If your ex husband remarried and had a second set of kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Barely anyone gets alimony anymore.

Um. I live in the land of SAHM wives, and believe me they get alimony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Barely anyone gets alimony anymore.

Um. I live in the land of SAHM wives, and believe me they get alimony.

And they discuss their finances with you? Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's one reason I vowed never to have more kids than I could afford on my own.

That should apply to both men and women.

well, too bad. Biology is not tied to finances.

[Anonymous]

My ex hasn't slacked off .... yet. His first child with his new DW is due in October. But I planned for this and insisted upon an income deduction order for child support. He doesn't have a choice in paying child support. It comes righto out of his paycheck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Barely anyone gets alimony anymore.

Um. I live in the land of SAHM wives, and believe me they get alimony.

And they discuss their finances with you? Interesting.

I am not the pp, but yes they all discuss it in graphic detail.

[Anonymous]

I don't think its always an issue of not paying CS. It's the extras. If you think of CS like a car payment, just because you have another child, your loan doesn't go away. But what might go away are the number of nights you can eat out. So in the case of child extras it might be the travel soccer league, the summer pool membership, the Python coding camp. The things that are not necessarily covered by CS but you give to your children because you're their parent. When there are more children, there is less money for extras.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think its always an issue of not paying CS. It's the extras. If you think of CS like a car payment, just because you have another child, your loan doesn't go away. But what might go away are the number of nights you can eat out. So in the case of child extras it might be the travel soccer league, the summer pool membership, the Python coding camp. The things that are not necessarily covered by CS but you give to your children because you're their parent. When there are more children, there is less money for extras.

This is my feeling too. First obligations come first. You don't get to unilaterally take actions that impact your former business partner's finances. Same for your former life partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's one reason I vowed never to have more kids than I could afford on my own.

That should apply to both men and women.

well, too bad. Biology is not tied to finances.

Actually it is - see data on pay differences for women vs men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's one reason I vowed never to have more kids than I could afford on my own.

That should apply to both men and women.

well, too bad. Biology is not tied to finances.

Actually it is - see data on pay differences for women vs men.

babies arrive regardless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it does happen more so for men. Although I have seen it often with mothers too. I think it is very sad and that is why if I even plan to divorce my husband (if he cheated or something along those lines) I would first steer him into a vasectomy. I know it is not guarantee but at least makes things harder.

I would also insist in some financial provisions for our children, such as child support until they are 24 if college students or graduate, whatever comes first. I know this is not common in this country but that is how it is done in my country of origin. Otherwise I would risk he just deciding "not to help" after they turn 18 and I would have less money to support them through college PLUS the college costs itself. Like what is going to happen to my niece soon enough.

Yeah, I know I will get flamed for this but whatever.

After 18, parents choice. My husband choose not to support his kids after 18/high school as they treated him like crap. No way he was paying college and living expenses for an adult who treated him the way they did. If they want to go to college bad enough, have a relationship with dad or figure it out.

It ceases to be a "choice" if it is in the terms of the divorce agreement. THAT is the time to get those things work out and, honestly, the best time to get a man to sign this sort of agreement. It certainly is NOT after he remarried and build another family for himself.

Only a few states require it. My husband's agreement was 18, he actually overpaid a few months to be on the safe side. It had nothing to do with remarriage but the kids behavior toward them. If they want a parent to pay, they need to treat that person like a parent and not a human atm.

Sounds like your husband is using this an as excuse not to pay. It's pretty common for teenagers to act badly toward their parents. Not helping for college if he's able to is pretty cruddy in my opinion. Also potentially irreparably damaging their relationship.

=1 - aren't most teenagers kind of ass holes to their parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it does happen more so for men. Although I have seen it often with mothers too. I think it is very sad and that is why if I even plan to divorce my husband (if he cheated or something along those lines) I would first steer him into a vasectomy. I know it is not guarantee but at least makes things harder.

I would also insist in some financial provisions for our children, such as child support until they are 24 if college students or graduate, whatever comes first. I know this is not common in this country but that is how it is done in my country of origin. Otherwise I would risk he just deciding "not to help" after they turn 18 and I would have less money to support them through college PLUS the college costs itself. Like what is going to happen to my niece soon enough.

Yeah, I know I will get flamed for this but whatever.

After 18, parents choice. My husband choose not to support his kids after 18/high school as they treated him like crap. No way he was paying college and living expenses for an adult who treated him the way they did. If they want to go to college bad enough, have a relationship with dad or figure it out.

It ceases to be a "choice" if it is in the terms of the divorce agreement. THAT is the time to get those things work out and, honestly, the best time to get a man to sign this sort of agreement. It certainly is NOT after he remarried and build another family for himself.

I just negotiated a child support agreement in VA, and the law is that no parent is required to pay for a child after the age of 18. You can put support after age 18 (such as college) in the agreement but it is unenforcable if the person doesn't pay, so there really isn't much point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Barely anyone gets alimony anymore.

Um. I live in the land of SAHM wives, and believe me they get alimony.

And they discuss their finances with you? Interesting.

I am not the pp, but yes they all discuss it in graphic detail.