it sit by your plate and you checking the screen every second or so. Rude and hugely distracting.

~ When checking out at a store (Walmart, etc.), if the line is very long in back of you, try to speed the process by putting your stuff in your cart and paying promptly. It is so annoying when people take so long to pay, or they decide to have a lengthy conversation with the cashier.

~ Speaking of check out lines, if you have a huge order and the person in back of you has one or two items, let them go ahead of you. It just makes sense.

~ Not honking your car horn unnecessarily. If you tap it to notify the car in front that the light has just turned green, that is one thing. But honking at someone just because you are pissed off and having a terrible day is just wrong.

~ Keeping your cell phone OFF during a movie. Not checking it even once because even if the screen lights up for a fraction of a second, it hugely annoys other patrons and distracts them. Imagine if each patron did this once during a movie screening.

This. ESPECIALLY the bolded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:14:40 here and FWIW, here are some manners that I think are really important (or at least a little more important then how a stranger eats their soup):

!) Put down your cell phone for a minute.
2) Don't give a gift in order to receive a thank you. Give a gift because you want to make someone happy.
3) Thank someone ( in any way possible) for a gift.
4) Don't judge someone on how they look unless it's a safety issue.
5)Know your audience.
6) It's a turn signal, not a Xmas light. Let the poor fucker in.
7) Hold the door open.


I have more but you probably better things to do. Have a great day!

NP: you sound exhausting and "fun at parties"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:14:40 here and FWIW, here are some manners that I think are really important (or at least a little more important then how a stranger eats their soup):

!) Put down your cell phone for a minute.
2) Don't give a gift in order to receive a thank you. Give a gift because you want to make someone happy.
3) Thank someone ( in any way possible) for a gift.
4) Don't judge someone on how they look unless it's a safety issue.
5)Know your audience.
6) It's a turn signal, not a Xmas light. Let the poor fucker in.
7) Hold the door open.


I have more but you probably better things to do. Have a great day!

NP: you sound exhausting and "fun at parties"

OP: you sound like a judgmental humble braggart . All manners aside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:14:40 here and FWIW, here are some manners that I think are really important (or at least a little more important then how a stranger eats their soup):

!) Put down your cell phone for a minute.
2) Don't give a gift in order to receive a thank you. Give a gift because you want to make someone happy.
3) Thank someone ( in any way possible) for a gift.
4) Don't judge someone on how they look unless it's a safety issue.
5)Know your audience.
6) It's a turn signal, not a Xmas light. Let the poor fucker in.
7) Hold the door open.


I have more but you probably better things to do. Have a great day!

NP: you sound exhausting and "fun at parties"

OP: you sound like a judgmental humble braggart . All manners aside.

If you are referring to me the PP, I am not the OP. However I think we know what bug got up your butt, you think the OP sounds like "a judgmental humble braggart" and because of that you had to insert your opinion, which had nothing to do with anything in the OP and start a fight.

Good job.

[ciaojenny]

OP here, I should have known better than to try to make a fun post.

Thank you to those that answered in the spirit of it all. FWIW I did indeed mean taking pride in ones appearance, just as stated in my OP and not any of what Miss Grouchypants accused me of.

I will add that I would love if actual mailed thank you letter came back. I still use them and the people receiving them must think I am rude because I don't send an immediate email

[Anonymous]

ciaojenny wrote:OP here, I should have known better than to try to make a fun post.

Thank you to those that answered in the spirit of it all. FWIW I did indeed mean taking pride in ones appearance, just as stated in my OP and not any of what Miss Grouchypants accused me of.

I will add that I would love if actual mailed thank you letter came back. I still use them and the people receiving them must think I am rude because I don't send an immediate email

The arbiter of good manners just called me "grouchy pants". And the irony continues. Thanks for the laugh, girls.

[Anonymous]

It pisses me off when people are very late on regular basis, when the don't say thank you after receiving a gift, when they don't return calls or RSVP.

[ciaojenny]

Anonymous wrote:

ciaojenny wrote:OP here, I should have known better than to try to make a fun post.

Thank you to those that answered in the spirit of it all. FWIW I did indeed mean taking pride in ones appearance, just as stated in my OP and not any of what Miss Grouchypants accused me of.

