How have you handled kid dumping

[Anonymous]

Wow- the entitlement is strong with some posters here. Op- your not wrong to feel how you do about the situation. The way your sister is going about this to me completely justifies the terminology you used. I would start either using the word no as a complete sentence, or, if your still happy to help let her know your hourly babysitting rate. Your sister is using you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just the fact that you referred to it as "kid dumping" tells me what kind of person you are.

The kind of person with her own life who shouldn't be on call to take care of someone else's kid that is dumped on them.


--NP, mother of two.

This isn't "someone else's kid" -- it's her sibling and her niece or nephew. Her family.

Are you fucking kidding me? I am not part of the village that will be raising my sister's kid. I am happy to babysit occasionally, but I am not backup care when Her DH wants to go to the gym, for God's sake.

Do you really think your siblings owe you child care? Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just the fact that you referred to it as "kid dumping" tells me what kind of person you are.

Yes, OP, you should ask yourself what being part of a family means to you. The "kid" being "dumped" on you is part of your family, no? Are you an adult in their life, someone they can learn to count on to take care of them? Or not? Sad attitude. I speak as someone with no family help but I help others when they need it, no questions asked.

Come on. Why should OP provide free child care when ever her sister wants it?

[Anonymous]

I don't understand. Barring emergencies and perhaps once in a while situations, why do some people feel that it's ok to make (or guilt, or expect) siblings and other families to care for YOUR children?

It's one thing in a "hey, that's what family does, they help each other out" sort of situation. But that necessitates some kind of exchange or reciprocity or something. Mutual give & take. Some kind of agreed arrangement where BOTH help each other. "helping family" isn't something where sister expects family member to basically be on call whenever she needs/wants it. Your kids, your responsibility - you (parents of a child) should have thought about it before you had your children.

[Anonymous]

'If I wanted to take care of a kid, I would have had one.'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. Barring emergencies and perhaps once in a while situations, why do some people feel that it's ok to make (or guilt, or expect) siblings and other families to care for YOUR children?

It's one thing in a "hey, that's what family does, they help each other out" sort of situation. But that necessitates some kind of exchange or reciprocity or something. Mutual give & take. Some kind of agreed arrangement where BOTH help each other. "helping family" isn't something where sister expects family member to basically be on call whenever she needs/wants it. Your kids, your responsibility - you (parents of a child) should have thought about it before you had your children.

They are the same people who expect that their children, when grown, will build them an in-law suite complete with a throne and housekeeping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just the fact that you referred to it as "kid dumping" tells me what kind of person you are.

Yes, OP, you should ask yourself what being part of a family means to you. The "kid" being "dumped" on you is part of your family, no? Are you an adult in their life, someone they can learn to count on to take care of them? Or not? Sad attitude. I speak as someone with no family help but I help others when they need it, no questions asked.

Perhaps you will win a Nobel prize for altruism. I take care of my kids and expect other people to take care of their kids. Too many people take advantage and dump their kids as often as they can. I am not the OP.

[Anonymous]

Let her phone calls go to voicemail. Wait before reading her texts. Have other plans and apppointments. In other words, be unavailable. She'll get the message.

[Anonymous]

I seriously doubt most people IRL live with such cold feelings about their family members. At least I hope that's true. Seriously, glad I am not part of your families. I am the PP who is raising my kids to need each other and take care of each other -- the exact opposite of the way most PPs on this thread view family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I seriously doubt most people IRL live with such cold feelings about their family members. At least I hope that's true. Seriously, glad I am not part of your families. I am the PP who is raising my kids to need each other and take care of each other -- the exact opposite of the way most PPs on this thread view family.

There is helping each other, and there is taking advantage. OP's sister is clearly over the line.

[Anonymous]

I'm a mom with a sibling who doesn't have kids and I would never do what OP's sister does. And my sib loves my kid and thinks she's a riot. But I respect that he has a life of his own and that nobody owes me free childcare. I think "kid dumping" is the accurate phrase when it entails a parents presumptuously dropping a kid off (or trying to) without asking nicely, in advance, if it's OK. If I need to ask friends or family to babysit, I ask nicely with plenty of warning, and not very often, and I bring a thank you gift (wine, a cookie from a good bakery, something like that). Even among close friends and family, I think it is always best to treat these occasions like what they are: favors. Not obligations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I seriously doubt most people IRL live with such cold feelings about their family members. At least I hope that's true. Seriously, glad I am not part of your families. I am the PP who is raising my kids to need each other and take care of each other -- the exact opposite of the way most PPs on this thread view family.

If people have such feelings it is because their kindness and generosity was taken for granted and abused by the family member doing the "dumping". It by no means extends to other members of the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I seriously doubt most people IRL live with such cold feelings about their family members. At least I hope that's true. Seriously, glad I am not part of your families. I am the PP who is raising my kids to need each other and take care of each other -- the exact opposite of the way most PPs on this thread view family.

There is helping each other, and there is taking advantage. OP's sister is clearly over the line.

+1

I'm another one who had family take advantage. When it came to returning the help after giving loads of free childcare (and then some), coincidentally my sister ALWAYS had something else come up, or had to cancel, or forgot, or something more important to do - than giving me a little back.

I'm all for family helping each other. But it's gotta go both ways. I don't understand how one can take advantage of family, and feel ok with themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I seriously doubt most people IRL live with such cold feelings about their family members. At least I hope that's true. Seriously, glad I am not part of your families. I am the PP who is raising my kids to need each other and take care of each other -- the exact opposite of the way most PPs on this thread view family.

You are raising your kids to either take advantage or be taken advantage of.

Raise them to respect their own time and the time of others. Respectful relationships don't involve pushing your responsibilities onto your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I seriously doubt most people IRL live with such cold feelings about their family members. At least I hope that's true. Seriously, glad I am not part of your families. I am the PP who is raising my kids to need each other and take care of each other -- the exact opposite of the way most PPs on this thread view family.

You are raising your kids to either take advantage or be taken advantage of.

Raise them to respect their own time and the time of others. Respectful relationships don't involve pushing your responsibilities onto your family.

Just wait until there are in-laws involved. You are oversimplifying human relationships.