What is a fair contribution from Fiance living in my house?

[Anonymous]

He is living with you because it is convenient and beneficial for him, and not because he wants to join your family unit.
At this point he doesn't even see himself as a true member of your household. "They are not his kids and this is my house"...really?? Will he still feel this way when you get married?

[Anonymous]

Why would he move out? He has a built-in cook, maid, and gets laid regularly. He is a user. No good guy would hoard his cash while taking advantage of you like this. Cut him loose.

[Anonymous]

0955++

[Anonymous]

a DH here, and I agree w/ above ... DTMF ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is living with you because it is convenient and beneficial for him, and not because he wants to join your family unit.
At this point he doesn't even see himself as a true member of your household. "They are not his kids and this is my house"...really?? Will he still feel this way when you get married?

+1

This person is going to become your husband and a father to your children. Marry you, marry the children....it's a package deal. This is not how you treat the family you love.

[Anonymous]

OP, this man doesn't love you. He is using you. Don't let him keep manipulating you into thinking otherwise. Kick him out today.

[Anonymous]

OMG. Run, run RUN. do not pass go, do not collect $200, just end it now. cut your losses and move on. No decent man (in his 40s! no less!) who wants to be part of your life and family would argue that he shouldn't have to pay rent because he could be living with his parents for free.

now, if he hadn't exhibited these attitudes, and you were moving in together for the first time, and you were just trying to figure out what ws fair, I would suggest a split of household expenses (mortgage, utilities, food) based on income; or establishing a 'rent' and 1/2 of food, utilities, etc.

[Anonymous]

My fiance and I are in our early 40's and have been living together for four years in my house with my two children from a previous marriage, he has never been married and has no children. He also owns two houses that he collects rent from. The first year that he lived here he didn't pay anything (we split food shopping at first, then he paid for all) and wasn't working steady since he needed some down time and had enough money saved to do so. He then got a job that pays really well about 3x more than me and that is me including my child support with that, (he does work more hours than me). I also have a tenant that pays about 44% of mortgage and no utilities detached from house. I felt he should chip in financially, not fair that I pay all the bills. So he took the cable bill, and gives money which is about equal to half of electric bill and about 70% of the food shopping cost. I pay mortgage, anything that breaks, oil, water, everything else. During this period he has had the opportunity to save thousands, so he can retire very early. I get a good amount for child support and alimony but am living check to check, with their father being behind. I am also dishing out thousands to pay a lawyer to finalize the divorce which was prolonged for medical insurance reasons (which of course is my issue, just trying to give an idea of bills) I rarely buy anything for myself and buy only necessary clothes for kids and some extras, I have never owned a new car. They do not have smart phones or tablets, they saved birthday money to buy their own laptops, I do give them spending money for ice cream and to go to movies and such and was trying to put a little away for college (which is only 3 years away for one). I have never been materialistic and would never be with someone for what they can buy me. We split when we go out to eat. We split if we go away. He does buy me nice presents for occasions and takes me away for birthdays. I do the majority of the cleaning and yard maintenance, he has repaired things in the past and helps with yard work, decorating for the holidays etc. "as favors, since it is my house" (I pay for the items), (I have also helped out with things his houses needed between tenants, painting, cleaning, raking etc.) he does dishes, garbage etc. My house is in need of more repairs that I don't have the money for (roof , plumbing, but can still wait), but it is well kept and clean. We can not agree what would be a fair amount for him to contribute. He feels that since they are not his kids and not his house, that the amount he gives now is too much, I feel it is not enough. I suggested we live in one of his houses and I rent my house out and profit for awhile, but that is out of the question, cause his houses are a "business". It doesn't cost him anything to live at his parents and feels I am the one benefiting by him living here and contributing to any of the bills, since without him living there I would get nothing. I really need some feedback or advice from an outsider, am I being greedy by wanting him to financially chip in more or should he be paying more of a percent? These issues are building resentment, I wish there was a formula (income, %, kids, bills) Thanks for reading if you made it all the way through, any suggestions are appreciated.

