How do you develop a self-motivated child? A kindergartener who can work independently?

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Not impossible to have a repeater. The teachers referenced two other children who were in the class for the second time.

I am checking with my insurance to see how he might be engaged by a professional. It would be interesting to learn what an objective observer sees, especially regarding the anxiety piece.

I'm more interested in therapy than evaluation. If there's a problem one will naturally lead to the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here.

Not impossible to have a repeater. The teachers referenced two other children who were in the class for the second time.

I am checking with my insurance to see how he might be engaged by a professional. It would be interesting to learn what an objective observer sees, especially regarding the anxiety piece.

I'm more interested in therapy than evaluation. If there's a problem one will naturally lead to the other.

And those two kids who are repeating most likely have IEPs and a diagnosis. Public schools don't allow repeats just for maturity issues. Your school will evaluate for free and your child requires supports at school thus the need for a school evaluation.

[Anonymous]

check on the teacher. Each year is important. Don't want him to go an entire year unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here.

Not impossible to have a repeater. The teachers referenced two other children who were in the class for the second time.

I am checking with my insurance to see how he might be engaged by a professional. It would be interesting to learn what an objective observer sees, especially regarding the anxiety piece.

I'm more interested in therapy than evaluation. If there's a problem one will naturally lead to the other.

You need a developmental evaluation to figure out what therapy to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what does the teacher say?

He's in a dual language program and has two teachers. They each have expressed a shared frustration at his lack of follow through on the work. One teacher is more willing to work with him by having him sit next to her while he does the assignment, encourage him, etc. The other one just stated her fear that he would be left behind in first grade because they don't have time for any one-on-one. They both stated how smart he is and how clear it is that he is capable of doing the work.

You should ask his teachers if they think your child needs to be evaluated. I'm the poster with the older child in a dual language program and I will tell you that our school and teachers are pretty bad about telling parents about getting an evaluation. Basically, they drop a lot of hints but never ever come right out and say so. They do better if you ask right out.

They did use the words "distracted" and "distractions" often enough to grab my attention. I think they are prepping me to let him repeat the year. He is the youngest in his class, but so is my daughter and she is an absolute rock star. She demonstrates a maturity that her brother does not. I think I know where this is leading. Another year of kindergarten may be the answer.

I will have to start looking at this through a different lens. As the elder child, he's not the "baby" in the family. I expect him to lead, when I should allow him to just develop at his own pace. He's a truly great kid. Perhaps he's much more of a "baby" than I have been thinking? When he was three, I would delight in his intelligence and allow for his immaturity. He was a baby!! We were just having fun while learning! He's still wicked smart, playful, and naturally curious. If I put him back into the mindset I used to have (if that makes any sense!) the problem disappears. It's only when I expect him to be a disciplined, focused learner (all value laden terms!) that he (and I) fall short.

He has until the end of the year to either show me he's capable of making this change, or not. In the meantime, I'm still looking for practical tips on how to best support him.

1) Should I continue to try and wean him from one on one instruction or embrace this as a strategy?
2) How does a parent reduce a young learner's anxiety about completing a class assignment?
3) How do I separate his academic acumen from his emotional immaturity?
4) How do I take the pressure off while also letting him know how important it is that he do the work?

I welcome the insight and would really, really appreciate very practical ways of interacting with my son. A positive outcome is whatever is best for my son, not my assumptions, expectations, or goals.

If I don't address this now it will only get worse and kindergarten seems a safe place to get this resolved.

I'm open to whatever you experienced parents can offer up as useful tips. TIA

You should realize that it is almost impossible to have a child repeat a year even if they have a diagnosis and an IEP. The teachers are telling you that your child needs an evaluation. Ask for one.

Is this entirely true? I understood that, if K at public didn't work out very well, that you could go to K at a private next year, and then re-enter at 1st the next year. Is that incorrect? Basically red-shirting, with a year of public K first and private K second, instead of the reverse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what does the teacher say?

He's in a dual language program and has two teachers. They each have expressed a shared frustration at his lack of follow through on the work. One teacher is more willing to work with him by having him sit next to her while he does the assignment, encourage him, etc. The other one just stated her fear that he would be left behind in first grade because they don't have time for any one-on-one. They both stated how smart he is and how clear it is that he is capable of doing the work.

You should ask his teachers if they think your child needs to be evaluated. I'm the poster with the older child in a dual language program and I will tell you that our school and teachers are pretty bad about telling parents about getting an evaluation. Basically, they drop a lot of hints but never ever come right out and say so. They do better if you ask right out.

They did use the words "distracted" and "distractions" often enough to grab my attention. I think they are prepping me to let him repeat the year. He is the youngest in his class, but so is my daughter and she is an absolute rock star. She demonstrates a maturity that her brother does not. I think I know where this is leading. Another year of kindergarten may be the answer.

