Manners 101 - what is important to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess i'm just curious as to what OP's qualifications are in terms of deciding how other people should dress. If he/she should be the final decider, shouldn't he/she be vetted in some small way? Do you see what I'm getting at here? When you are late for an appointment with someone else due to sheer negligence (and even that would be defined different ways by different people), you are affecting someone else directly. A person's dress does not affect you directly.

Oh lord. Show me where OP said she was the final decider? Show me where OP said a specific person's dress or an extenuating circumstance? I agree with OP, comb your hair and wear clean clothes, its not that big of deal, don't be a slob. I doubt she is walking up to people dressed in dirty sweats and flip flops in Target and punching them in the mouth. You are just projecting some kind or ridiculousness because something about the OP or within the post struck a nerve.

You can have the last word, because I'm not going to derail what should be a fun discussion any further with your nonsense about nothing that wasn't even a part of the original post.

Thank you!!

Some people on the Internet, including DCUM, have incredibly sensitive, fragile egos and are buried under their insecurities. Normally there's no winning an argument with them but you've done a good job anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'm thrilled to see your thread OP, because you are basically me, and I always hide this side of myself because people are so judgmental about us and think we are "uptight". But we're not! We are interested in etiquette because we LIKE people, and we like the company of other people, and etiquette exists to make life easier, better and more pleasant and enjoyable for everyone. It's only a tool of social exclusion when it lets you decide who will bring more of that pleasantness to your life and who will not.

Here are some of the things that I like to see:
- Yes, please dress with pride. That doesn't mean you need to spend money! The other day on the subway, I was covertly admiring a young woman out of the corner of my eye. She had nothing expensive on, but she had soft wavy hair that she neatly pinned back from her face, she wore red lipstick that looked great against her pale skin, and she was dressed in an adorable vintage-y fit-and-flare white lace dress with a high neck and generally looked very retro. She may well have bought her outfit at a thrift store but she looked charming and put-together.

- Yes! Don't be late! I'm a stickler for punctuality and take lateness as a sign of disrespect.

- Don't reach across the table for a dish, ask someone to pass it to you (you'd be surprised how many adults I've seen lunge across the table for a dish!)

- I like hand-written thank you notes because they're so personal, thoughtful and have a gravitas about then that a thank-you text doesn't.

- If your parents introduce you to someone, give them a big, friendly smile and ask them how they are. So many teens have this surly attitude, or a snotty look on their face, like "who are you and why is Mom making me waste my time saying hi to you?" I wonder how such well-mannered adults turn out such rude children sometimes. I can't be the only one who notices this?

+1

[Anonymous]

Never fart in front of anyone else including spouse.

We have been married 18 years,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never fart in front of anyone else including spouse.

We have been married 18 years,

/signed

married almost 20

[Anonymous]

1) Treating other people the way I would like to be treated. 2) Don't judge other people - you don't know their life. (see #1)
3) Be kind and compassionate. (see #1)
4) Be on time. (see #1)

I could go on... but really it goes back to the golden rule for me.

[Anonymous]

Cover your mouth when you yawn, please.

[Anonymous]

Make sure your spray tan isn't going to rub off on my furniture.

Please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

ciaojenny wrote:I find people who are habitually late extremely rude and self centered.

I think it depends on the reason - I have really horrible time awareness (I have ADHD) and struggle to transition from on thing to another, which often makes me late. For someone who thinks, "oh, it's no big deal if I'm 15 minutes late" and plans accordingly, that is rude. I am often a couple minutes late but it's because I have a harder time knowing how long something will take. I try to plan in cushions for myself (work backwards, if I think it will take me 15 minutes to get ready I start getting ready 30 mins before) but it still doesn't always work. Especially with 2 little ones.

No. It actually doesn't depend on the reason. you are aware of it. Plan accordingly.

