Scary thoughts about kids at college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I loosened the reins in 12th grade - so they could screw up at home, before they went off to college and screwed up there where nobody would notice it.

This is why I insisted my kids call home once a week. This is why any time they invited me to come visit, I go. So if there are any warning signs, I'm around to see them.

sounds like a fool proof plan. clearly, nothing bad can happen to you.

Don't be a dick.

Not the pp you're disparaging but I agree that it's ridiculous to suggest that your kid won't commit suicide because you "loosened the reins." Great it worked for you but it's a sample of 1.

Why do you keep pushing this? Everyone else has moved on to more productive comments except two of you with the 'nothing bad can happen.' We all know there're no guarantees. Move on, will you?

That's at least three posters there. With you, that's 4 (unless you're also 1 or 2 or 3).

You just like keeping bull crap going. Your objective is plain to see. The best we can do is just to ignore you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been following this thread with interest and finally decided to post. As a parent of two college students, and as someone who works directly with college students with mental health problems (I'm a psychologist) there really is no easy answer, and I share the anxiety a lot of you feel about the pressures facing our kids in college today.

My older son lost a high school classmate freshman year to an overdrinking episode. If you had told me this boy would binge drink to the point of dying in his dorm room I would have never believed it. He was a great kid, likeable and intelligent. I knew his family, and they are lovely people. There were never any signs to them that their son was at risk. It was a tragedy. I can tell you about so many other kids who did the same thing as this boy but they were just lucky that nothing more severe than a massive hangover occurred the next day. Most lived to learn from their mistakes; this boy didn't get that chance. Why? I don't have a reason.

I work almost daily with college students experiencing thoughts of suicide and struggling with anxiety and depression. Some have made attempts, and many gave some sign to friends, a therapist, teacher or coach, and were hospitalized. Most, although certainly not all, recover and go one to better days in their lives. They learn to regulate their emotions better, to exercise self-compassion and not expect themselves to be perfect. They become more emotionally resilient. Others do not. Every college mental health professional has heart-breaking stories of kids who didn't make it. Fortunately suicide is still the great exception and not the normal outcome, but it happens.

As a parent I try my best to know what my kids are going through, to be involved in their internal worlds and their external lives. But I know they keep me in the dark about many of their private struggles. They know my husband and I are here to listen, but I've encouraged them to talk to someone else, including a therapist, if there are things they cannot discuss with us. I pray a lot. It is hard to let go, but I try my best to do it while providing a safe place to land if things get really tough. I think that's all we as parents can do.

Thanks for this. I've found this entire topic sobering.

Agreed. And nice to be back on topic. Hope it stays so.

Well that was short-lived. But still trying to keep things on topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I loosened the reins in 12th grade - so they could screw up at home, before they went off to college and screwed up there where nobody would notice it.

This is why I insisted my kids call home once a week. This is why any time they invited me to come visit, I go. So if there are any warning signs, I'm around to see them.

sounds like a fool proof plan. clearly, nothing bad can happen to you.

Don't be a dick.

Not the pp you're disparaging but I agree that it's ridiculous to suggest that your kid won't commit suicide because you "loosened the reins." Great it worked for you but it's a sample of 1.

Why do you keep pushing this? Everyone else has moved on to more productive comments except two of you with the 'nothing bad can happen.' We all know there're no guarantees. Move on, will you?

That's at least three posters there. With you, that's 4 (unless you're also 1 or 2 or 3).

You just like keeping bull crap going. Your objective is plain to see. The best we can do is just to ignore you.

NP here. Agreed. Enlightening post. I just jump over the nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College students believe that the work hard/party hard atmosphere of most colleges will make them happy. That is what all their peers are doing so they feel they should be happy. Binge drinking, casual sex, and drugs are all self destructive behaviors. They will only bring long term unhappiness. The culture at college is self destructive.

I was thinking back to 30 years ago when I was in college, and it was the same atmosphere....work hard/party hard. Sadly, nothing new under the sun.

PP again. I was contemplating what I would change if I could do it all over again. Of course, hindsight is 20/20 but I think I would pick a college environment that was smaller, calmer, more spiritually based (not necessarily religious), and less competitive. A place where I could learn for the sake and joy of learning. Of course, eventually having to step into the real, mean world.

I don't know if a different venue would have been an alternative to the work hard/party hard reality but it would've been interesting to see how different my perspectives and perceptions would be today. Guess, I'll never know.