[Anonymous]

He is saving money, growing equity in his rentals, and has already had the sweat deal for awhile.
50/50 at minimum since he makes more.I'd recalculate all the expenses from the time he moved in- except the house repairs.
I'd be more worried about him not caring enough to offer to pay more specially if you are nice frugal lady and he makes 3X more. He should appreciate the frugality since he clearly likes/wants/saves money-rentals and all.Are you sure he loves you and wants to marry you?
He is blind as a bat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not ask him to pay 50/50? I assume if you're engaged and living together that you should feel comfortable to ask him and he should be willing to pay his share. If not, than take it as a red flag.

Sorta sounds like he's a mooch with bare minimal contributions and you sound like you're a doormat b/c you haven't said anything for 4 years and you feel "guilty" about asking him.

I have asked and he says that he is not there to support me and kids that are not his, and that he should not have to pay rent like a tenant, but doesn't want to split things like an engaged couple. Not sure if bills should be added up and divided by 4 or figure who uses how much and what. He says "why should he split electric for a pool pump that he doesn't use" etc. Just want to figure out what is fair and agreeable for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is saving money, growing equity in his rentals, and has already had the sweat deal for awhile.
50/50 at minimum since he makes more.I'd recalculate all the expenses from the time he moved in- except the house repairs.
I'd be more worried about him not caring enough to offer to pay more specially if you are nice frugal lady and he makes 3X more. He should appreciate the frugality since he clearly likes/wants/saves money-rentals and all.Are you sure he loves you and wants to marry you?
He is blind as a bat.

He wants to be with me, but marriage, not sure, I know he does not ever want to split his stuff he worked for with anyone if it were to end and wants a pre-nup for his houses. I would never do that, unless of course he was cheating then all rules go out the window.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is saving money, growing equity in his rentals, and has already had the sweat deal for awhile.
50/50 at minimum since he makes more.I'd recalculate all the expenses from the time he moved in- except the house repairs.
I'd be more worried about him not caring enough to offer to pay more specially if you are nice frugal lady and he makes 3X more. He should appreciate the frugality since he clearly likes/wants/saves money-rentals and all.Are you sure he loves you and wants to marry you?
He is blind as a bat.

He wants to be with me, but marriage, not sure, I know he does not ever want to split his stuff he worked for with anyone if it were to end and wants a pre-nup for his houses. I would never do that, unless of course he was cheating then all rules go out the window.

Ok OP. Assuming you still want to marry this guy, WHICH I THINK IS A TERRIBLE IDEA:

A pre-nup is absolutely essential. He wants to protect his property. You have property and children to protect as well. However, when you are married, you will either need to buy a 4th house as marital property, or you will need to live in one of the 3 homes you already own between the two of you and divide all of the expenses related to that home equally between the two of you, since he is unwilling to comingle finances with you.

Even typing that, I feel sick for you. This is not the sort of relationship you want - a man who is unwilling to support you when times are tough (which they are, if you have to wait for one check to clear before writing another one), who does not consider your children worthy of his support. You are talking about what is "fair and agreeable" to everyone, but really, what you mean is "fair and agreeable" to him and minimally acceptable for you.

Expect more of yourself. You deserve a partner who acts like a partner. This is not that person.

[Anonymous]

Sad, sad, sad. Please make the clown move out. Don't this be the romantic relationship you model for your children.

You are worthy of a generous man. This guy will never be that.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a spoiled college student son who's moved home with Mommy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your post makes me so, so sad. Of course he shouldn't be paying your lawyer bills or buying your kids iPads, but I cannot imagine a good guy who is committed to your family standing by watching while you struggle to make your mortgage payment and still insisting on splitting dinner.

I generally agree with everyone else on this thread that you need to cut him loose because he's clearly not on the same page as you, but before going there, does he know how thin you're stretched? If he knows and still behaves this way, he'd come home to his stuff on the lawn with a note saying "Enjoy life at your mom's house!" But the fact that you are not young people and have been together a while indicates to me that he's just not a good partner. Cut him loose. You already have two kids. Why would you want to add a third?

He does know, a few months ago I asked if he could pick up the electric bill just one time to help me catch up, when I had a lot of unexpected expenses hit me at one time (car repair, lawyer & doctor fees). He said if he did it once then it would be expected and went through all of my bills and incoming money and felt I should be fine.