How do you develop a self-motivated child? A kindergartener who can work independently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks for the perspective. I may be taking this to heart more than necessary. There is so much pressure! I feel like he's building a reputation with the teachers as a very bright boy who has poor classroom habits. I don't want him dismissed.

The thing is, school was a sanctuary for me. More toys, more attention, independence, belonging. I grew up in the typical, 70s, adult-focused household. I always did well in school, as was the expectation, but I also always had a good time there. I'm having a hard time with this little brainiac misbehaving like this. Simply refusing to do work? It's rude. It's not like him to be so contrary, especially when it relates to something he's so obviously good at.

I need to let go of my own baggage and focus on him. How do you instill work ethic?

It's so much easier to drill sight words! I'm failing him and I don't know what to do.

A) He is not you.
B) He is not misbehaving. If he was you'd be posting "I have to have another Parent Teacher conference because my kid is misbehaving."
C) There is a difference between refusing to do work and having anxiety /fear/tough time concentrating/etc doing work. Have you considered any other options besides a conscious effort to not complete his work?
D) If you try to instill achievement too much he could build a fear of failure. Be sure you're not instilling achievement vs work ethic. Lots of studies being done on this these days.
E) Drilling anything with a 5-6 year old sounds like a bit much, especially if his school day is filled with worksheets, drilling, etc. Lots of opportunities to learn around the house in ways that don't feel like school.

What are his teachers saying? They'd be in the best position to say what he's doing instead of his work.

You need to look into why your child is refusing to participate. You should get your child evaluated bc if it's a medical issue that's keeping him from participating then it's not going to resolve with maturity and you need to get him help like an IEP.

This is the difference between Asian culture and high SES American culture.
Kid is not doing work from Asian family, kid gets made to do Kumon to develop good work habits. Kid has more work at home, difficult at first, but then learns to do quality work above grade level so work at school is easy to do quickly and done well. Work harder kid.
Kid from American high SES family gets dragged to get tested. Parents pay 3,000 dollars to get labeled to get accomodations to do less work. Poor kid he can't help it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This is the difference between Asian culture and high SES American culture.
Kid is not doing work from Asian family, kid gets made to do Kumon to develop good work habits. Kid has more work at home, difficult at first, but then learns to do quality work above grade level so work at school is easy to do quickly and done well. Work harder kid.
Kid from American high SES family gets dragged to get tested. Parents pay 3,000 dollars to get labeled to get accomodations to do less work. Poor kid he can't help it.

"Asian culture"? 4.4 billion people, 51 countries, one culture?

[Anonymous]

This is the difference between Asian culture and high SES American culture.
Kid is not doing work from Asian family, kid gets made to do Kumon to develop good work habits. Kid has more work at home, difficult at first, but then learns to do quality work above grade level so work at school is easy to do quickly and done well. Work harder kid.
Kid from American high SES family gets dragged to get tested. Parents pay 3,000 dollars to get labeled to get accomodations to do less work. Poor kid he can't help it.

This is an offensive statement. If the Asian culture is so much better, why are you here? This country is built on hard work and personal responsibility. You are stereotyping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This is the difference between Asian culture and high SES American culture.
Kid is not doing work from Asian family, kid gets made to do Kumon to develop good work habits. Kid has more work at home, difficult at first, but then learns to do quality work above grade level so work at school is easy to do quickly and done well. Work harder kid.
Kid from American high SES family gets dragged to get tested. Parents pay 3,000 dollars to get labeled to get accomodations to do less work. Poor kid he can't help it.

This is an offensive statement. If the Asian culture is so much better, why are you here? This country is built on hard work and personal responsibility. You are stereotyping.

This country is built on stolen land and stolen labor, but now I'm quibbling.

[Anonymous]

My now middle schooler was like that. He was eventually diagnosed with ADHD and has an IEP that provides many things including extra time and a reduced work load. He is also very bright, takes advanced math and honors classes. So, the PP is right that it could be a medical condition that might entitle him to an IEP. And, PP is right to be concerned because whatever it is will lead to consequences by second grade, like missing part of recess if that's allowed in the school.

[Anonymous]

This country is built on stolen land and stolen labor, but now I'm quibbling.

Slavery was wrong. This country is a lot more than what was built on the back of slaves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is the difference between Asian culture and high SES American culture.
Kid is not doing work from Asian family, kid gets made to do Kumon to develop good work habits. Kid has more work at home, difficult at first, but then learns to do quality work above grade level so work at school is easy to do quickly and done well. Work harder kid.
Kid from American high SES family gets dragged to get tested. Parents pay 3,000 dollars to get labeled to get accomodations to do less work. Poor kid he can't help it.

This is an offensive statement. If the Asian culture is so much better, why are you here? This country is built on hard work and personal responsibility. You are stereotyping.

This country is built on stolen land and stolen labor, but now I'm quibbling.

Yup, but on stolen hard work.

[Anonymous]

Yup, but on stolen hard work.

Wrong.

[Anonymous]

Yup, but on stolen hard work.

Stolen from whom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yup, but on stolen hard work.

Stolen from whom?

Stolen from slaves, and stolen from the descendants of slaves under Jim Crow.

[Anonymous]

I would look at what deficit he has that is keeping him from doing the work in class. Does he lose focus too fast? Have trouble staying on task? Take forever to find his pencil? I wouldn't assume it is a conscious behavioral issue or that it is within his capacity to change his behavioral without support.

[Anonymous]

Stolen from slaves, and stolen from the descendants of slaves under Jim Crow.

A lot was built without the help of slaves. Agree that slavery was wrong. That was almost two hundred years ago. Jim Crow has been gone sixty years.

[Anonymous]

I would look at what deficit he has that is keeping him from doing the work in class. Does he lose focus too fast? Have trouble staying on task? Take forever to find his pencil? I wouldn't assume it is a conscious behavioral issue or that it is within his capacity to change his behavioral without support.

He's FIVE! That's normal for five.

[Anonymous]

He's FIVE! That's normal for five.

ps. I taught Kindergarten. It's normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This is the difference between Asian culture and high SES American culture.
Kid is not doing work from Asian family, kid gets made to do Kumon to develop good work habits. Kid has more work at home, difficult at first, but then learns to do quality work above grade level so work at school is easy to do quickly and done well. Work harder kid.
Kid from American high SES family gets dragged to get tested. Parents pay 3,000 dollars to get labeled to get accomodations to do less work. Poor kid he can't help it.

This is an offensive statement. If the Asian culture is so much better, why are you here? This country is built on hard work and personal responsibility. You are stereotyping.

I agree, this country was built on hard work and personal responsibility, but this country has changed a lot. There are too many lazy, entitled Americans. Long gone are the days where most Americans are willing to put in the hard work that Americans did even 50 yrs ago.

I don't agree 100% with the ^PP's statement, but there is a grain of truth to it. We do coddle our children here a lot more than some other cultures. That has an impact on what we expect them to be able to do. You can't deny that.

While I don't think a 5 yr old should be able to sit still and do 15min of HW, they should be able to focus for at least 5 min to do something. Most 5 yr olds can focus on an interesting task for more than 5 min. So, yes, maybe OP's DC is bored by the CW, but, at this age, they should be able to do something even if it's boring because it just needs to be done.

For example, my 5 yr old hates cleaning his toys. So he dawdles, complains it's too hard, too much. But, I know he can do it; he just doesn't want to.

Or, perhaps as other PPs have stated, OP's DC has a LD. But, barring any LDs, a 5 yr old should be able to complete a CW task if able to. Kids need to learn that you have to do something even if you don't like it, want to, it's boring, etc... I think that is a more important lesson than the actual CW itself.