If your ex husband remarried and had a second set of kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That didn't happen in my case. They did experience a drop in standard of living due to our divorce, because it's expensive to run two households. But my ex, for all his faults, has never had a problem paying his fair share of kid stuff. His new wife earns well herself and only wanted one child, so as his earning power has grown over time, things haven't been too bad even though there is another mouth to feed.

I do think it can happen, though. Either the dad is just a deadbeat, or some people just get in over their heads financially without meaning to, and then something has to give. Not trying to excuse this behavior, but I can see how it would happen.

This. My husband overpaid in child support for many years. He knew he could take it to court and get it reduced (he continued the allimony amount and child support years after it was over). She got greedy, took it to court and two of the older kids and the alimony was removed. She was pissed to say the least. She tried to come after my income since I paid for some plane tickets and other stuff (he didn't have the money). She was refusing visitation and got more (though she never allowed it). He paid every "extra" demanded but did cut the youngest off after he graduated high school due to no relationship and how he treated him (he also cut off the older two). My husband was done with child support when we had ours and comfortably could afford ours. He would have helped with college as his income went up and I was willing to help as my parents paid mine but they treated him so poorly he decided enough was enough. It was her choice to divorce, not his. (his ex has always been ok with us having children or at least never has given him a hard time and has been decent the past few years but now she wants help as only one kid treats her well and she isn't sure what to do - as if he can fix what she created).

No reason why a parent on either side cannot remarry and have more kids. If parents were together, resources would be split they had more kids so I see it no differently. For us, the only difference is if parents were still together my husband would not have gotten his education or earned what he is earning as she never supported education or his career.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it does happen more so for men. Although I have seen it often with mothers too. I think it is very sad and that is why if I even plan to divorce my husband (if he cheated or something along those lines) I would first steer him into a vasectomy. I know it is not guarantee but at least makes things harder.

I would also insist in some financial provisions for our children, such as child support until they are 24 if college students or graduate, whatever comes first. I know this is not common in this country but that is how it is done in my country of origin. Otherwise I would risk he just deciding "not to help" after they turn 18 and I would have less money to support them through college PLUS the college costs itself. Like what is going to happen to my niece soon enough.

Yeah, I know I will get flamed for this but whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why my husband got a vasectomy. I could have done a tubal ligation or whatever as I have NO desire to be pregnant ever again (age plus enough children!). But there was no way I was going to let him preserve his fertility for a potential second batch of kids.

Don't think that will not prevent him from having more kids. Easy enough to work around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it does happen more so for men. Although I have seen it often with mothers too. I think it is very sad and that is why if I even plan to divorce my husband (if he cheated or something along those lines) I would first steer him into a vasectomy. I know it is not guarantee but at least makes things harder.

I would also insist in some financial provisions for our children, such as child support until they are 24 if college students or graduate, whatever comes first. I know this is not common in this country but that is how it is done in my country of origin. Otherwise I would risk he just deciding "not to help" after they turn 18 and I would have less money to support them through college PLUS the college costs itself. Like what is going to happen to my niece soon enough.

Yeah, I know I will get flamed for this but whatever.

After 18, parents choice. My husband choose not to support his kids after 18/high school as they treated him like crap. No way he was paying college and living expenses for an adult who treated him the way they did. If they want to go to college bad enough, have a relationship with dad or figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it does happen more so for men. Although I have seen it often with mothers too. I think it is very sad and that is why if I even plan to divorce my husband (if he cheated or something along those lines) I would first steer him into a vasectomy. I know it is not guarantee but at least makes things harder.

I would also insist in some financial provisions for our children, such as child support until they are 24 if college students or graduate, whatever comes first. I know this is not common in this country but that is how it is done in my country of origin. Otherwise I would risk he just deciding "not to help" after they turn 18 and I would have less money to support them through college PLUS the college costs itself. Like what is going to happen to my niece soon enough.

Yeah, I know I will get flamed for this but whatever.

