How do you develop a self-motivated child? A kindergartener who can work independently?

[Anonymous]

OP,

Please consider holding him back in K. That sounds like the answer. I know a kid like that whose mother refused to repeat him. GT kid who did poorly in high school and is a college dropout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, he needs more support than he's currently getting. This means MORE one-on-one work, not less. You can see a cognitive behavioral therapist for anxiety, but you are also going to need services in the classroom - that's where the IEP comes in. The kinds of supports my son has received have ranged from a paraprofessional who sits beside him in class and coaches him through the assignment, to checklists, to special folders and systems for papers, to modified assignments, laptop instead of paper and pencil, etc.

Lots of kids with these needs are plenty bright. But being bright isn't enough. You also need other skills, like organization and persistence, and some kids don't have the ability to develop these on their own without help. I would ask about an evaluation by your school and start there.

Seeing a CBT for a 5/6 yr old isn't going to work. They are simply too young to get much out of therapy. Your best bet is getting an evaluation and seeing what is causing the anxiety and going from there. You don't know what supports will work until you know the cause.

We started seeing a CBT therapist partway through my son's kindergarten year. It was life changing and made more of a difference than any other single thing we did. He was not too young for the tools she used.

[Anonymous]

So, OP, you may have a choice: continue on with testing, etc., or have your son be with kids who are more developmentally like him.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Holding him back is what it looks like right now. As I said, I think the teachers were hinting at it when we met earlier this year. They mentioned one boy in particular, who had been held back. He is a calm, well-behaved boy who exhibits excellent classroom behavior. I spend time in the classroom whenever I can. They said he had been the same way as my son last year. Detached and wouldn't participate.

I understand what I need to do in terms of getting him evaluated and therapeutic approaches.

What I really need help with is the day-to-day interaction. How do I help him with homework? How do I encourage him without adding pressure?

To the PP K teacher, what does it mean to you and for him that his is smart but not developmentally "ready"?

[Anonymous]

I also want to add that he is in the 97%+ for height and weight. He looks like an 8yo. A babysitter once admitted to me that she thought I babied him like crazy until she realized how old he actually is. He does NOT look 5yo at all.

[Anonymous]

OP this is only a problem in a crappy district where K classes are 25 to 1.

At least in Fairfax it is 28-30 to 2.

In privates it is 8-14 to 1

In MCPS, they are ignored. Over and over and over again

[Anonymous]

OP this is only a problem in a crappy district where K classes are 25 to 1.

No. It is a factor of maturity. Has nothing to do with physical size.

[Anonymous]

I also want to add that he is in the 97%+ for height and weight. He looks like an 8yo. A babysitter once admitted to me that she thought I babied him like crazy until she realized how old he actually is. He does NOT look 5yo at all.

But, he thinks like a five year old--and that is what matters.

[Anonymous]

K teacher:

I think all five year olds with Sept birthdays should be thoughtfully considered for redshirting. If I had one, I probably would--unless he were particularly mature.

[Anonymous]

Is it a fear of failure?

My 6yr old DD is like this with a lot of things. For example, DD takes piano lessons. She's pretty good; teacher thinks she is doing great and progresses her, gives her new material. But each new material she gets, she tells me she's scared to play it because she might mess up and not play it well. The teacher has also noticed this and saw it as a fear of failure.

I'm dealing with this by introducing her to lots of new things. She has trepidations at every turn, but we're working through them. Of course, I always encourage her, and tell her as long as she tries her best, it doesn't matter if she fails. She's better now at trying things even if she thinks she might fail. It's a WIP.

[Anonymous]

To the PP K teacher, what does it mean to you and for him that his is smart but not developmentally "ready"?

I admit that a little of it is "gut"--but you pretty much described it. He is intelligent and capable, but doesn't want to work independently. He loves to play and wants to stay longer at the play part of school. He probably needs more play time.

[Anonymous]

OP

How much younger is he than the others in the class. Are there many that are a year older?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP

How much younger is he than the others in the class. Are there many that are a year older?

If he is in a dual language program, it's doubtful that there are many or any kids that are red shirted. There is no advantage to red shirt in an immersion language program.

OP should ask the teachers what will be the best course to help her DC including whether he needs an evaluation and/or IEP/504. She needs to find out what is the root of the problem before trying therapies. In most likelihood, whatever she tries at home is not going to help at school and he needs supports at school.

[Anonymous]

OP should ask the teachers what will be the best course to help her DC including whether he needs an evaluation and/or IEP/504. She needs to find out what is the root of the problem before trying therapies. In most likelihood, whatever she tries at home is not going to help at school and he needs supports at school.

He just turned five in September. My bet is that he just needs another year. Sounds like he is doing fine for his age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP should ask the teachers what will be the best course to help her DC including whether he needs an evaluation and/or IEP/504. She needs to find out what is the root of the problem before trying therapies. In most likelihood, whatever she tries at home is not going to help at school and he needs supports at school.

He just turned five in September. My bet is that he just needs another year. Sounds like he is doing fine for his age.

Instead of guessing that immaturity is the issue and that holding the kid back will solve the problem, OP should ask the teachers.

In the immersion program my son attends, it is impossible to hold kids back without a very good reason like an IEP and even then I don't know anyone.