How do you develop a self-motivated child? A kindergartener who can work independently?

[Anonymous]

DS is capable of doing all class assignments. He knows the stuff. The problem is that he blanks out in class and just shuts down when papers are passed around and his classmates all get to work.

At the last parent/teacher meeting, I saw that the other kids had large stacks of in-class work that they'd completed. My son's "stack" was just a few pages. He really hasn't been doing the work, despite his command of the material.

I've been working on getting him to be more independent with homework assignments. I'll leave him to complete a page (five questions) while I check on something in the kitchen. He's been doing much better about not needing someone there with him to hover and facilitate each task.

This has NOT translated into better classwork however. I swing between heartbreak and tremendous anger. He knows the stuff. He has a strong mind. He simply refuses to participate. I am so afraid that 1) he's going to be labelled, and 2) he's going to be left behind the moment he enters first grade.

Please, please offer what tactics you've employed to encourage better classroom behavior and work habits in your little one.

[Anonymous]

My son is the same way and I see it as a maturity issue, not an academic issue. He's in second grade now and has made a lot of progress.

Please don't be angry or heartbroken over it. It's not a reflection of his inherent intelligence or indicative of success when he's older. Right now, the work may be boring, or too challenging. I'd just focus on working with the teacher to determine if she's ok with his progress and behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My son is the same way and I see it as a maturity issue, not an academic issue. He's in second grade now and has made a lot of progress.

Please don't be angry or heartbroken over it. It's not a reflection of his inherent intelligence or indicative of success when he's older. Right now, the work may be boring, or too challenging. I'd just focus on working with the teacher to determine if she's ok with his progress and behavior.

+1

OP, if you were writing about a 3rd or 4th grader, you would have much more cause for concern. Your child is in K.I.N.D.E.R.G.A.R.T.E.N. Despite the so-called academic advancements that are now expected in this grade, he is still only 5 or maybe 6 years old. Continue to work with the teacher and relax a little. Oh, and it's not a reflection on you.

[Anonymous]

Try to remember that he is in kindergarten. Instead of comparing the sizes of stacks of work, listen to his teachers. Did they say anything concerning during the conference? I think quality matters more than quantity here.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the perspective. I may be taking this to heart more than necessary. There is so much pressure! I feel like he's building a reputation with the teachers as a very bright boy who has poor classroom habits. I don't want him dismissed.

The thing is, school was a sanctuary for me. More toys, more attention, independence, belonging. I grew up in the typical, 70s, adult-focused household. I always did well in school, as was the expectation, but I also always had a good time there. I'm having a hard time with this little brainiac misbehaving like this. Simply refusing to do work? It's rude. It's not like him to be so contrary, especially when it relates to something he's so obviously good at.

I need to let go of my own baggage and focus on him. How do you instill work ethic?

It's so much easier to drill sight words! I'm failing him and I don't know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Remember OP you've got 18 childhood years to help him learn important life skills. He doesn't have to and wont act like a fully-formed adult for many years. I'm positive he's not the only kid like that in class. It might help to read up a bit on childhood development so you hear from an authoritative source that this truly falls in the range of normal.

I'm the PP with the similar second grader. He's doing so much better, it's amazing. He's coming into his own. Not perfect, but he's moving in the right direction. Chances are your son will too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks for the perspective. I may be taking this to heart more than necessary. There is so much pressure! I feel like he's building a reputation with the teachers as a very bright boy who has poor classroom habits. I don't want him dismissed.

The thing is, school was a sanctuary for me. More toys, more attention, independence, belonging. I grew up in the typical, 70s, adult-focused household. I always did well in school, as was the expectation, but I also always had a good time there. I'm having a hard time with this little brainiac misbehaving like this. Simply refusing to do work? It's rude. It's not like him to be so contrary, especially when it relates to something he's so obviously good at.

I need to let go of my own baggage and focus on him. How do you instill work ethic?

It's so much easier to drill sight words! I'm failing him and I don't know what to do.