After 18, parents choice. My husband choose not to support his kids after 18/high school as they treated him like crap. No way he was paying college and living expenses for an adult who treated him the way they did. If they want to go to college bad enough, have a relationship with dad or figure it out.

It ceases to be a "choice" if it is in the terms of the divorce agreement. THAT is the time to get those things work out and, honestly, the best time to get a man to sign this sort of agreement. It certainly is NOT after he remarried and build another family for himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it does happen more so for men. Although I have seen it often with mothers too. I think it is very sad and that is why if I even plan to divorce my husband (if he cheated or something along those lines) I would first steer him into a vasectomy. I know it is not guarantee but at least makes things harder.

I would also insist in some financial provisions for our children, such as child support until they are 24 if college students or graduate, whatever comes first. I know this is not common in this country but that is how it is done in my country of origin. Otherwise I would risk he just deciding "not to help" after they turn 18 and I would have less money to support them through college PLUS the college costs itself. Like what is going to happen to my niece soon enough.

Yeah, I know I will get flamed for this but whatever.

After 18, parents choice. My husband choose not to support his kids after 18/high school as they treated him like crap. No way he was paying college and living expenses for an adult who treated him the way they did. If they want to go to college bad enough, have a relationship with dad or figure it out.

It ceases to be a "choice" if it is in the terms of the divorce agreement. THAT is the time to get those things work out and, honestly, the best time to get a man to sign this sort of agreement. It certainly is NOT after he remarried and build another family for himself.

Only a few states require it. My husband's agreement was 18, he actually overpaid a few months to be on the safe side. It had nothing to do with remarriage but the kids behavior toward them. If they want a parent to pay, they need to treat that person like a parent and not a human atm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it does happen more so for men. Although I have seen it often with mothers too. I think it is very sad and that is why if I even plan to divorce my husband (if he cheated or something along those lines) I would first steer him into a vasectomy. I know it is not guarantee but at least makes things harder.

I would also insist in some financial provisions for our children, such as child support until they are 24 if college students or graduate, whatever comes first. I know this is not common in this country but that is how it is done in my country of origin. Otherwise I would risk he just deciding "not to help" after they turn 18 and I would have less money to support them through college PLUS the college costs itself. Like what is going to happen to my niece soon enough.

Yeah, I know I will get flamed for this but whatever.

After 18, parents choice. My husband choose not to support his kids after 18/high school as they treated him like crap. No way he was paying college and living expenses for an adult who treated him the way they did. If they want to go to college bad enough, have a relationship with dad or figure it out.

It ceases to be a "choice" if it is in the terms of the divorce agreement. THAT is the time to get those things work out and, honestly, the best time to get a man to sign this sort of agreement. It certainly is NOT after he remarried and build another family for himself.

Only a few states require it. My husband's agreement was 18, he actually overpaid a few months to be on the safe side. It had nothing to do with remarriage but the kids behavior toward them. If they want a parent to pay, they need to treat that person like a parent and not a human atm.

Only a few states require what? Require that the terms of the divorce agreement be honored? I am not talking about a law, I am talking about make this into the agreement at the time of divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it does happen more so for men. Although I have seen it often with mothers too. I think it is very sad and that is why if I even plan to divorce my husband (if he cheated or something along those lines) I would first steer him into a vasectomy. I know it is not guarantee but at least makes things harder.

I would also insist in some financial provisions for our children, such as child support until they are 24 if college students or graduate, whatever comes first. I know this is not common in this country but that is how it is done in my country of origin. Otherwise I would risk he just deciding "not to help" after they turn 18 and I would have less money to support them through college PLUS the college costs itself. Like what is going to happen to my niece soon enough.

Yeah, I know I will get flamed for this but whatever.

After 18, parents choice. My husband choose not to support his kids after 18/high school as they treated him like crap. No way he was paying college and living expenses for an adult who treated him the way they did. If they want to go to college bad enough, have a relationship with dad or figure it out.

