My husband discusses me in an unflattering way with his happy hour female coworker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's obnoxious when spouses air their dirty laundry with their friends, beyond mild, amusing stories. I don't blame OP for being hurt.

That said, women do this ALL THE TIME and feel that it is their prerogative.

On DCUM it is OK for women to do this.

But a man does this....and he is trying to have an affair. LOL.

Woman here. I don't complain to my friends, coworkers, or family members about my husband. Rarely, do I say anything about him that could be construed as a complaint. If I do, it's something silly. I don't make derogatory comments about my husband to other men, ever. If I have an issue with my husband, I take it up with him. That's how grown-ups do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FYI Ladies. If I'm trying to hook up with some chick...I'm not talking about my marriage/relationship. I'm going to talk myself up and not knock anyone.

You just have a different methodology. Committed men often have a different MO.

[Anonymous]

Not everyone here is so blatantly biased. Stop using OP post to push hate. I think she painted a very fair picture of what was bugging her without man bashing or accusing him of cheating. She shouldn't have to put up with snarky comments because of other people. That's not helpful or adding any insight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would it have been a shock to any of the male respondents that their S/O might not be pleased with the over sharing ? Or is that a move to dodge responsibility?

totally fair. as a man, no way I'd ever share any details of my personal life (sex, parenting, family, etc.) with another woman no matter how well we knew each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's obnoxious when spouses air their dirty laundry with their friends, beyond mild, amusing stories. I don't blame OP for being hurt.

That said, women do this ALL THE TIME and feel that it is their prerogative.

On DCUM it is OK for women to do this.

But a man does this....and he is trying to have an affair. LOL.

Woman here. I don't complain to my friends, coworkers, or family members about my husband. Rarely, do I say anything about him that could be construed as a complaint. If I do, it's something silly. I don't make derogatory comments about my husband to other men, ever. If I have an issue with my husband, I take it up with him. That's how grown-ups do it.

Yeah, the issue isn't that he's complaining about his wife to his male buddies. That would be more within bounds and, as PP says, something women do all the time. But women DON'T always go to hh alone with other men and disparage their husbands. And those that do are most likely playing the same game that OP's DH probably is.

[Anonymous]

My ex would do this with a female coworker. I found out he was going to dinner with her and bitching about how I paid him no attention. Meanwhile, I was rushing to pick up dcs, 4 and 1 at that time, make dinner and get them ready for bed. Pretty certain they started screwing each other relatively quickly. I think he even got fired for it because he was her manager.

Well, they are now living together and have a child of their own. They deserve each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He could be just a chronic complainer and co-worker is merely a convenient ear at his disposal.

True.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex would do this with a female coworker. I found out he was going to dinner with her and bitching about how I paid him no attention. Meanwhile, I was rushing to pick up dcs, 4 and 1 at that time, make dinner and get them ready for bed. Pretty certain they started screwing each other relatively quickly. I think he even got fired for it because he was her manager.

Well, they are now living together and have a child of their own. They deserve each other.

Yikes. It seems so unfair while you're holding up your end oh the bargain, well you know. It would have taken me some time before I would have been able to see straight.

[Anonymous]

First off, did your husband tell you all of this or are you just speculating because if he did tell you this he's a dick trying to hurt your feelings. If it's what you think he's discussing then you already know what to improve.

I have no idea what culture doesn't do housekeeping hires. Never heard that before. If the house isn't up to his standards, maybe instead of going out for a drink with a woman from work he needs to get his ass home and HELP YOU. Is he highly allergic to housework ? I doubt it. If his culture doesn't permit this also, I'd hand him an apron, a swiffer, a vacuum and tell him what happens in the house stays in the house so get to cleaning !

As for the work wife, FUCK THAT. He has one wife, this woman is the work ho. And let's be clear, she knows he's married with children, why the hell is she entertaining him and why is he entertaining her ?

That after work drink would be stopped immediately in my house. You don't see people outside of work. PERIOD. Work is work. It's never a good idea to mix work and personal time. Especially with someone of the opposite sex.

If your husband has home problems, he should be discussing those problems with YOU not her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's obnoxious when spouses air their dirty laundry with their friends, beyond mild, amusing stories. I don't blame OP for being hurt.

That said, women do this ALL THE TIME and feel that it is their prerogative.

I don't.

[Anonymous]

So how did you find out?

[Anonymous]

One of the most important boundaries to abide by in a marriage or partnership is this: do not air your dirty laundry to a member of the opposite sex about your marriage. When you start complaining about your husband or wife, you subconsciously start playing the comparison game and building up your "friend" while picking away at your spouse for the things you think they are doing wrong. As you've described it, OP, this is exactly what your husband is doing. Before long, you start fantasizing about how perfect the other person is and how they can potentially fulfill a desire or need that your husband or wife is not filling. And that's when the temptation begins. If the other person is a willing partner or flattered by the reverence and attention, you have all the makings of an affair.

[Anonymous]

Classic affair behavior. Complain about the wife to get the sympathy sex and justify sneaking around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's obnoxious when spouses air their dirty laundry with their friends, beyond mild, amusing stories. I don't blame OP for being hurt.

That said, women do this ALL THE TIME and feel that it is their prerogative.

On DCUM it is OK for women to do this.

But a man does this....and he is trying to have an affair. LOL.

We don't do it over drinks with a man our age. We do it in confidence with our girlfriends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it have been a shock to any of the male respondents that their S/O might not be pleased with the over sharing ? Or is that a move to dodge responsibility?

totally fair. as a man, no way I'd ever share any details of my personal life (sex, parenting, family, etc.) with another woman no matter how well we knew each other.

That's because you are a mensch. So is my DH. Gossip is for people with too much time on their hands.