Don't eat that

[Anonymous]

You both have a communication issue. Instead of communicating your frustration with her, you blew up over pie on Easter, so you look like the jerk.

You also keep talking about your job and how eventually it will pay off. I hope you are right, but you don't know that. Did you discuss starting a business with your wife and LISTEN to her objections?

You both need to work on your communication. All this other stuff is because you are both angry about something else and feeling resentful. That anger and resentment is presenting itself in other ways.

[Anonymous]

I think the "eat leftovers, there's not enough" issue is probably a function of having teenagers in the house. No matter how much you cook, meal plan, etc - they can be a black hole and just devour a week's worth of food in a single day. So I'm guessing that plays a big role in your wife's anxieties about whether the kids will have enough and not wanting you to eat what items will satisfy them.

Also, since no one else seemed to pick up on this - OP, do you have a food problem? Are you the kind of guy who seeing a half eaten pie, will cut himself a slice, serve it on a plate, eat it, pack the rest away and be done? Or will you take the whole pie dish, grab a fork, and plow through it mindlessly while sitting in front of the TV and before you even realize it, have polished off the entire half pie that was meant to serve as leftovers for the next 2-3 days? If you're the former, then I sympathize with you and think your eating shouldn't be policed, but if you're the later, your wife really has no choice but to direct your grown adult "black hole" behaviors that you never grew out of and she's not denying you love when she does. She's trying to maintain some semblance of order and it would be nice if you could get on board.

[Anonymous]

Grow a pair and put your wife in her place already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh. Im with DW on this. Its not the end of the world if you eat the pie but honestly if the kids prefer the pie why not eat the cake. Its not like you didn't have another option and you did sleep through desert. Did you consider that perhaps she too wants the pie but has left it for the kids. I guess in my mind my kids will always come first before DH and myself. Its not that you are a an after thought its just that you are an adult, husband and father all these things come after children. It will never end, the kids will always come first only until they have children of their own in which case you (and your wife) will fall farther down the pole. Sorry. Its just how it goes.

I read it as the kids and presumably everyone but OP had already had their pick of desserts, and DW wanted him to eat the carrot cake in case they wanted more pie later. F that. What's he supposed to do, wait till everyone else has seconds? Thirds? He's already not getting laid, might as well have some apple pie.

Hilariously well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh. Im with DW on this. Its not the end of the world if you eat the pie but honestly if the kids prefer the pie why not eat the cake. Its not like you didn't have another option and you did sleep through desert. Did you consider that perhaps she too wants the pie but has left it for the kids. I guess in my mind my kids will always come first before DH and myself. Its not that you are a an after thought its just that you are an adult, husband and father all these things come after children. It will never end, the kids will always come first only until they have children of their own in which case you (and your wife) will fall farther down the pole. Sorry. Its just how it goes.

In your world.

My marriage comes first and my kids greatly benefit from having parents who are still in love modeling a healthy relationship.

Good luck with that. I bet sex in your house can be measured in leap years.

Why are you so sour? Actually we have a great sex life thank you and a better than average marriage. I also think that stating, "your marriage comes first" is selfish. Your family, including your spouse, should come first and within that structure there are priorities. My children are still young so perhaps this changes but they come first and always will. This does not mean that my relationship with my husband has to suffer. I would hope that he would say the same about his relationship with me. Would you say this if you re-married? Would you want your spouse to adopt this position if he remarried? A happy marriage and putting children as a priority in a family environment do not have to be mutually exclusive.

I just think OP sounds like a brat. He slept through a portion of a family meal then gets upset because his wife, who is probably pissed at his general self-centered attitude. This is exhibited by OP getting so upset that he couldn't have it that he came to DCUM to complain about it. He had another option, he doesn't say apple pie is his favorite or a tradition he likes to keep. This whole post isn't about pie its about DW's passive aggressive resentment to OP's selfishness and he's even mad at his kids. Next time OP, if you want the pie so badly join the family for desert and take your nap after you help clean up!

Your post screams out sexless passionless marriage. I bed your DH is just about castrated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So buy and make your own food.

OP here - doesn't really sounds like a solution to living together as a loving family ?

Does not sound it is a loving family anyway, but I agree with you, buying your own food is passive aggressive.

Just sounds like you are counting on your wife to cook everything for you. Maybe she cooks a balanced amount so everyone gets some and you expect to eat whatever you want. If you want to eat whatever you want, buy and cook it yourself.

[Anonymous]

Grow a pair and divorce the bitch before you start making real money (which she'll grab) and the kids get even more fucked up!

