How to be supportive: SAHM wants to go back to work

[Anonymous]

This is her journey to take. There's not much you can do. She has to choose to be aggressive about it. Next time she complains, point out she is 100% in control to fix that. It's a decision, not a personality trait, to actively pursue a job.

[Anonymous]

This is her journey to take. There's not much you can do. She has to choose to be aggressive about it. Next time she complains, point out she is 100% in control to fix that. It's a decision, not a personality trait, to actively pursue a job.

OP here. This isn't helpful. My wife is going through a hard time and as her partner it's my obligation to be supportive. I can easily put my hands in the air and say whatever, but having an unhappy spouse is poison and I won't settle for that.

To the other posters, thank you. I really feel like an outside perspective would be helpful and will mention coaching and some books as good initial steps. If you happen to have any references in NOVA, please post them here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This is her journey to take. There's not much you can do. She has to choose to be aggressive about it. Next time she complains, point out she is 100% in control to fix that. It's a decision, not a personality trait, to actively pursue a job.

OP here. This isn't helpful. My wife is going through a hard time and as her partner it's my obligation to be supportive. I can easily put my hands in the air and say whatever, but having an unhappy spouse is poison and I won't settle for that.

To the other posters, thank you. I really feel like an outside perspective would be helpful and will mention coaching and some books as good initial steps. If you happen to have any references in NOVA, please post them here.

I'm not that poster, but I agree that this is your wife's journey, not yours. Are you going to go on interviews with her? Sit next to her at work? You can be supportive, but .. Lead a horse to water and all that.

[Anonymous]

Has she every had a job? What?

[Anonymous]

I know you were looking for advice about how to support/motivate your wife, but just wanted to share some thoughts on a potential industry for her to consider in her job search...

Professional societies and trade associations are all about facilitating the exchange of information among people with common interests/goals. This is done through magazines, conferences, networking, meetings, webapps, etc. The skills that are valued in these organizations can be a good match for generalists, i.e., smart people who know a little about a lot and have good raw materials including attention to detail, writing/speaking skills, work ethic, critical thinking skills, etc. In associations/societies, you can work on the publications side (editing, writing, research), on the events side (planning, marketing, content development, logistics, etc), on the membership side (sales, marketing, operations), in government affairs (lobbying, research, etc.), finance, technology, etc. While some positions do require specific experience, there are many that don't. She may have to start in a junior or even administrative role, but if she does good work, she can move up quickly. Many 501c6s and c3s are small businesses staffed by people who wear many hats. If she had some area(s) of expertise from her days in academia, she may have a leg up at an association or professional society that represents people or companies in that line of work, especially if she applies for a position where technical knowledge in that field is valued. Job opportunities for associations and societies are often posted on ASAE's career web site.

Good luck to you both!

[Anonymous]

I can’t speak to the SAHM angle, but I’m also a social science PhD who left academia. Have your wife check out www.versatilephd.com. There’s a lot of people just like her on that forum, and a lot of encouragement that there are other things out there that she’s qualified to do with her background.

As an aside, when I decide to leave academia I also felt helpless and like I was qualified to do nothing. I now have a career I love as a researcher at a nonprofit, in a topic area that is different than what I studied in grad school. The DC area is a great place to find research jobs for social scientist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is her journey to take. There's not much you can do. She has to choose to be aggressive about it. Next time she complains, point out she is 100% in control to fix that. It's a decision, not a personality trait, to actively pursue a job.

OP here. This isn't helpful. My wife is going through a hard time and as her partner it's my obligation to be supportive. I can easily put my hands in the air and say whatever, but having an unhappy spouse is poison and I won't settle for that.

To the other posters, thank you. I really feel like an outside perspective would be helpful and will mention coaching and some books as good initial steps. If you happen to have any references in NOVA, please post them here.

I'm not that poster, but I agree that this is your wife's journey, not yours. Are you going to go on interviews with her? Sit next to her at work? You can be supportive, but .. Lead a horse to water and all that.

+2

I appreciate that you are coming from a good place, OP, but honestly I think you need to back off. Be supportive, yes. But it's not your job to set up coaching, buy her books, etc. She's a grownup. I think it's a very stereotypically "male" thing to want to jump in and fix things, but you can't fix this for her.

Has she asked for your help? Serious question.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes she asked for help.

[Anonymous]

Op, ignore the naysayers. Being a supportive spouse and helping her identify possible avenues to explore is helpful. Some good ideas have been posted here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she'll be riding the SAHM gravy train for the rest of her life.

Hope your kids have more ambition than your wife. Hope you don't have to deal with them with kid gloves.

Fuck off.

x2

[Anonymous]

I was a SAHM for a few years, but did work before (masters).. I applied for lower level jobs that offered flexibility and the companies were extremely receptive - I had 3 job offers within 2 weeks of searching casually. Perhaps asking your wife to start lower/ ease in - that would help her get back into the rhythm and build more recent experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This is her journey to take. There's not much you can do. She has to choose to be aggressive about it. Next time she complains, point out she is 100% in control to fix that. It's a decision, not a personality trait, to actively pursue a job.

OP here. This isn't helpful. My wife is going through a hard time and as her partner it's my obligation to be supportive. I can easily put my hands in the air and say whatever, but having an unhappy spouse is poison and I won't settle for that.

To the other posters, thank you. I really feel like an outside perspective would be helpful and will mention coaching and some books as good initial steps. If you happen to have any references in NOVA, please post them here.

You sound like a wonderful husband. God bless your family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is her journey to take. There's not much you can do. She has to choose to be aggressive about it. Next time she complains, point out she is 100% in control to fix that. It's a decision, not a personality trait, to actively pursue a job.

OP here. This isn't helpful. My wife is going through a hard time and as her partner it's my obligation to be supportive. I can easily put my hands in the air and say whatever, but having an unhappy spouse is poison and I won't settle for that.

To the other posters, thank you. I really feel like an outside perspective would be helpful and will mention coaching and some books as good initial steps. If you happen to have any references in NOVA, please post them here.

You sound like a wonderful husband. God bless your family!

yes! I know you are married but i think Im in love.

signed mom of two trying to re enter work force after being laid off last year with no support from spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes she asked for help.

Okay. So what happens when you give her all these ideas for help and she doesn't act on them?

[Anonymous]

Can you afford to hire her a life coach or a career coach? If so, do that. Easiest answer. They know what to expect and can handle people like this.