Scary thoughts about kids at college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a sobering article. I think of some of parents at my kids 'top' private school who are constantly talking about their kids going to HYP, do or die. I don't even want to think about what goes on behind closed doors with their kids.

I also read the comments after the article. Though there were numerous psychological comments and one dissertation from a physician, the comment that carried the most weight with me said "I have always told my girls (from middle school and beyond) there is always a way out. You don't have to go back. Say the word and we can change it."

Wise words. I would also add that 'B' grades or even 'C' are not the end of the world. You will (not can) still be successful.

but the parents in the article were this way too, and it didn't help. The young lady in the article clearly had that opportunity and didn't want to take it.

According to the article, the dad talked with Madison about looking into transferring from Penn and the Lehigh coach suggested she talk to others about possibly making the transfer because "she should be happy." 30 minutes later, she was dead.

She should have been at Lehigh from the jump. Yes, hindsight is 20/20 but maybe others can learn from this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I loosened the reins in 12th grade - so they could screw up at home, before they went off to college and screwed up there where nobody would notice it.

This is why I insisted my kids call home once a week. This is why any time they invited me to come visit, I go. So if there are any warning signs, I'm around to see them.

This is actually fantastic advice. They need to experiment under your roof. Its the kids who a tightly controlled who go off the rails at college.

Perhaps, but irrelevant to this discussion: read the article.

Nothing is irrelevant to this discussion if it opens the eyes of even one parent or student reading this thread. Absolutely nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a sobering article. I think of some of parents at my kids 'top' private school who are constantly talking about their kids going to HYP, do or die. I don't even want to think about what goes on behind closed doors with their kids.

I also read the comments after the article. Though there were numerous psychological comments and one dissertation from a physician, the comment that carried the most weight with me said "I have always told my girls (from middle school and beyond) there is always a way out. You don't have to go back. Say the word and we can change it."

Wise words. I would also add that 'B' grades or even 'C' are not the end of the world. You will (not can) still be successful.

but the parents in the article were this way too, and it didn't help. The young lady in the article clearly had that opportunity and didn't want to take it.

The young lady in the article was a 3.5 student with a heavy extracurricular. When expectations are high all around you, it's hard to take an opportunity that although better for you personally could be perceived as giving up, letting people down.

My DC got 3 As and 2 B+ the final high school semester. Our reaction was as if he had discovered a cure for cancer. We made sure he knew that we knew he worked hard and did a spectacular job. No talk of getting the B+ to an A. He is strong in his preferred areas and we encourage that. We also encourage that he will do well no matter where he goes, and it's just as much about the passion he has for the subjects he loves. Being cajoled and nagged about A grades opens a door for discouragement and overt stress if those grades aren't realized.

?? There's no evidence in the article that anyone was cajoled or nagged about grades.

[Anonymous]

OMG. That article is so sad. What are the odds that she would run into the Lehigh coach before killing herself? He must do the "what ifs" in his head on a daily basis.

Thank you for posting OP. Eye opening for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a sobering article. I think of some of parents at my kids 'top' private school who are constantly talking about their kids going to HYP, do or die. I don't even want to think about what goes on behind closed doors with their kids.

I also read the comments after the article. Though there were numerous psychological comments and one dissertation from a physician, the comment that carried the most weight with me said "I have always told my girls (from middle school and beyond) there is always a way out. You don't have to go back. Say the word and we can change it."

Wise words. I would also add that 'B' grades or even 'C' are not the end of the world. You will (not can) still be successful.

but the parents in the article were this way too, and it didn't help. The young lady in the article clearly had that opportunity and didn't want to take it.

The young lady in the article was a 3.5 student with a heavy extracurricular. When expectations are high all around you, it's hard to take an opportunity that although better for you personally could be perceived as giving up, letting people down.

My DC got 3 As and 2 B+ the final high school semester. Our reaction was as if he had discovered a cure for cancer. We made sure he knew that we knew he worked hard and did a spectacular job. No talk of getting the B+ to an A. He is strong in his preferred areas and we encourage that. We also encourage that he will do well no matter where he goes, and it's just as much about the passion he has for the subjects he loves. Being cajoled and nagged about A grades opens a door for discouragement and overt stress if those grades aren't realized.

?? There's no evidence in the article that anyone was cajoled or nagged about grades.

PP here. My comment was general. My reference was not about young lady being cajoled. No doubt, though, there are so many kids who are leading to all kinds of depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG. That article is so sad. What are the odds that she would run into the Lehigh coach before killing herself? He must do the "what ifs" in his head on a daily basis.

Thank you for posting OP. Eye opening for sure.

I keep trying to figure out who to blame.
Maybe the counseling service where she saw an "intern."?
or the track coach who had two-a-days at Penn for christsakes?
or maybe no one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG. That article is so sad. What are the odds that she would run into the Lehigh coach before killing herself? He must do the "what ifs" in his head on a daily basis.

Thank you for posting OP. Eye opening for sure.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I loosened the reins in 12th grade - so they could screw up at home, before they went off to college and screwed up there where nobody would notice it.

This is why I insisted my kids call home once a week. This is why any time they invited me to come visit, I go. So if there are any warning signs, I'm around to see them.

This is actually fantastic advice. They need to experiment under your roof. Its the kids who a tightly controlled who go off the rails at college.

This advice is meaningless. What does it mean to "experiment?" What are we talking about? Having a job and other responsibilities while living at home? Doing drugs? What?

What does it mean to be "tightly controlled?" Can we quantify that?

Do you have any facts supporting your argument, or are you just stating your opinion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I loosened the reins in 12th grade - so they could screw up at home, before they went off to college and screwed up there where nobody would notice it.

