Don't eat that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The issue at the heart of this is that when I was younger I was very lucky and made alot of money. Not 8 digits but netted mid 7 digits. We both come from what you could call nothing. As the DW, she benefited from early wealth, stayed home, no pressure to work, nice SUV, nice home. Well, went out on my own and got my ass kicked by financial crisis. She had to go back to work in her mid-late 40's to help us survive. She is pissed. I am slowly growing a business, and to build anything is hard. I am not yet 50, I can see how I will hit my business will hit its stride in my fifties and will grow to mid 7 digits with 15-20% margins. So, when most guys I know are worried about getting laid off, I will have built a nice business. Problem is she has no faith in me. She see's challenges that we experienced during financial crisis and takes me as a failure. I'm like hey shoe me anyone else that we grew up with that has had my success, and that I will be successful again. But, she has no risk tolerance, liked the fact that she stayed home, heck even before we had kids in her mid 30's she stayed home. Sounds sexist, but I think she got spoiled. Life has its ups and downs. So, that's definitely part of it. But, for better or worse. I think it is harder on women in affluent communities - the women are harder on each other and more competitive. Sure, there are things that my kids have had to go without, but perhaps that will give them drive to compete in the world. I know it gave me drive.

You made your bed.

You pick this type of woman and now you are stuck with the REAL person you married, which is a shallow, selfish, freeloading bitch. She is completely ungrateful for the life she had and does not realize that life is full of peaks and valleys. God damn, I cook for my family and call it sexist, but I treat my DH like a king, no way in HELL would I tell him to eat something else or get off the sofa. There have been times that I've poorly planned dinner and I ended up making an excuse for not eating so my family could eat and for that my DH only needs to bring home six figures and I meet him with another six.

I bet if she were not a washed up middle aged woman, she would dump your ass for a bigger payday. For all the money you figured out how to make, you did not seem to have a dime of common sense when it came to picking a mate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aren't dad's supposed to get the big piece of chicken?

Your wife has it all backwards... But if your kids are teens and she does not work see may not be coping well with the impending empty nest syndrome.

Sorry missed the part that she is bitter because she works.

[Anonymous]

I think there's a LOT going on here. I wonder how much you did to help get Easter on the table. Was she doing the dishes and cleaning up while you took your nap? I'm not saying she's right, I'm saying I wonder what's her side of the story. You feel like a victim here, but maybe she has a different point of view. Maybe she puts her kids first, you second, and herself LAST and she's sick of it?

Marriage counseling. You guys need to communicate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, there is an awful lot going on there OP. I'm sorry. I can see how your original post is just sort of a metaphor for everything else. I don't see things getting better for you based on what you posted without therapy. I can't imagine how she'll treat you after the kids are out of the house and she doesn't have them to "hide" behind.

The irony is when my business becomes successful, and our friends husbands start to get laid off in their fifties she may see that while life has been challenging it may have all worked out. Yes, my sense is that we will live like roommates after the kids are gone, or get divorced. I get angry because I see all the challenges my folks have dealt with, the challenges others deal with, the fact that gratitude is necessary in life. So, we have bad times, bad times don't last. But my fear/sadness is that by the times the bad times are over, the love will be gone. Its partly my fault as I am willing to take risks and I realize now my wife does not like risks. She should have married a civil servant, with a very stable job. But she is also very materialistic and she wants what she wants. As do I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, there is an awful lot going on there OP. I'm sorry. I can see how your original post is just sort of a metaphor for everything else. I don't see things getting better for you based on what you posted without therapy. I can't imagine how she'll treat you after the kids are out of the house and she doesn't have them to "hide" behind.

The irony is when my business becomes successful, and our friends husbands start to get laid off in their fifties she may see that while life has been challenging it may have all worked out. Yes, my sense is that we will live like roommates after the kids are gone, or get divorced. I get angry because I see all the challenges my folks have dealt with, the challenges others deal with, the fact that gratitude is necessary in life. So, we have bad times, bad times don't last. But my fear/sadness is that by the times the bad times are over, the love will be gone. Its partly my fault as I am willing to take risks and I realize now my wife does not like risks. She should have married a civil servant, with a very stable job. But she is also very materialistic and she wants what she wants. As do I.

Um, then she should have made a choice to control her own destiny and get educated and put that education to work.

Look like you are OK being married to someone who only loves you when you can support her lifestyle and if you can bring in the coin again, you will be OK with the fact that you have been used and played.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a LOT going on here. I wonder how much you did to help get Easter on the table. Was she doing the dishes and cleaning up while you took your nap? I'm not saying she's right, I'm saying I wonder what's her side of the story. You feel like a victim here, but maybe she has a different point of view. Maybe she puts her kids first, you second, and herself LAST and she's sick of it?

Marriage counseling. You guys need to communicate.