[Anonymous]

College delays growing up. The party hard way of life is turning too many people into self indulging Peter Pans. When students are having real emotional problems at college they look around at their peers who are stressed out studying or are too drunk and high to walk. College has become a warped world and sets the stage for future self destruction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:College delays growing up. The party hard way of life is turning too many people into self indulging Peter Pans. When students are having real emotional problems at college they look around at their peers who are stressed out studying or are too drunk and high to walk. College has become a warped world and sets the stage for future self destruction.

That's a pretty big over-generalization there. It certainly doesn't describe the college-age kids I know.

Assuming you're not a troll (I really wonder about some recent posters): if you really think this, then online degrees or skipping college entirely is probably the way to go. Just don't expect that either of these options will get your kid a job and out of your basement.

[Anonymous]

The College Discussion forum goes downhill for the most part when it gets posts from Recent Topics rather than posters interested in College Discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The College Discussion forum goes downhill for the most part when it gets posts from Recent Topics rather than posters interested in College Discussion.

Ah, good point. You just convinced me why it's not worth responding to these drive-by shooting posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College delays growing up. The party hard way of life is turning too many people into self indulging Peter Pans. When students are having real emotional problems at college they look around at their peers who are stressed out studying or are too drunk and high to walk. College has become a warped world and sets the stage for future self destruction.

That's a pretty big over-generalization there. It certainly doesn't describe the college-age kids I know.

Assuming you're not a troll (I really wonder about some recent posters): if you really think this, then online degrees or skipping college entirely is probably the way to go. Just don't expect that either of these options will get your kid a job and out of your basement.

You had me with the fîrst sentence then because you didn't agree that was your license to insult and downright nasty. Totally unnecessary.

Whether you realize it or not, these kind of mean spirited remarks are the problem. You are a contributor. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College delays growing up. The party hard way of life is turning too many people into self indulging Peter Pans. When students are having real emotional problems at college they look around at their peers who are stressed out studying or are too drunk and high to walk. College has become a warped world and sets the stage for future self destruction.

That's a pretty big over-generalization there. It certainly doesn't describe the college-age kids I know.

Assuming you're not a troll (I really wonder about some recent posters): if you really think this, then online degrees or skipping college entirely is probably the way to go. Just don't expect that either of these options will get your kid a job and out of your basement.

You had me with the fîrst sentence then because you didn't agree that was your license to insult and downright nasty. Totally unnecessary.

Whether you realize it or not, these kind of mean spirited remarks are the problem. You are a contributor. Period.

C'mon, 1st PP is a troll. You, on the other hand, are engaged in some bizarre and angry game of insulting everyone for any possible reason. Whether it's their parenting or their writing, you're there waiting to be as censorious as possible. You just won't stop trying to beat everybody up! Please find a new hobby.

[Anonymous]

^^Not the poster but you've got to be kidding! 15:07 was pretty crass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College delays growing up. The party hard way of life is turning too many people into self indulging Peter Pans. When students are having real emotional problems at college they look around at their peers who are stressed out studying or are too drunk and high to walk. College has become a warped world and sets the stage for future self destruction.

That's a pretty big over-generalization there. It certainly doesn't describe the college-age kids I know.

Assuming you're not a troll (I really wonder about some recent posters): if you really think this, then online degrees or skipping college entirely is probably the way to go. Just don't expect that either of these options will get your kid a job and out of your basement.

You had me with the fîrst sentence then because you didn't agree that was your license to insult and downright nasty. Totally unnecessary.

Whether you realize it or not, these kind of mean spirited remarks are the problem. You are a contributor. Period.

C'mon, 1st PP is a troll. You, on the other hand, are engaged in some bizarre and angry game of insulting everyone for any possible reason. Whether it's their parenting or their writing, you're there waiting to be as censorious as possible. You just won't stop trying to beat everybody up! Please find a new hobby.

Back to Off Topics with you and take 15:07 with you. Goodness!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^Not the poster but you've got to be kidding! 15:07 was pretty crass.

1st PP is probably a troll, so I don't care if it was met with crassness. Look how successful the troll was, though - she's got you and me fighting over some 3rd poster's response to her trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^Not the poster but you've got to be kidding! 15:07 was pretty crass.

1st PP is probably a troll, so I don't care if it was met with crassness. Look how successful the troll was, though - she's got you and me fighting over some 3rd poster's response to her trolling.

Oh, no. We are most definitely not fighting. I'm moving on. The thread no longer interest me. Enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^Not the poster but you've got to be kidding! 15:07 was pretty crass.

1st PP is probably a troll, so I don't care if it was met with crassness. Look how successful the troll was, though - she's got you and me fighting over some 3rd poster's response to her trolling.

Oh, no. We are most definitely not fighting. I'm moving on. The thread no longer interest me. Enjoy.

Troll: 1
Regular posters: 0