Where to find non-immature single men in their 30s?

[Anonymous]

Reading through the lines of your post, you really sound like a lot of the women I knew when I was junior in my career who could never find a man that met all of her requirements.

And the requirements are pretty arbitrary, for example, just because one does not have an upper middle class background doesn't mean they won't like fine restaurants and the Kennedy center. I knew a lot of rich kids growing up who hated that kind of stuff, and I currently know lots of people with blue collar backgrounds who are into fine things. It's what the person is doing now that is important.

You might try to find someone that you click with and see if you have a lot in common in terms of ideas and thoughts.

Here's thought - think of one of your guy friends that you really like spending time with, but think you're not that into him because "he's not tall enough" or "he only works as a social worker" or something. That's probably the guy you should marry.

[Anonymous]

OP writing. Hardworking is important because I have dated people in the past who were lacking ambition and the desire to grow personally/professionally and it didn't work with my outlook on life. Someone with a healthy work ethic as well as good work-life balance would be ideal. Also, regarding arbitrary preferences, they are only that -- a preference. Non-negotiables are a different thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP writing. Hardworking is important because I have dated people in the past who were lacking ambition and the desire to grow personally/professionally and it didn't work with my outlook on life. Someone with a healthy work ethic as well as good work-life balance would be ideal. Also, regarding arbitrary preferences, they are only that -- a preference. Non-negotiables are a different thing.

Most men I've met in DC in their 30s who have ambition and a desire to grow personally and professionally have had really shitty work/life balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP writing. Hardworking is important because I have dated people in the past who were lacking ambition and the desire to grow personally/professionally and it didn't work with my outlook on life. Someone with a healthy work ethic as well as good work-life balance would be ideal. Also, regarding arbitrary preferences, they are only that -- a preference. Non-negotiables are a different thing.

translated:

seeking stable provider to meet my expectations of future standard of living

[Anonymous]

Well, I guess they wouldn't be for me then. I don't think those are mutually exclusive. Like I said, it's about balance, it is possible to have a job and not totally ignore your friends, partner, and family. Some men I'm sure choose to put other people on the back burner because its easier for them to deal with work and not deal with relating to people and their emotions and needs. Because I'd like to get married and have a family someday, this attentiveness to balance isn't something that I'll negotiate on in the future. I'd want my future children to have a loving, attentive relationship with both parents.

[Anonymous]

OP to 14:46: I specifically wrote that I support myself well. I don't need a meal ticket, I'd like an equal partner in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP to 14:46: I specifically wrote that I support myself well. I don't need a meal ticket, I'd like an equal partner in life.

Then consider the men "beneath" you who are, perhaps, college educated but not focusing their lives around their careers. HR directors, account managers, whatever - men bringing in 50-75K who won't need you to support them and save and spend wisely, but aren't ever going to pull in the 6 figures it sounds like you're looking for.

FWIW that's what I did. I make far more than DH but he is all of the things you listed - mature, hardworking, sensible with money, handsome, funny, the right blend of cultured and athletic, and most of all loving. He puts his family before anything, ANYTHING, else in life and I don't think you meet many career-driven men you could say that for. You're going to have to make a trade-off somewhere, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I guess they wouldn't be for me then. I don't think those are mutually exclusive. Like I said, it's about balance, it is possible to have a job and not totally ignore your friends, partner, and family. Some men I'm sure choose to put other people on the back burner because its easier for them to deal with work and not deal with relating to people and their emotions and needs. Because I'd like to get married and have a family someday, this attentiveness to balance isn't something that I'll negotiate on in the future. I'd want my future children to have a loving, attentive relationship with both parents.

Sure, but if you prioritize meeting someone who is ambitious and professionally driven, and you search for potential mates based on those criteria, please do not be surprised when they fail to be the family man you want. I am divorced from someone who would absolutely identify as a person with good work/life balance as well as someone who is professionally driven and extremely successful in his field. One of the main reasons we divorced was that at the end of the day, his ambition and professional accolades meant more to him than our family life did. Does not mean that DD doesn't have a loving attentive relationship with him. She is just really used to "Daddy is at a work party" and "Daddy is on a work trip". I am in a relationship with someone at the upper edge of his 30s who manages to be professionally engaged and excited about his work while still being able to put family first. They're not mutually exclusive. This city, however, rewards professional ambition in men a lot more than it rewards attention to family. Surely this is not the first time you're hearing THAT.

[Anonymous]

^ Definitely open to that. My most recent relationship, he was actually in a skilled labor position, however he was unfortunately not suitable for actual deal-breaker reasons.

[Anonymous]

Women have gotten so dumb over the years.

Thirty/forty years ago women were racking their brains trying to figure out how to break through the glass ceiling; now they can't even figure out how to f%cking meet somebody.

Geezus...

[Anonymous]

OP I don't think likes to go to Kennedy Center should be a dealbreaker. It seems like a silly quality to focus on. If he is a great guy he will go with you once in a while or if he won't go with you, go with your girlfriends. Don't be so focused on his socioeconomic class growing up. I met my husband at krav maga. He isn't into art and music but several times a year he will go with me to performances. In fact this year he bought Nutcracker tickets on his own. He grew up technically upper middle class but he was never exposed to it growing up. Even if he had been, he would still think it was boring. Lol. Good luck to you. Dating is hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP to 14:46: I specifically wrote that I support myself well. I don't need a meal ticket, I'd like an equal partner in life.

Exactly. To meet your expectations of future standard of living

These code words like in so many other cases reveal the truth

If he is already presumably supporting himself then what's the big deal if he makes less than you

[Anonymous]

OP writing. Well, thanks to the people who had good suggestions and anecdotes.

For those who just want to call all women stupid or take out their misdirected aggression or insecurity, you're really not helpful, but hope it made you feel better to put others down.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm the divorced-from-ambitious-man poster up thread. People I know have met great partners on Match.com and other dating sites. You might also look around at non-bar hobby type places you frequent. That guy you see every day getting coffee might be worth talking to. The guy you see at the gym too. The man I am in a relationship with now is actually someone I've known for years. I got divorced, we went out. It was kind of strange at first, but don't rule out those guy friends who you've always had a great connection with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. If you want a partner and think bars aren't a good way to meet a partner, then stop spending so much time in bars.

2. Your "stable" and "upper-middle class background" filters will filter out many men. Why should it be immediately disqualifying if you meet a senior associate/junior partner type whose dad was a laborer?


3. I'm also wondering if you're pretty much looking for a "four sixes" sort of guys: double six figure salary, 6' tall, 6-pack abs, and 6" down there. If so, you're entitled to your preferences, BUT get in line and you'd better bring your A-Game looks and personality wise.

You might as well just look for a unicorn. Even just taking the first two into account, youre at like 5% of men.