A) He is not you.
B) He is not misbehaving. If he was you'd be posting "I have to have another Parent Teacher conference because my kid is misbehaving."
C) There is a difference between refusing to do work and having anxiety /fear/tough time concentrating/etc doing work. Have you considered any other options besides a conscious effort to not complete his work?
D) If you try to instill achievement too much he could build a fear of failure. Be sure you're not instilling achievement vs work ethic. Lots of studies being done on this these days.
E) Drilling anything with a 5-6 year old sounds like a bit much, especially if his school day is filled with worksheets, drilling, etc. Lots of opportunities to learn around the house in ways that don't feel like school.

What are his teachers saying? They'd be in the best position to say what he's doing instead of his work.

[Anonymous]

OP, if there are stacks of worksheets in that class, something is wrong with the program. Meanwhile, just how much homework does a K kid have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks for the perspective. I may be taking this to heart more than necessary. There is so much pressure! I feel like he's building a reputation with the teachers as a very bright boy who has poor classroom habits. I don't want him dismissed.

The thing is, school was a sanctuary for me. More toys, more attention, independence, belonging. I grew up in the typical, 70s, adult-focused household. I always did well in school, as was the expectation, but I also always had a good time there. I'm having a hard time with this little brainiac misbehaving like this. Simply refusing to do work? It's rude. It's not like him to be so contrary, especially when it relates to something he's so obviously good at.

I need to let go of my own baggage and focus on him. How do you instill work ethic?

It's so much easier to drill sight words! I'm failing him and I don't know what to do.

A) He is not you.
B) He is not misbehaving. If he was you'd be posting "I have to have another Parent Teacher conference because my kid is misbehaving."
C) There is a difference between refusing to do work and having anxiety /fear/tough time concentrating/etc doing work. Have you considered any other options besides a conscious effort to not complete his work?
D) If you try to instill achievement too much he could build a fear of failure. Be sure you're not instilling achievement vs work ethic. Lots of studies being done on this these days.
E) Drilling anything with a 5-6 year old sounds like a bit much, especially if his school day is filled with worksheets, drilling, etc. Lots of opportunities to learn around the house in ways that don't feel like school.

What are his teachers saying? They'd be in the best position to say what he's doing instead of his work.

You need to look into why your child is refusing to participate. You should get your child evaluated bc if it's a medical issue that's keeping him from participating then it's not going to resolve with maturity and you need to get him help like an IEP.

[Anonymous]

You need to look into why your child is refusing to participate. You should get your child evaluated bc if it's a medical issue that's keeping him from participating then it's not going to resolve with maturity and you need to get him help like an IEP.

Why? He is FIVE years old. He is in KINDERGARTEN. Mom says he is capable. Unless teacher says it is a problem, leave him alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if there are stacks of worksheets in that class, something is wrong with the program. Meanwhile, just how much homework does a K kid have?

+1

OP, how many worksheets did you do in K and 1st grade? How much homework did you bring home?

[Anonymous]

OP, there are always little children who love to crank out beautiful, colored in the lines, worksheets. That does not indicate intelligence. Work ethic? Maybe, maybe not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You need to look into why your child is refusing to participate. You should get your child evaluated bc if it's a medical issue that's keeping him from participating then it's not going to resolve with maturity and you need to get him help like an IEP.

Why? He is FIVE years old. He is in KINDERGARTEN. Mom says he is capable. Unless teacher says it is a problem, leave him alone.

Refusal to participate and/or engage in the classroom especially when a child is capable is a red flag for a whole slew of issues. Better to get a handle on it now rather than later. Obviously the OP thinks it's a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You need to look into why your child is refusing to participate. You should get your child evaluated bc if it's a medical issue that's keeping him from participating then it's not going to resolve with maturity and you need to get him help like an IEP.

Why? He is FIVE years old. He is in KINDERGARTEN. Mom says he is capable. Unless teacher says it is a problem, leave him alone.

Refusal to participate and/or engage in the classroom especially when a child is capable is a red flag for a whole slew of issues. Better to get a handle on it now rather than later. Obviously the OP thinks it's a problem.

She has not indicated that the teacher thinks there is a problem.

[Anonymous]

You have to try different things to figure out what works. My smart daughter never put in effort from K-5. Then she hit sixth grade and all of a sudden was a perfectionist hitting high honor roll and crying if she got an A-. Something in her brain just shifted.