s/o Would you date a 40 yr old who lives with her parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. There are many benefits of dating her. Especially if a man is looking for a more stable long term relationship. I would assume the following things about her -
1) She is a good mom and her parents provide childcare for her kids. This would actually allow a man to have her over at his place or go for late night dates without her being anxious to get back to her child. She would not incur babysitting costs when she is out with the man.
2) If she is doing this for financial reasons, it means that she is pragmatic about her money and is a saver. She values money and is not high maintenance.
3) She did not bring home dates to her house and did not get into casual hooking up because she had her parents and child in the same house. So, there is a great chance that she did not turn into the bimbo who sleeps with everyone once a divorce is final. She has her head screwed on right.
4) She has a support system in place, which means that the relationship can progress at an organic pace.

Right, cause I'm sure her dates had no house to go to. And we all know that a grown woman having any {gasp} casual sex after her divorce can't possibly have her head screwed on right. All acts of casual sex are only okay for men.

Casual sex is ok in my book. Irresponsible sexual behavior from men or women is not. I know a number of people who got divorced and immediately went to online dating sites with gusto. All the dates ended in some sort of sex that they regretted later on. When some time passed after their divorce they became more choosy in who they had sexual relations with.

Not saying happens with everyone, but happens with some men and women. So, give it a break. What was written above - holds true for both men and women. AND so I stand by in what I wrote that it depends on what kind of relationship you are looking for.

I don't understand the big deal about a man or woman going through a casual sex phase.

Well, it's a little different when you're older and have kids, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that it depends on why she's living with her parents. Is she in the basement drinking beer, smoking pot and playing video games? Is she her mamma's precious living Barbie doll who needs to be coddled? (little kid reasons)

Or is she in the process of getting in control of her finances and building a better tomorrow for herself and any children she might have. (grown lady reasons)

The Mercedes is a sign that she might not be in the process of "getting her finances in order." More like "getting her finances all to herself because mom and dad are paying mortgage, utilities, food and are free babysitters."

OP here. This is what I'm thinking. Her parents are in good health so it's not for those reasons. She does travel frequently and appears to live a pretty luxurious lifestyle. Ex has every other weekend visitation, and she appears to have a pretty active social life in which her parents are quite involved in caring for the child. Her words to me were "I have plenty of time to date when I'm not working". Granted, her parents live in a large home in a prestigious neighborhood and they seem to have a close relationship, but I still wonder if this is a red flag.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if it's a red flag. Shoot, my wife and I are considering moving back in with my father and step-mother to do the blended family thing. We're perfectly financially stable on our own, but it would get the kids into a better school system, improve commutes, and allow the kids to see their grandparents far more often. And yes, the available babysitting so my wife and I could have an occasional night out would be a plus.

Well, what if one of us got into a car accident and passed away? Suddenly, the other is a single parent of two children living with the grandparents. Point is, you have no idea why her situation is the way it is, I wouldn't head for the hills until you have a better idea.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are looking for reasons not to date her OP. So just don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you are looking for reasons not to date her OP. So just don't.

Agreed. She can surely find someone who is a good match. You are not a good match for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single mom and I live with my mom and dad. I am saving to buy a condo and can't save much if I rented an apt. Not everyone makes tons of money. I am a teacher and don't make much and my ex is always looking for creative ways not to pay child support.

That's a great reason to live with your parents. I still wouldn't date you until you were in a place of your own and more financially stable.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. There are many benefits of dating her. Especially if a man is looking for a more stable long term relationship. I would assume the following things about her -
1) She is a good mom and her parents provide childcare for her kids. This would actually allow a man to have her over at his place or go for late night dates without her being anxious to get back to her child. She would not incur babysitting costs when she is out with the man.
2) If she is doing this for financial reasons, it means that she is pragmatic about her money and is a saver. She values money and is not high maintenance.
3) She did not bring home dates to her house and did not get into casual hooking up because she had her parents and child in the same house. So, there is a great chance that she did not turn into the bimbo who sleeps with everyone once a divorce is final. She has her head screwed on right.
4) She has a support system in place, which means that the relationship can progress at an organic pace.

X1 million

Frankly, if she didn't have children and were living with her parents at 40, I'd be much more wary. But it could be a wonderful situation for her and her child to have the grandparents helping provide care.

