My husband discusses me in an unflattering way with his happy hour female coworker

[Anonymous]

The whole scenario is difficult to digest without knowing the source of the extraordinarily detailed information. How do you know all this, OP?

A good guideline on appropriate boundaries in talking about the marriage to others is that no one (of either sex) should know more about the state of your marriage than your partner does.

OP's DH's betrayal seems way, way worse than that. He is violating her privacy, being unkind, being disloyal, and beyond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he's trying to start an affair with her. He's comparing you unfavorably to her and suggesting that he's in an unhappy marriage. Which may or may not be true, but that's what he's telling her because that's what guys do when they want to justify an affair to themselves and to the prospective OW. Keep tabs on him, OP. Trouble is brewing. Hopefully she isn't interested.

agree. And if it "got back to you" by a third party at their happy hours, they think so too.

--former OW (unintentional--he dated me under an alias/false identity)

LOL @ having to add some BS disclaimer that it was "unintentional".

You knew damn well what you were doing. Don't play victim home wrecker.

Gee I wonder why she felt the need for a disclaimer- even with it your bitter ass still called her a home wrecker.
It's cool PP, most of us understand that some affair partners actually didn't know what they were involved in.

pp here, the opinion of internet idiots doesn't bother me, but thank you. this was before FB and smartphones and in the early days of google and cellphones, so it was a lot easier for him to explain why he wasn't online.

They are still happily married I believe, with a kid or two. The only thing "wrecked" was me. And since it taught me how to spot liars and cheaters, it may actually have been worth the pain.

NP here who similarly was involved with a married man without knowing it. (In my case he claimed to be separated at first.). Never slept with him, but he wasted my time and played with my heart for a long time. He's married to someone else now and has twins and had the gall to find me in FB and tell me how much he missed me and wished we could have a baby together. Looked at his FB profile and it was the perfectly curated portrait of a devoted dad and husband, lots of cross-posts and adoring comments with his wife about their daughters. I feel awful got his wife because she's going to he blindsided and heartbroken one day. Some people suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here:

Is she his "work wife?"

Sometimes men talk to other women about these things not for some ulterior motive but because they're easier to talk to in general than other men. It's not really appropriate, but that's all it could be.

I do find it odd that he would criticize your parenting style to a single woman (who I am assuming has no children herself). Is she much younger or not?

I, too, want to know how this got back to you. For some reason that detail feels like it matters.

Whatever. "Work wives" turn into affair partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here:

Is she his "work wife?"

Sometimes men talk to other women about these things not for some ulterior motive but because they're easier to talk to in general than other men. It's not really appropriate, but that's all it could be.

I do find it odd that he would criticize your parenting style to a single woman (who I am assuming has no children herself). Is she much younger or not?

I, too, want to know how this got back to you. For some reason that detail feels like it matters.

Whatever. "Work wives" turn into affair partners.

Naw.

[Anonymous]

10:32, you dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he's trying to start an affair with her. He's comparing you unfavorably to her and suggesting that he's in an unhappy marriage. Which may or may not be true, but that's what he's telling her because that's what guys do when they want to justify an affair to themselves and to the prospective OW. Keep tabs on him, OP. Trouble is brewing. Hopefully she isn't interested.

Absolutely. Your marriage is in danger, girl. I would find a good marriage counselor. If he's unwilling to go, start preparing yourself for the fallout, because I can almost guarantee he is seeking an affair. He sounds like a real piece of work, regardless of his relationship with this woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here:

Is she his "work wife?"

Sometimes men talk to other women about these things not for some ulterior motive but because they're easier to talk to in general than other men. It's not really appropriate, but that's all it could be.

I do find it odd that he would criticize your parenting style to a single woman (who I am assuming has no children herself). Is she much younger or not?

I, too, want to know how this got back to you. For some reason that detail feels like it matters.

Whatever. "Work wives" turn into affair partners.

Naw.

He's complaining about his wife to the other woman and putting the other woman on a pedestal. You can fool yourself all you want, but this "work wife" is an affair waiting to happen--if it's not already.

[Anonymous]

I always have a little less respect for a guy that criticizes his wife to me (if I don't know her) regardless of his intentions. Just bad judgement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he's trying to start an affair with her. He's comparing you unfavorably to her and suggesting that he's in an unhappy marriage. Which may or may not be true, but that's what he's telling her because that's what guys do when they want to justify an affair to themselves and to the prospective OW. Keep tabs on him, OP. Trouble is brewing. Hopefully she isn't interested.

agree. And if it "got back to you" by a third party at their happy hours, they think so too.

--former OW (unintentional--he dated me under an alias/false identity)

LOL @ having to add some BS disclaimer that it was "unintentional".

You knew damn well what you were doing. Don't play victim home wrecker.

Gee I wonder why she felt the need for a disclaimer- even with it your bitter ass still called her a home wrecker.
It's cool PP, most of us understand that some affair partners actually didn't know what they were involved in.

pp here, the opinion of internet idiots doesn't bother me, but thank you. this was before FB and smartphones and in the early days of google and cellphones, so it was a lot easier for him to explain why he wasn't online.

They are still happily married I believe, with a kid or two. The only thing "wrecked" was me. And since it taught me how to spot liars and cheaters, it may actually have been worth the pain.

NP here who similarly was involved with a married man without knowing it. (In my case he claimed to be separated at first.). Never slept with him, but he wasted my time and played with my heart for a long time. He's married to someone else now and has twins and had the gall to find me in FB and tell me how much he missed me and wished we could have a baby together. Looked at his FB profile and it was the perfectly curated portrait of a devoted dad and husband, lots of cross-posts and adoring comments with his wife about their daughters. I feel awful got his wife because she's going to he blindsided and heartbroken one day. Some people suck.

pp here. Indeed. I agonized for a long time about whether to tell her about the prize she married, then I found out she was pregnant. I really had to believe in karma for a few years there to handle it all. now, over 10 years out, I am more ok with the idea that she may never know.

[Anonymous]

It's obnoxious when spouses air their dirty laundry with their friends, beyond mild, amusing stories. I don't blame OP for being hurt.

That said, women do this ALL THE TIME and feel that it is their prerogative.

[Anonymous]

He could be just a chronic complainer and co-worker is merely a convenient ear at his disposal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's obnoxious when spouses air their dirty laundry with their friends, beyond mild, amusing stories. I don't blame OP for being hurt.

That said, women do this ALL THE TIME and feel that it is their prerogative.

On DCUM it is OK for women to do this.

But a man does this....and he is trying to have an affair. LOL.

[Anonymous]

FYI Ladies. If I'm trying to hook up with some chick...I'm not talking about my marriage/relationship. I'm going to talk myself up and not knock anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Flip the roles here and DCUM would be up in arms that your husband was insecure because you talk to other men.

But since it is a man, he is attracted to this woman and it will lead to cheating.

So OP, what are you doing to be more attractive to your DH? You know, in DCUM land, you have to keep the home fires burning in order to stop your DH from looking elsewhere.

of course, in DCUM land, the land of the double standard and hypocrisy, this really only applies to men who's wives are unhappy and look elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Would it have been a shock to any of the male respondents that their S/O might not be pleased with the over sharing ? Or is that a move to dodge responsibility?