My wish for you is that you never loose your typical sense of time. Unless you are someone who has a brain difference that impacts how you perceive time you could gain from realizing people are different. I understand and do plan accordingly, but most people can accurately judge he passing of 5 minutes and that is a challenge for me and others with ADHD.

http://www.pediastaff.com/blog/worth-repeating-tips-to-help-develop-time-awareness-for-individuals-with-adhd-13421

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

ciaojenny wrote:I find people who are habitually late extremely rude and self centered.

I think it depends on the reason - I have really horrible time awareness (I have ADHD) and struggle to transition from on thing to another, which often makes me late. For someone who thinks, "oh, it's no big deal if I'm 15 minutes late" and plans accordingly, that is rude. I am often a couple minutes late but it's because I have a harder time knowing how long something will take. I try to plan in cushions for myself (work backwards, if I think it will take me 15 minutes to get ready I start getting ready 30 mins before) but it still doesn't always work. Especially with 2 little ones.

No. It actually doesn't depend on the reason. you are aware of it. Plan accordingly.

My wish for you is that you never loose your typical sense of time. Unless you are someone who has a brain difference that impacts how you perceive time you could gain from realizing people are different. I understand and do plan accordingly, but most people can accurately judge he passing of 5 minutes and that is a challenge for me and others with ADHD.

http://www.pediastaff.com/blog/worth-repeating-tips-to-help-develop-time-awareness-for-individuals-with-adhd-13421

Oh christ on crutches, now we have to worry about offending someone who perceives time differently? What do we have time privilege?

You do realize unless someone is pointing out one particular snowflake they are usually just talking about snow in general, right? Or is there some syndrome that keeps people from understanding that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

ciaojenny wrote:I find people who are habitually late extremely rude and self centered.

I think it depends on the reason - I have really horrible time awareness (I have ADHD) and struggle to transition from on thing to another, which often makes me late. For someone who thinks, "oh, it's no big deal if I'm 15 minutes late" and plans accordingly, that is rude. I am often a couple minutes late but it's because I have a harder time knowing how long something will take. I try to plan in cushions for myself (work backwards, if I think it will take me 15 minutes to get ready I start getting ready 30 mins before) but it still doesn't always work. Especially with 2 little ones.

I think habitually late means something different than a couple of minutes. However if this is something that is habitual for you, it is good you are aware and working on it, because it is inconvenient to others.

I guess I consider myself habitually late because I am always rushing to get places on time. I am rarely more than 2-5 minutes late, and usually plan to arrive places early so that "being late" is actually arriving on time. I also take great pains to not inconvenient others with my lateness. There's a difference between getting to work late (and someone having to cover responsibilities for you) and getting to a play date 5 minutes late. I do my best to avoid being late to either, but it's a challenge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

ciaojenny wrote:I find people who are habitually late extremely rude and self centered.

I think it depends on the reason - I have really horrible time awareness (I have ADHD) and struggle to transition from on thing to another, which often makes me late. For someone who thinks, "oh, it's no big deal if I'm 15 minutes late" and plans accordingly, that is rude. I am often a couple minutes late but it's because I have a harder time knowing how long something will take. I try to plan in cushions for myself (work backwards, if I think it will take me 15 minutes to get ready I start getting ready 30 mins before) but it still doesn't always work. Especially with 2 little ones.

No. It actually doesn't depend on the reason. you are aware of it. Plan accordingly.

My wish for you is that you never loose your typical sense of time. Unless you are someone who has a brain difference that impacts how you perceive time you could gain from realizing people are different. I understand and do plan accordingly, but most people can accurately judge he passing of 5 minutes and that is a challenge for me and others with ADHD.

http://www.pediastaff.com/blog/worth-repeating-tips-to-help-develop-time-awareness-for-individuals-with-adhd-13421

Oh christ on crutches, now we have to worry about offending someone who perceives time differently? What do we have time privilege?

You do realize unless someone is pointing out one particular snowflake they are usually just talking about snow in general, right? Or is there some syndrome that keeps people from understanding that?

