How have you handled kid dumping

[Anonymous]

Just say no, OP. You don't owe her anything and if you're feeling that your generosity is being abused you need to speak up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just the fact that you referred to it as "kid dumping" tells me what kind of person you are.

Yes, OP, you should ask yourself what being part of a family means to you. The "kid" being "dumped" on you is part of your family, no? Are you an adult in their life, someone they can learn to count on to take care of them? Or not? Sad attitude. I speak as someone with no family help but I help others when they need it, no questions asked.

It's not a sad attitude to not want to be at someone else's beck and call for free child sitting services. Clearly you're one of the users. Being part of a family doesn't mean providing constant free services to them.

No, I am not "one of the users." If you had read my post, you would have seen that I said I have no help from family, but I help others when they need it, no questions asked.

There are plenty of families in this area that help each other out. i see them -- and I wish I had a family like that. That is how I am raising my kids -- to take care of each other, be there for each other. that's the rich family life I want for them when they grow up. It's not being used if it's mutually beneficial. Again, sad, sad way of looking at the meaning of family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just the fact that you referred to it as "kid dumping" tells me what kind of person you are.

The kind of person with her own life who shouldn't be on call to take care of someone else's kid that is dumped on them.


--NP, mother of two.

I agree that she shouldn't have to watch the kid if she doesn't want to. Her language is harsh though, and likely indicative of her personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just the fact that you referred to it as "kid dumping" tells me what kind of person you are.

Yes, OP, you should ask yourself what being part of a family means to you. The "kid" being "dumped" on you is part of your family, no? Are you an adult in their life, someone they can learn to count on to take care of them? Or not? Sad attitude. I speak as someone with no family help but I help others when they need it, no questions asked.

It's not a sad attitude to not want to be at someone else's beck and call for free child sitting services. Clearly you're one of the users. Being part of a family doesn't mean providing constant free services to them.

No, I am not "one of the users." If you had read my post, you would have seen that I said I have no help from family, but I help others when they need it, no questions asked.

There are plenty of families in this area that help each other out. i see them -- and I wish I had a family like that. That is how I am raising my kids -- to take care of each other, be there for each other. that's the rich family life I want for them when they grow up. It's not being used if it's mutually beneficial. Again, sad, sad way of looking at the meaning of family.

I did read your post. It must be so, then. You said it on the internet, so you help others when they need it. Got it.
Which part of OP's post was mutually beneficial?


THe part where her sister is using her for babysitting, right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just the fact that you referred to it as "kid dumping" tells me what kind of person you are.

The kind of person with her own life who shouldn't be on call to take care of someone else's kid that is dumped on them.


--NP, mother of two.

I agree that she shouldn't have to watch the kid if she doesn't want to. Her language is harsh though, and likely indicative of her personality.

It is a bit harsh. Might also be indicative not of her personality, but of disgust with the situation. We don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just the fact that you referred to it as "kid dumping" tells me what kind of person you are.

The kind of person with her own life who shouldn't be on call to take care of someone else's kid that is dumped on them.


--NP, mother of two.

This isn't "someone else's kid" -- it's her sibling and her niece or nephew. Her family.

so? the only people obligated to provide care for the child are the child's mother and father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just the fact that you referred to it as "kid dumping" tells me what kind of person you are.

The kind of person with her own life who shouldn't be on call to take care of someone else's kid that is dumped on them.


--NP, mother of two.

I agree that she shouldn't have to watch the kid if she doesn't want to. Her language is harsh though, and likely indicative of her personality.

It is a bit harsh. Might also be indicative not of her personality, but of disgust with the situation. We don't know.

Op here, I guess one can assume I'm a 'harsh' person... But being asked every week to take care of Larla because 'my BFF's dc has his first well baby and I want to attend with her' or 'DH wants to go to the gym and I have a doctors apt' is really not a reason for me to check with my boss if I can take off and drive the 30 minutes to her house to be available...

So yes, I guess I am using harsh language because I am 'disgusted'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just the fact that you referred to it as "kid dumping" tells me what kind of person you are.

Yes, OP, you should ask yourself what being part of a family means to you. The "kid" being "dumped" on you is part of your family, no? Are you an adult in their life, someone they can learn to count on to take care of them? Or not? Sad attitude. I speak as someone with no family help but I help others when they need it, no questions asked.