I am no angel no doubt. But she was short a view items for dinner. She asked once, no problem, ran to the store to get items. she was cooking in the kitchen with her mom so stayed away. Went into FR with her brother. Kids helped clean up, and even if they didn't it was going to be her and her Mom in the kitchen afterward. So, in this case, I feel like I was not a selfish partner. But I am not saying that I am not to blame - heck anybody who has been married knows your are both to blame on multiple fronts...

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your DW has it backwards. In our home, DH gets first dibs, the best cut of meat, the largest portion, the best seat in the house, etc. We treat him like the king of his castle and in return he treats me like a queen. I know, gag, but it's true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a LOT going on here. I wonder how much you did to help get Easter on the table. Was she doing the dishes and cleaning up while you took your nap? I'm not saying she's right, I'm saying I wonder what's her side of the story. You feel like a victim here, but maybe she has a different point of view. Maybe she puts her kids first, you second, and herself LAST and she's sick of it?

Marriage counseling. You guys need to communicate.

I am no angel no doubt. But she was short a view items for dinner. She asked once, no problem, ran to the store to get items. she was cooking in the kitchen with her mom so stayed away. Went into FR with her brother. Kids helped clean up, and even if they didn't it was going to be her and her Mom in the kitchen afterward. So, in this case, I feel like I was not a selfish partner. But I am not saying that I am not to blame - heck anybody who has been married knows your are both to blame on multiple fronts...

Regardless of any of that, no one should be told they can't eat something in their own house. That's just disrespectful on so many levels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a LOT going on here. I wonder how much you did to help get Easter on the table. Was she doing the dishes and cleaning up while you took your nap? I'm not saying she's right, I'm saying I wonder what's her side of the story. You feel like a victim here, but maybe she has a different point of view. Maybe she puts her kids first, you second, and herself LAST and she's sick of it?

Marriage counseling. You guys need to communicate.

Oh good grief, here we go with the woman is always right (and a victim) and the man is always wrong. You show up in pretty much every thread a man posts to make sure that you spout your misandry.

[Anonymous]

Man I would have eaten as much of that fucking pie as I wanted right from the pan, and thrown the rest in the trash, looking her in the eyes the whole time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man I would have eaten as much of that fucking pie as I wanted right from the pan, and thrown the rest in the trash, looking her in the eyes the whole time.

That would have been the sexy thing to do.

[Anonymous]

I have to admit, part of my parenting philosophy is that parents sacrifice for their kids. So if there's not enough dinner to go around, I'd feed the kids first, & expect my husband & I to eat something else. Likewise, if it's chilly outside, I'll give my kid my hoody & let myself be cold.

It might be an issue of disrespect, but it also might be a difference in how you & your wife view the responsibilities of parenting.

[Anonymous]

I know women like your wife.

I think your wife also eats the leftovers. She also inconveniences herself so that the kids are not inconvenienced. She feels that if parents put themselves first then they are not being good parents. Her idea of parenthood is to be self-sacrificing. AND maybe she is angry with you because she feels that you do not put the kids first when you do not want to put yourself last.

I think what you need to let her know is that -
1) Your kids will not be equipped to handle the world if they are never inconvenienced.
2)Your kids will not know what a good relationship is if their parents do not have one.
3) Your kids will not know how to minimize conflict if they do not know how to share (divide the damn pie in equal parts so that everyone gets a piece).
4) Your kids will not know how to pull their weight if only mom makes the Easter feast and everyone just says a "thank you". How old are your kids? 2? AND maybe some of her feeling that you do not put the family first is valid if you took a snooze and she slaved.

Just saying.
5)

[Anonymous]

Do you like carrot cake? Did you know your kids don't like carrot cake? When I'm choosing food, unless I have a real craving, I'll keep in mind what everyone else enjoys and might want as a leftover. My husband and kids do the same. It's just normal for us. Not that you both don't have problems, but maybe in this case she was just wanting you to have the dessert that wouldn't be eaten by the kids as leftovers. I can see my DH saying something like that to me if he cooked something one of our kids really loved and he wanted to have extra for leftovers. And I could see myself saying the same to him. Of course if she knows you hate carrot cake, and really love her pie, then that would be a different story.

Also, it seems she put effort into making a nice dinner with two desserts (with your help going to the store in the middle). Do you think she was frustrated that you fell asleep and then missed part of the meal?

I'm also not sure what you meant when you say you were a hard ass when you were younger. I also think that you seem pretty sure that your business venture will take off, especially when you describe its impending growth as a "when" not "if" situation. Maybe you're right that she is much more risk adverse than you are. I'm not sure that's a bad thing, though, and perhaps you could balance each other out in tha regard if you're able to start communicating more directly about your concerns and fears.

I hope things improve for you both and for your marriage and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So buy and make your own food.

OP here - doesn't really sounds like a solution to living together as a loving family ?

Does not sound it is a loving family anyway, but I agree with you, buying your own food is passive aggressive.