s/o Would you date a 40 yr old who lives with her parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. There are many benefits of dating her. Especially if a man is looking for a more stable long term relationship. I would assume the following things about her -
1) She is a good mom and her parents provide childcare for her kids. This would actually allow a man to have her over at his place or go for late night dates without her being anxious to get back to her child. She would not incur babysitting costs when she is out with the man.
2) If she is doing this for financial reasons, it means that she is pragmatic about her money and is a saver. She values money and is not high maintenance.
3) She did not bring home dates to her house and did not get into casual hooking up because she had her parents and child in the same house. So, there is a great chance that she did not turn into the bimbo who sleeps with everyone once a divorce is final. She has her head screwed on right.
4) She has a support system in place, which means that the relationship can progress at an organic pace.

x2

x3 I'd be more inclined to date a 40 year old who lived with their parents who had children than one who lived with their parents and didn't have children (though of course, there can be reasons for that, too - caring for elderly parents, etc.) The child is what likely makes this a very sensible living arrangement.

[Anonymous]

Serious red flag. She's still a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. There are many benefits of dating her. Especially if a man is looking for a more stable long term relationship. I would assume the following things about her -
1) She is a good mom and her parents provide childcare for her kids. This would actually allow a man to have her over at his place or go for late night dates without her being anxious to get back to her child. She would not incur babysitting costs when she is out with the man.
2) If she is doing this for financial reasons, it means that she is pragmatic about her money and is a saver. She values money and is not high maintenance.
3) She did not bring home dates to her house and did not get into casual hooking up because she had her parents and child in the same house. So, there is a great chance that she did not turn into the bimbo who sleeps with everyone once a divorce is final. She has her head screwed on right.
4) She has a support system in place, which means that the relationship can progress at an organic pace.

All good points.
I would think the same for a single Dad.

Now a single person without kids, not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious red flag. She's still a child.

That's a ridiculous conclusion to jump to.
There are likely some very pragmatic reasons for the arrangement.
Feel it out.

[Anonymous]

If I got divorced or suddenly was widowed, I'd definitely consider moving in with my parents. We have a decent relationship and I would be a better parent with the support of my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I got divorced or suddenly was widowed, I'd definitely consider moving in with my parents. We have a decent relationship and I would be a better parent with the support of my family.

For 5 years?

[Anonymous]

If she didn't have a kid, it would be major. But it could be for financial or child care reasons. Her parents may be retired and help with their grandchild

[Anonymous]

Are the parents older? Any medical issues there? I am divorced mom in 40s with kids. I live on my own but am beginning to see that I will be the one of my siblings to move in and help my parents as they age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. There are many benefits of dating her. Especially if a man is looking for a more stable long term relationship. I would assume the following things about her -
1) She is a good mom and her parents provide childcare for her kids. This would actually allow a man to have her over at his place or go for late night dates without her being anxious to get back to her child. She would not incur babysitting costs when she is out with the man.
2) If she is doing this for financial reasons, it means that she is pragmatic about her money and is a saver. She values money and is not high maintenance.
3) She did not bring home dates to her house and did not get into casual hooking up because she had her parents and child in the same house. So, there is a great chance that she did not turn into the bimbo who sleeps with everyone once a divorce is final. She has her head screwed on right.
4) She has a support system in place, which means that the relationship can progress at an organic pace.

Right, cause I'm sure her dates had no house to go to. And we all know that a grown woman having any {gasp} casual sex after her divorce can't possibly have her head screwed on right. All acts of casual sex are only okay for men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I got divorced or suddenly was widowed, I'd definitely consider moving in with my parents. We have a decent relationship and I would be a better parent with the support of my family.

For 5 years?

+1. I think I would be concerned that the plan is to go from the parent's house to the next husband's house with no independence between the two. The other possibility is that she is tied to the parents so closely that any relationship is with her, the kids (which make sense) and the parents. Unless you have yearned for that type of closeness it could be difficult. I would move very cautiously, more of a yellow flag than a red flag.

I have to also admit that the expensive brand name car while going on the 5th year of living with parents would point to a possible incompatibility for me if really nice car comes ahead of financial independence of moving out or the things you don't see like retirement and saving for kids college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I got divorced or suddenly was widowed, I'd definitely consider moving in with my parents. We have a decent relationship and I would be a better parent with the support of my family.

I would move in with my parents under the same circumstances. That's actually a no brainer. If my children did not have a father in their lives, having the support of loving grandparents would be such a blessing. Quite frankly, my kids come before any man's opinion so those haters can just eat rocks.

[Anonymous]

Just be on the lookout for her spending lots of $$$ on luxury goods. The Mercedes, not a big deal, but a Mercedes + Coach handbags + Louboutin shoes + Legal Seafood as "slumming it" while dining out + not considering a movie/hanging out at your place as an acceptable date ever ... yeah, I'd run and I suspect that's why her ex ran.

[Anonymous]

I did date a woman - never married, no children - who lived with her parents for a few years in her late 30s-early 40s. I would say this is a red flag, though, particularly post-recession, multi-generational living is becoming more common again. I don't think it used to be all that uncommon. This woman was nice, but...was pretty gunshy (for no discernable reason) and not only were Mom & Dad kind of everpresent, but Jesus seemed to be along on dates as well.

Personally, I stopped living with either parent after I went off to college at 17, and I'd be homeless or live in a tent before I moved back in with them. But that's more a function of my specific relationship with them than of any general case.

I would see it as a yellow, or caution flag - I'd look long and hard at how enmeshed they are in her life and how emotionally independent she is. The car is a complete red herring, and has nothing to do with how successful she is. It's easy to be a nice used car when that's your only payment, even easier when mom & dad buy it for you.

I had a terrible, disastrous relationship with another woman (not the above) who didn't live with her parents and hadn't in years, but was deeply emotionally enmeshed - particularly with her crazy (literally, had a diagnosis) mother - and it was horrific. They were in every aspect of our lives.

[Anonymous]

It would depend on a lot of different things. What is her work situation? Does anyone in the family have health issues or work considerations that make these living arrangements particularly practical to all parties?

[Anonymous]

Anecdotally, my husbands ex wife moved back in with her parents after their divorce "to get on her feet." She's been there almost 8 years. It seems to be permanent at this point. She's also not seriously dated since the divorce, so read into that what you will. The interesting thing will be if she stays even after their child goes to college in 2 years.