I will add that I would love if actual mailed thank you letter came back. I still use them and the people receiving them must think I am rude because I don't send an immediate email

The arbiter of good manners just called me "grouchy pants". And the irony continues. Thanks for the laugh, girls.

Hi Miss GP, did you appoint me as the arbiter of good manners? Because I certainly didn't appoint myself.

I think I will take the PPs advice and give you the last word. What is that saying? "Don't feed the trolls."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

ciaojenny wrote:I find people who are habitually late extremely rude and self centered.

I think it depends on the reason - I have really horrible time awareness (I have ADHD) and struggle to transition from on thing to another, which often makes me late. For someone who thinks, "oh, it's no big deal if I'm 15 minutes late" and plans accordingly, that is rude. I am often a couple minutes late but it's because I have a harder time knowing how long something will take. I try to plan in cushions for myself (work backwards, if I think it will take me 15 minutes to get ready I start getting ready 30 mins before) but it still doesn't always work. Especially with 2 little ones.

No. It actually doesn't depend on the reason. you are aware of it. Plan accordingly.

[Anonymous]

I hate it when people try to make part of event a and part of event b. }%^*%{ pick one. RSVP like a grown up and stick to the plan.

[Anonymous]

ciaojenny wrote:What specific manners or points of etiquette are important to you? Anything you wish more people would remember or any "old school" manners you would like to make a comeback?

I started thinking about this when speaking to a friend about how gentlemanly my husband is and how I was taken aback by this when we first met. It comes very natural to him and I hope it will to our boys. I also want our girls to see this as a reflection of a man's character and not of hers - whether she is attracted to gentleman qualities or not. He is also white collar and business etiquette is very important to him, I admire that about him.

As for manners that are important to me, I find people who are habitually late extremely rude and self centered. I also wish people dressed up more and took more pride in their appearance. I don't care if you are a prep or a psychobilly, you can wear clean clothing and comb your hair. Put on an actual pair of pants to go to the grocery store, things like that. Also prompt correspondence, people are so easily accessible today yet are not, you know? Table manners are a pet peeve of mine too, slurping and slouching. Wearing a hat at the table or leaving a huge mess when at a restaurant. Whenever I host a party or guests in our home, I always try to adhere to proper etiquette because I think it enhances my guests experience without them even noticing. I could go on, but I am interested in hearing what others think. Its also funny to me, sometimes some of the wealthiest and most "society" people I know day to day are actually ruder than others who are not considered a part of that "circle".

Haha, I am sure I sound very uptight, I am not. I don't want 1940s Emily Post here, I just think we've lost a great deal of simple etiquette that would go a long way in our society. Also I am sure I do something that is considered poor manners to someone else, this is a very subjective subject.

I'm thrilled to see your thread OP, because you are basically me, and I always hide this side of myself because people are so judgmental about us and think we are "uptight". But we're not! We are interested in etiquette because we LIKE people, and we like the company of other people, and etiquette exists to make life easier, better and more pleasant and enjoyable for everyone. It's only a tool of social exclusion when it lets you decide who will bring more of that pleasantness to your life and who will not.

Here are some of the things that I like to see:
- Yes, please dress with pride. That doesn't mean you need to spend money! The other day on the subway, I was covertly admiring a young woman out of the corner of my eye. She had nothing expensive on, but she had soft wavy hair that she neatly pinned back from her face, she wore red lipstick that looked great against her pale skin, and she was dressed in an adorable vintage-y fit-and-flare white lace dress with a high neck and generally looked very retro. She may well have bought her outfit at a thrift store but she looked charming and put-together.

- Yes! Don't be late! I'm a stickler for punctuality and take lateness as a sign of disrespect.

- Don't reach across the table for a dish, ask someone to pass it to you (you'd be surprised how many adults I've seen lunge across the table for a dish!)

- I like hand-written thank you notes because they're so personal, thoughtful and have a gravitas about then that a thank-you text doesn't.

- If your parents introduce you to someone, give them a big, friendly smile and ask them how they are. So many teens have this surly attitude, or a snotty look on their face, like "who are you and why is Mom making me waste my time saying hi to you?" I wonder how such well-mannered adults turn out such rude children sometimes. I can't be the only one who notices this?