This is why I insisted my kids call home once a week. This is why any time they invited me to come visit, I go. So if there are any warning signs, I'm around to see them.

This is actually fantastic advice. They need to experiment under your roof. Its the kids who a tightly controlled who go off the rails at college.

Perhaps, but irrelevant to this discussion: read the article.

Nothing is irrelevant to this discussion if it opens the eyes of even one parent or student reading this thread. Absolutely nothing.

+1. So true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I loosened the reins in 12th grade - so they could screw up at home, before they went off to college and screwed up there where nobody would notice it.

This is why I insisted my kids call home once a week. This is why any time they invited me to come visit, I go. So if there are any warning signs, I'm around to see them.

This is actually fantastic advice. They need to experiment under your roof. Its the kids who a tightly controlled who go off the rails at college.

Perhaps, but irrelevant to this discussion: read the article.

Nothing is irrelevant to this discussion if it opens the eyes of even one parent or student reading this thread. Absolutely nothing.

Actually, more than irrelevant to the discussion, I find those comments disingenuous, arrogant and dangerously misleading to parents or students reading this thread. Back to the point of this thread, if you think you have it figured out (by "loosening the rein" or whatever): read the article. Then maybe you'd understand why some of these deaths are so sad and sobering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. That article is so sad. What are the odds that she would run into the Lehigh coach before killing herself? He must do the "what ifs" in his head on a daily basis.

Thank you for posting OP. Eye opening for sure.

I keep trying to figure out who to blame.
Maybe the counseling service where she saw an "intern."?
or the track coach who had two-a-days at Penn for christsakes?
or maybe no one

Who to blame? If in the same position, I probably would have preferred Lehigh for my DD but certainly would have left that decision to her. If she chose Penn (even for the Ivy factor mostly), I certainly never would have expected her to make a decision to take her own life after her lifetime of good decision-making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I loosened the reins in 12th grade - so they could screw up at home, before they went off to college and screwed up there where nobody would notice it.

This is why I insisted my kids call home once a week. This is why any time they invited me to come visit, I go. So if there are any warning signs, I'm around to see them.

This is actually fantastic advice. They need to experiment under your roof. Its the kids who a tightly controlled who go off the rails at college.

This advice is meaningless. What does it mean to "experiment?" What are we talking about? Having a job and other responsibilities while living at home? Doing drugs? What?

What does it mean to be "tightly controlled?" Can we quantify that?

Do you have any facts supporting your argument, or are you just stating your opinion?

What is your problem? Anybody is entitled to an opinion, and I don't see anything faulty with offering a different point of view.

If this viewpoint keeps a possible suicidal student alive, why do you feel the advice is meaningless? No advice is meaningless if it accomplishes its goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I loosened the reins in 12th grade - so they could screw up at home, before they went off to college and screwed up there where nobody would notice it.

This is why I insisted my kids call home once a week. This is why any time they invited me to come visit, I go. So if there are any warning signs, I'm around to see them.

This is actually fantastic advice. They need to experiment under your roof. Its the kids who a tightly controlled who go off the rails at college.

Perhaps, but irrelevant to this discussion: read the article.

Nothing is irrelevant to this discussion if it opens the eyes of even one parent or student reading this thread. Absolutely nothing.

Actually, more than irrelevant to the discussion, I find those comments disingenuous, arrogant and dangerously misleading to parents or students reading this thread. Back to the point of this thread, if you think you have it figured out (by "loosening the rein" or whatever): read the article. Then maybe you'd understand why some of these deaths are so sad and sobering.

+1
the arrogance of some parents here who have "figured it all out" blows mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I loosened the reins in 12th grade - so they could screw up at home, before they went off to college and screwed up there where nobody would notice it.

This is why I insisted my kids call home once a week. This is why any time they invited me to come visit, I go. So if there are any warning signs, I'm around to see them.

This is actually fantastic advice. They need to experiment under your roof. Its the kids who a tightly controlled who go off the rails at college.

Perhaps, but irrelevant to this discussion: read the article.

Nothing is irrelevant to this discussion if it opens the eyes of even one parent or student reading this thread. Absolutely nothing.

Actually, more than irrelevant to the discussion, I find those comments disingenuous, arrogant and dangerously misleading to parents or students reading this thread. Back to the point of this thread, if you think you have it figured out (by "loosening the rein" or whatever): read the article. Then maybe you'd understand why some of these deaths are so sad and sobering.

What a sad, little person you are. Your way or no way.

If the discussion doesn't meet your criteria, maybe you should move on. When it comes to the life of someones kid who might be reading this thread, it is you who is dangerous and arrogant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I loosened the reins in 12th grade - so they could screw up at home, before they went off to college and screwed up there where nobody would notice it.

This is why I insisted my kids call home once a week. This is why any time they invited me to come visit, I go. So if there are any warning signs, I'm around to see them.

This is actually fantastic advice. They need to experiment under your roof. Its the kids who a tightly controlled who go off the rails at college.

Perhaps, but irrelevant to this discussion: read the article.

Nothing is irrelevant to this discussion if it opens the eyes of even one parent or student reading this thread. Absolutely nothing.

Actually, more than irrelevant to the discussion, I find those comments disingenuous, arrogant and dangerously misleading to parents or students reading this thread. Back to the point of this thread, if you think you have it figured out (by "loosening the rein" or whatever): read the article. Then maybe you'd understand why some of these deaths are so sad and sobering.

+1
the arrogance of some parents here who have "figured it all out" blows mind.

-1
the arrogance of some parents here who think their way of thought is the ultimate solution blows the mind.