[Anonymous]

My spouse and I are very financially stable and live with my mom. We have a Mercedes, too. It's a great situation to have three generations helping raising children. In our case, we financially support my mom. So you don't know what she is or isn't contributing.

[Anonymous]

NOPE

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I are very financially stable and live with my mom. We have a Mercedes, too. It's a great situation to have three generations helping raising children. In our case, we financially support my mom. So you don't know what she is or isn't contributing.

The question is about dating a single/divorced person who lives with both of her parents. You're a married person who lives with one parent and your spouse. It's a little different, you see. Though the point about having two generations raising children is the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. There are many benefits of dating her. Especially if a man is looking for a more stable long term relationship. I would assume the following things about her -
1) She is a good mom and her parents provide childcare for her kids. This would actually allow a man to have her over at his place or go for late night dates without her being anxious to get back to her child. She would not incur babysitting costs when she is out with the man.
2) If she is doing this for financial reasons, it means that she is pragmatic about her money and is a saver. She values money and is not high maintenance.
3) She did not bring home dates to her house and did not get into casual hooking up because she had her parents and child in the same house. So, there is a great chance that she did not turn into the bimbo who sleeps with everyone once a divorce is final. She has her head screwed on right.
4) She has a support system in place, which means that the relationship can progress at an organic pace.

We need more people like you in this area. Somebody that thinks before judging or being harsh. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single mom and I live with my mom and dad. I am saving to buy a condo and can't save much if I rented an apt. Not everyone makes tons of money. I am a teacher and don't make much and my ex is always looking for creative ways not to pay child support.

That's a great reason to live with your parents. I still wouldn't date you until you were in a place of your own and more financially stable.

That's fine. I have no desire to date people like you either. I love it when people agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single mom and I live with my mom and dad. I am saving to buy a condo and can't save much if I rented an apt. Not everyone makes tons of money. I am a teacher and don't make much and my ex is always looking for creative ways not to pay child support.

That's a great reason to live with your parents. I still wouldn't date you until you were in a place of your own and more financially stable.

Not PP, but... really? Is this what American men have been reduced to? This is kind of pathetic. Men should look for "pretty," not "financially stable." Women need "financially stable" Yes, I know, I know, not PC. But WTF?!

Most women wouldn't even look at a man who was living with his parents at 40, under any circumstances. Double standards are real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I got divorced or suddenly was widowed, I'd definitely consider moving in with my parents. We have a decent relationship and I would be a better parent with the support of my family.

For 5 years?

+1. I think I would be concerned that the plan is to go from the parent's house to the next husband's house with no independence between the two. The other possibility is that she is tied to the parents so closely that any relationship is with her, the kids (which make sense) and the parents. Unless you have yearned for that type of closeness it could be difficult. I would move very cautiously, more of a yellow flag than a red flag.

I have to also admit that the expensive brand name car while going on the 5th year of living with parents would point to a possible incompatibility for me if really nice car comes ahead of financial independence of moving out or the things you don't see like retirement and saving for kids college.

Why would you assume this? I drive an expensive 10-year-old car and will continue to drive it till if falls apart. Mercedes last forever. She could have easily had this pre-divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single mom and I live with my mom and dad. I am saving to buy a condo and can't save much if I rented an apt. Not everyone makes tons of money. I am a teacher and don't make much and my ex is always looking for creative ways not to pay child support.

That's a great reason to live with your parents. I still wouldn't date you until you were in a place of your own and more financially stable.

Not PP, but... really? Is this what American men have been reduced to? This is kind of pathetic. Men should look for "pretty," not "financially stable." Women need "financially stable" Yes, I know, I know, not PC. But WTF?!

Most women wouldn't even look at a man who was living with his parents at 40, under any circumstances. Double standards are real.

I'm teaching my sons the same thing. Don't date someone who lives with her parents and is over the age of 27 or so. She's a dependent child, not a grown ass adult. I want my sons to marry women who are smart, tough, and capable. I want them to marry women who know how to work hard and who will value the money that they or their husband earns and manage it carefully. I want them to know the value of a dollar and to live within their means. I want the future mothers of my grandchildren to be women who can take care of themselves and their kids if something happens to my sons.

Pretty is nice, but it fades.