It ceases to be a "choice" if it is in the terms of the divorce agreement. THAT is the time to get those things work out and, honestly, the best time to get a man to sign this sort of agreement. It certainly is NOT after he remarried and build another family for himself.

Only a few states require it. My husband's agreement was 18, he actually overpaid a few months to be on the safe side. It had nothing to do with remarriage but the kids behavior toward them. If they want a parent to pay, they need to treat that person like a parent and not a human atm.

Only a few states require what? Require that the terms of the divorce agreement be honored? I am not talking about a law, I am talking about make this into the agreement at the time of divorce.

If you can make the agreement, then yes. Anyone with any common sense would not make that agreement. It may cost more in attorney fees than the actual amount you may get if the parent chooses not to pay. Once a child is an adult, it should be the parents choice. Save the child support money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it does happen more so for men. Although I have seen it often with mothers too. I think it is very sad and that is why if I even plan to divorce my husband (if he cheated or something along those lines) I would first steer him into a vasectomy. I know it is not guarantee but at least makes things harder.

I would also insist in some financial provisions for our children, such as child support until they are 24 if college students or graduate, whatever comes first. I know this is not common in this country but that is how it is done in my country of origin. Otherwise I would risk he just deciding "not to help" after they turn 18 and I would have less money to support them through college PLUS the college costs itself. Like what is going to happen to my niece soon enough.

Yeah, I know I will get flamed for this but whatever.

After 18, parents choice. My husband choose not to support his kids after 18/high school as they treated him like crap. No way he was paying college and living expenses for an adult who treated him the way they did. If they want to go to college bad enough, have a relationship with dad or figure it out.

It ceases to be a "choice" if it is in the terms of the divorce agreement. THAT is the time to get those things work out and, honestly, the best time to get a man to sign this sort of agreement. It certainly is NOT after he remarried and build another family for himself.

Only a few states require it. My husband's agreement was 18, he actually overpaid a few months to be on the safe side. It had nothing to do with remarriage but the kids behavior toward them. If they want a parent to pay, they need to treat that person like a parent and not a human atm.

Only a few states require what? Require that the terms of the divorce agreement be honored? I am not talking about a law, I am talking about make this into the agreement at the time of divorce.

If you can make the agreement, then yes. Anyone with any common sense would not make that agreement. It may cost more in attorney fees than the actual amount you may get if the parent chooses not to pay. Once a child is an adult, it should be the parents choice. Save the child support money.

It is still the parents choice, they are only choosing to do so years before they support will be needed, at the time of divorce. I don't see this as any different than the father agreeing to contribute x amount to a 529 if you prefer. But yeah, I would aim for that to avoid influence of future next wives who have the interests of their children (rightfully so) as their priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it does happen more so for men. Although I have seen it often with mothers too. I think it is very sad and that is why if I even plan to divorce my husband (if he cheated or something along those lines) I would first steer him into a vasectomy. I know it is not guarantee but at least makes things harder.

I would also insist in some financial provisions for our children, such as child support until they are 24 if college students or graduate, whatever comes first. I know this is not common in this country but that is how it is done in my country of origin. Otherwise I would risk he just deciding "not to help" after they turn 18 and I would have less money to support them through college PLUS the college costs itself. Like what is going to happen to my niece soon enough.

Yeah, I know I will get flamed for this but whatever.

After 18, parents choice. My husband choose not to support his kids after 18/high school as they treated him like crap. No way he was paying college and living expenses for an adult who treated him the way they did. If they want to go to college bad enough, have a relationship with dad or figure it out.

It ceases to be a "choice" if it is in the terms of the divorce agreement. THAT is the time to get those things work out and, honestly, the best time to get a man to sign this sort of agreement. It certainly is NOT after he remarried and build another family for himself.

Only a few states require it. My husband's agreement was 18, he actually overpaid a few months to be on the safe side. It had nothing to do with remarriage but the kids behavior toward them. If they want a parent to pay, they need to treat that person like a parent and not a human atm.