It's not a sad attitude to not want to be at someone else's beck and call for free child sitting services. Clearly you're one of the users. Being part of a family doesn't mean providing constant free services to them.

No, I am not "one of the users." If you had read my post, you would have seen that I said I have no help from family, but I help others when they need it, no questions asked.

There are plenty of families in this area that help each other out. i see them -- and I wish I had a family like that. That is how I am raising my kids -- to take care of each other, be there for each other. that's the rich family life I want for them when they grow up. It's not being used if it's mutually beneficial. Again, sad, sad way of looking at the meaning of family.

I did read your post. It must be so, then. You said it on the internet, so you help others when they need it. Got it.
Which part of OP's post was mutually beneficial?


THe part where her sister is using her for babysitting, right.

What is the point of posting on a public forum if your assumption is that people are lying? You sound nicer and nicer with each post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just the fact that you referred to it as "kid dumping" tells me what kind of person you are.

The kind of person with her own life who shouldn't be on call to take care of someone else's kid that is dumped on them.


--NP, mother of two.

+1000000

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you need to tell your sister: "I love you, I love little Larla, and I'm glad to spend time with you. The thing is, I am just not available during the work week for babysitting. I'm sorry if I ever gave that impression, but you are asking me almost every week, and it is just too much for me right now. I'd be happy to hang out with Larla once a month or so for a couple hours on a weekend so you can go get something accomplished, but I just can't be your go-to weekday babysitter."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say no, OP. You don't owe her anything and if you're feeling that your generosity is being abused you need to speak up.

Agree with this. I have a sibling & SIL that are like this (or were like this until I stopped). It's one thing if people are considerate of each other and help/support each other. But if this is one-way with your sister, and you don't want to continue, then assert yourself. Just stop. Just be honest. No need to provide excuses. Say that while you live your niece/nephew, that you feel like it's getting to be a bit much and you need your sister to find different help.

Some people are takers and users and will continue to do so, and expect it, until you make your own needs explicitly clear with boundaries. Set them. Sometimes they are most needed in families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just the fact that you referred to it as "kid dumping" tells me what kind of person you are.

The kind of person with her own life who shouldn't be on call to take care of someone else's kid that is dumped on them.


--NP, mother of two.

This isn't "someone else's kid" -- it's her sibling and her niece or nephew. Her family.

And? The aunt didn't make any decisions with regards to having a child. That responsibility falls solely on the parents. You should never expect other people to pick up after you, or take care of your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say no, OP. You don't owe her anything and if you're feeling that your generosity is being abused you need to speak up.

Agree with this. I have a sibling & SIL that are like this (or were like this until I stopped). It's one thing if people are considerate of each other and help/support each other. But if this is one-way with your sister, and you don't want to continue, then assert yourself. Just stop. Just be honest. No need to provide excuses. Say that while you live your niece/nephew, that you feel like it's getting to be a bit much and you need your sister to find different help.

Some people are takers and users and will continue to do so, and expect it, until you make your own needs explicitly clear with boundaries. Set them. Sometimes they are most needed in families.

Some people are just users. Even sisters.

My sister did it to me until I put a stop to it. Then she turned around and did the same thing again with her second child. This is a perfect time to practice assertiveness. Be firm but don't come across like you're judging.

Also don't do what I did. I kept saying yes until I felt so used and disrespected that I lost my temper. I should have spoken up when it first became a problem rather than letting it slide until I got angry.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here- People try to dump their kids on me all the time. All. The. Time. It's sad because now I just have to say no All. The. Time because people take advantage. Now I won't babysit for anyone unless they're my employer. I have a life and just because I have free time, it doesn't mean I want to watch your kids!!

[Anonymous]

OP, those examples are ridiculous. I don't blame you for feeling disgusted. Just keep saying no and explaining that a flex schedule still means you have to work during core hours unless there is a reason your boss will find compelling. Explain the parameters of when you are available, and how frequently, and then kept working on the boundaries as you go forward.

Just curious: are you included in routine family things by your sister, like ordinary family dinner or zoo outings or whatever? Does your sister see you as kind of a third parent, or more like a babysitter?