I'm offended? I'm not offended. I'm just pointing out something that people may not be aware of.

[Anonymous]

ciaojenny wrote:OP here, I should have known better than to try to make a fun post.

Thank you to those that answered in the spirit of it all. FWIW I did indeed mean taking pride in ones appearance, just as stated in my OP and not any of what Miss Grouchypants accused me of.

I will add that I would love if actual mailed thank you letter came back. I still use them and the people receiving them must think I am rude because I don't send an immediate email

OP, in my book, you have exhibited really poor manners with your posts. And you don't realize it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

ciaojenny wrote:I find people who are habitually late extremely rude and self centered.

I think it depends on the reason - I have really horrible time awareness (I have ADHD) and struggle to transition from on thing to another, which often makes me late. For someone who thinks, "oh, it's no big deal if I'm 15 minutes late" and plans accordingly, that is rude. I am often a couple minutes late but it's because I have a harder time knowing how long something will take. I try to plan in cushions for myself (work backwards, if I think it will take me 15 minutes to get ready I start getting ready 30 mins before) but it still doesn't always work. Especially with 2 little ones.

No. It actually doesn't depend on the reason. you are aware of it. Plan accordingly.

My wish for you is that you never loose your typical sense of time. Unless you are someone who has a brain difference that impacts how you perceive time you could gain from realizing people are different. I understand and do plan accordingly, but most people can accurately judge he passing of 5 minutes and that is a challenge for me and others with ADHD.

http://www.pediastaff.com/blog/worth-repeating-tips-to-help-develop-time-awareness-for-individuals-with-adhd-13421

Oh christ on crutches, now we have to worry about offending someone who perceives time differently? What do we have time privilege?

You do realize unless someone is pointing out one particular snowflake they are usually just talking about snow in general, right? Or is there some syndrome that keeps people from understanding that?

I'm offended? I'm not offended. I'm just pointing out something that people may not be aware of.

Did I point out that you my darling snowflake were offended? Nope, I was talking about the snow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) Treating other people the way I would like to be treated. 2) Don't judge other people - you don't know their life. (see #1)
3) Be kind and compassionate. (see #1)
4) Be on time. (see #1)

I could go on... but really it goes back to the golden rule for me.

There is the golden rule, and the platinum rule. It is hard, but I really try to treat people the way THEY want to be treated. Not the way I want to be treated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

ciaojenny wrote:I find people who are habitually late extremely rude and self centered.

I think it depends on the reason - I have really horrible time awareness (I have ADHD) and struggle to transition from on thing to another, which often makes me late. For someone who thinks, "oh, it's no big deal if I'm 15 minutes late" and plans accordingly, that is rude. I am often a couple minutes late but it's because I have a harder time knowing how long something will take. I try to plan in cushions for myself (work backwards, if I think it will take me 15 minutes to get ready I start getting ready 30 mins before) but it still doesn't always work. Especially with 2 little ones.

No. It actually doesn't depend on the reason. you are aware of it. Plan accordingly.

My wish for you is that you never loose your typical sense of time. Unless you are someone who has a brain difference that impacts how you perceive time you could gain from realizing people are different. I understand and do plan accordingly, but most people can accurately judge he passing of 5 minutes and that is a challenge for me and others with ADHD.

http://www.pediastaff.com/blog/worth-repeating-tips-to-help-develop-time-awareness-for-individuals-with-adhd-13421

Oh christ on crutches, now we have to worry about offending someone who perceives time differently? What do we have time privilege?

You do realize unless someone is pointing out one particular snowflake they are usually just talking about snow in general, right? Or is there some syndrome that keeps people from understanding that?

I'm offended? I'm not offended. I'm just pointing out something that people may not be aware of.

Did I point out that you my darling snowflake were offended? Nope, I was talking about the snow.

I am so glad I am your darling snowflake. That makes me happy. I will enjoy my weekend now. Speaking of manner and being rude ...