Sounds like your husband is using this an as excuse not to pay. It's pretty common for teenagers to act badly toward their parents. Not helping for college if he's able to is pretty cruddy in my opinion. Also potentially irreparably damaging their relationship.

[Anonymous]

The second wife who is posting in this thread sounds very pleased with herself. Will you support him cutting off his kids by you if they act out as teenagers or will that be different because they are your kids?

People like you forget that the young shall grow. I was the child of the first marriage left to fend for myself for college while my father and the whore he married next lived in a mansion with basketball courts and maids. Well fast forward 15 years later, my father lost a fortune in the the recession just as his kids from the second marriage were about to hit college. I am close to a millionaire now and am happily married with kids of my own. And I am looking on in amusement as my father has sold his mansion and cars and is pinching pennies with the second wife. Her kids aren't going to have college paid for either and their retirement is going to be tough. Karma is a bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The second wife who is posting in this thread sounds very pleased with herself. Will you support him cutting off his kids by you if they act out as teenagers or will that be different because they are your kids?

People like you forget that the young shall grow. I was the child of the first marriage left to fend for myself for college while my father and the whore he married next lived in a mansion with basketball courts and maids. Well fast forward 15 years later, my father lost a fortune in the the recession just as his kids from the second marriage were about to hit college. I am close to a millionaire now and am happily married with kids of my own. And I am looking on in amusement as my father has sold his mansion and cars and is pinching pennies with the second wife. Her kids aren't going to have college paid for either and their retirement is going to be tough. Karma is a bitch.

You are looking on in amusement as kids (you half siblings?) suffer from financial difficulties? If karma is indeed a bitch, you should be very afraid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The second wife who is posting in this thread sounds very pleased with herself. Will you support him cutting off his kids by you if they act out as teenagers or will that be different because they are your kids?

People like you forget that the young shall grow. I was the child of the first marriage left to fend for myself for college while my father and the whore he married next lived in a mansion with basketball courts and maids. Well fast forward 15 years later, my father lost a fortune in the the recession just as his kids from the second marriage were about to hit college. I am close to a millionaire now and am happily married with kids of my own. And I am looking on in amusement as my father has sold his mansion and cars and is pinching pennies with the second wife. Her kids aren't going to have college paid for either and their retirement is going to be tough. Karma is a bitch.

You are looking on in amusement as kids (you half siblings?) suffer from financial difficulties? If karma is indeed a bitch, you should be very afraid.

I have nothing to fear. For years after my father left, my siblings and I suffered, peering through the window of his mansion like street urchins. His second wife was thrilled with how quickly he forsook his kids from his first marriage because that meant more for the kids she had in rapid succession. My mother was just destroyed. What is happening now is justice and I don't feel a bit of pity regardless of what bitches like you have to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my youngest sibling by my dad got the lion's share financially. My ex is about to remarry and he's already slacked off to pay for his & fiancée's fertility treatments.

Slacked off as in late with child support?

Yes. Also, he's coming to fewer events and even canceled a visit. He's moved on to the not yet conceived children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The second wife who is posting in this thread sounds very pleased with herself. Will you support him cutting off his kids by you if they act out as teenagers or will that be different because they are your kids?

People like you forget that the young shall grow. I was the child of the first marriage left to fend for myself for college while my father and the whore he married next lived in a mansion with basketball courts and maids. Well fast forward 15 years later, my father lost a fortune in the the recession just as his kids from the second marriage were about to hit college. I am close to a millionaire now and am happily married with kids of my own. And I am looking on in amusement as my father has sold his mansion and cars and is pinching pennies with the second wife. Her kids aren't going to have college paid for either and their retirement is going to be tough. Karma is a bitch.

You are looking on in amusement as kids (you half siblings?) suffer from financial difficulties? If karma is indeed a bitch, you should be very afraid.

I get it. I love my half siblings but my full sib and I lived in the full out ghetto while my dad started a new life in the 'burbs.