I will have to start looking at this through a different lens. As the elder child, he's not the "baby" in the family. I expect him to lead, when I should allow him to just develop at his own pace. He's a truly great kid. Perhaps he's much more of a "baby" than I have been thinking? When he was three, I would delight in his intelligence and allow for his immaturity. He was a baby!! We were just having fun while learning! He's still wicked smart, playful, and naturally curious. If I put him back into the mindset I used to have (if that makes any sense!) the problem disappears. It's only when I expect him to be a disciplined, focused learner (all value laden terms!) that he (and I) fall short.

He has until the end of the year to either show me he's capable of making this change, or not. In the meantime, I'm still looking for practical tips on how to best support him.

1) Should I continue to try and wean him from one on one instruction or embrace this as a strategy?
2) How does a parent reduce a young learner's anxiety about completing a class assignment?
3) How do I separate his academic acumen from his emotional immaturity?
4) How do I take the pressure off while also letting him know how important it is that he do the work?

I welcome the insight and would really, really appreciate very practical ways of interacting with my son. A positive outcome is whatever is best for my son, not my assumptions, expectations, or goals.

If I don't address this now it will only get worse and kindergarten seems a safe place to get this resolved.

I'm open to whatever you experienced parents can offer up as useful tips. TIA

You should realize that it is almost impossible to have a child repeat a year even if they have a diagnosis and an IEP. The teachers are telling you that your child needs an evaluation. Ask for one.

Is this entirely true? I understood that, if K at public didn't work out very well, that you could go to K at a private next year, and then re-enter at 1st the next year. Is that incorrect? Basically red-shirting, with a year of public K first and private K second, instead of the reverse.

Yes, this is how people red-shirt by going from public to private and back to public bc public schools will not let you simply repeat a grade at the public school without a very good reason like an IEP.

[Anonymous]

OP, he needs more support than he's currently getting. This means MORE one-on-one work, not less. You can see a cognitive behavioral therapist for anxiety, but you are also going to need services in the classroom - that's where the IEP comes in. The kinds of supports my son has received have ranged from a paraprofessional who sits beside him in class and coaches him through the assignment, to checklists, to special folders and systems for papers, to modified assignments, laptop instead of paper and pencil, etc.

Lots of kids with these needs are plenty bright. But being bright isn't enough. You also need other skills, like organization and persistence, and some kids don't have the ability to develop these on their own without help. I would ask about an evaluation by your school and start there.

[Anonymous]

Or, maybe the teacher and school is not a good fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or, maybe the teacher and school is not a good fit.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, he needs more support than he's currently getting. This means MORE one-on-one work, not less. You can see a cognitive behavioral therapist for anxiety, but you are also going to need services in the classroom - that's where the IEP comes in. The kinds of supports my son has received have ranged from a paraprofessional who sits beside him in class and coaches him through the assignment, to checklists, to special folders and systems for papers, to modified assignments, laptop instead of paper and pencil, etc.

Lots of kids with these needs are plenty bright. But being bright isn't enough. You also need other skills, like organization and persistence, and some kids don't have the ability to develop these on their own without help. I would ask about an evaluation by your school and start there.

Seeing a CBT for a 5/6 yr old isn't going to work. They are simply too young to get much out of therapy. Your best bet is getting an evaluation and seeing what is causing the anxiety and going from there. You don't know what supports will work until you know the cause.

[Anonymous]

He is the youngest in his class, but so is my daughter and she is an absolute rock star. She demonstrates a maturity that her brother does not.

OP, When is his birthday?

[Anonymous]

Since you've asked for concrete examples, here is one. We have children who exhibit this type of classwork avoidance behavior in kindergarten at our school. Some of them have a positive behavior reinforcement card that they use to earn a reward that is tailored to them. They add a token (usually a small picture of something the child likes) to the chart for every positive step in behavior. An example might be: if he write his name on the paper, he gets a token; if he does the first question or activity, he gets another token, and so on, until he earns a predetermined number of tokens. At that point, he is allowed to do an activity of his choice, like ride a tricycle around the hall, or jump on the trampoline. Tasks to earn tokens and rewards change depending on behavior. It has not worked for everyone, but has worked very well for some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

He is the youngest in his class, but so is my daughter and she is an absolute rock star. She demonstrates a maturity that her brother does not.

OP, When is his birthday?

First week of September. Both of them, almost exactly two years apart to the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

He is the youngest in his class, but so is my daughter and she is an absolute rock star. She demonstrates a maturity that her brother does not.


OP, When is his birthday?

First week of September. Both of them, almost exactly two years apart to the day.

Bingo! Classic example of a child who is smart but not developmentally "ready"........signed K teacher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He is the youngest in his class, but so is my daughter and she is an absolute rock star. She demonstrates a maturity that her brother does not.


OP, When is his birthday?

First week of September. Both of them, almost exactly two years apart to the day.

Bingo! Classic example of a child who is smart but not developmentally "ready"........signed K teacher

Say more. I really need your perspective on this.