[Anonymous]

Another DCUM sexless marriage. What else is new?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh. Im with DW on this. Its not the end of the world if you eat the pie but honestly if the kids prefer the pie why not eat the cake. Its not like you didn't have another option and you did sleep through desert. Did you consider that perhaps she too wants the pie but has left it for the kids. I guess in my mind my kids will always come first before DH and myself. Its not that you are a an after thought its just that you are an adult, husband and father all these things come after children. It will never end, the kids will always come first only until they have children of their own in which case you (and your wife) will fall farther down the pole. Sorry. Its just how it goes.

Insane!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a LOT going on here. I wonder how much you did to help get Easter on the table. Was she doing the dishes and cleaning up while you took your nap? I'm not saying she's right, I'm saying I wonder what's her side of the story. You feel like a victim here, but maybe she has a different point of view. Maybe she puts her kids first, you second, and herself LAST and she's sick of it?

Marriage counseling. You guys need to communicate.

Oh good grief, here we go with the woman is always right (and a victim) and the man is always wrong. You show up in pretty much every thread a man posts to make sure that you spout your misandry.

First of all, I rarely respond to these types of posts, I was bored and stuck somewhere the other day, which is why I meandered into this one. So my post above was not a repeat offender post. Second, I explicitly said "I'm not saying she's right" because I wasn't there, how could I know who was right? I don't know, but there's always another side to the story and it's worth considering.

Op--even if your DW and her mom always clean up and shoo you away, try offering sincerely. Instead of getting defensive immediately, ask her what's going through her head about the pie.
My kids are younger but my dh and I always sort of save the best for the kids. It's mutual, though. And if he wanted pie I wouldn't tell him he couldn't. That's why I think marriage counseling could help--communication is key key key to a good marriage.

[Anonymous]

OP -
Everyone knows you're entitled to the big piece of chicken!
Handle that.

Signed,
A DW that sympathizes

Chris Rock: The Real Daddys
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOPPjDUV1lo&feature=kp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man I would have eaten as much of that fucking pie as I wanted right from the pan, and thrown the rest in the trash, looking her in the eyes the whole time.

This!
No psycho babble, counseling or not, will save your marriage. This, however, might!

[Anonymous]

Pp here. I grew up in a similar family dynamic. Dad was a loser though, in his job and all. But man did I wish he did something like the quoted poster suggested.
We the kids turned out fine, not spoiled, but I do have issues with choosing my men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The issue at the heart of this is that when I was younger I was very lucky and made alot of money. Not 8 digits but netted mid 7 digits. We both come from what you could call nothing. As the DW, she benefited from early wealth, stayed home, no pressure to work, nice SUV, nice home. Well, went out on my own and got my ass kicked by financial crisis. She had to go back to work in her mid-late 40's to help us survive. She is pissed. I am slowly growing a business, and to build anything is hard. I am not yet 50, I can see how I will hit my business will hit its stride in my fifties and will grow to mid 7 digits with 15-20% margins. So, when most guys I know are worried about getting laid off, I will have built a nice business. Problem is she has no faith in me. She see's challenges that we experienced during financial crisis and takes me as a failure. I'm like hey shoe me anyone else that we grew up with that has had my success, and that I will be successful again. But, she has no risk tolerance, liked the fact that she stayed home, heck even before we had kids in her mid 30's she stayed home. Sounds sexist, but I think she got spoiled. Life has its ups and downs. So, that's definitely part of it. But, for better or worse. I think it is harder on women in affluent communities - the women are harder on each other and more competitive. Sure, there are things that my kids have had to go without, but perhaps that will give them drive to compete in the world. I know it gave me drive.

You made your bed.

You pick this type of woman and now you are stuck with the REAL person you married, which is a shallow, selfish, freeloading bitch. She is completely ungrateful for the life she had and does not realize that life is full of peaks and valleys. God damn, I cook for my family and call it sexist, but I treat my DH like a king, no way in HELL would I tell him to eat something else or get off the sofa. There have been times that I've poorly planned dinner and I ended up making an excuse for not eating so my family could eat and for that my DH only needs to bring home six figures and I meet him with another six.

I bet if she were not a washed up middle aged woman, she would dump your ass for a bigger payday. For all the money you figured out how to make, you did not seem to have a dime of common sense when it came to picking a mate.

OMG - this is so funny and so true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -
Everyone knows you're entitled to the big piece of chicken!
Handle that.

Signed,
A DW that sympathizes

Chris Rock: The Real Daddys
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOPPjDUV1lo&feature=kp

+1 love Chris Rock!