What is a fair contribution from Fiance living in my house?

[Sabrina55]

My fiance and I are in our early 40's and have been living together for four years in my house with my two children from a previous marriage, he has never been married and has no children. He also owns two houses that he collects rent from. The first year that he lived here he didn't pay anything (we split food shopping at first, then he paid for all) and wasn't working steady since he needed some down time and had enough money saved to do so. He then got a job that pays really well about 3x more than me and that is me including my child support with that, (he does work more hours than me). I also have a tenant that pays about 44% of mortgage and no utilities detached from house. I felt he should chip in financially, not fair that I pay all the bills. So he took the cable bill, and gives money which is about equal to half of electric bill and about 70% of the food shopping cost. I pay mortgage, anything that breaks, oil, water, everything else. During this period he has had the opportunity to save thousands, so he can retire very early. I get a good amount for child support and alimony but am living check to check, with their father being behind. I am also dishing out thousands to pay a lawyer to finalize the divorce which was prolonged for medical insurance reasons (which of course is my issue, just trying to give an idea of bills) I rarely buy anything for myself and buy only necessary clothes for kids and some extras, I have never owned a new car. They do not have smart phones or tablets, they saved birthday money to buy their own laptops, I do give them spending money for ice cream and to go to movies and such and was trying to put a little away for college (which is only 3 years away for one). I have never been materialistic and would never be with someone for what they can buy me. We split when we go out to eat. We split if we go away. He does buy me nice presents for occasions and takes me away for birthdays. I do the majority of the cleaning and yard maintenance, he has repaired things in the past and helps with yard work, decorating for the holidays etc. "as favors, since it is my house" (I pay for the items), (I have also helped out with things his houses needed between tenants, painting, cleaning, raking etc.) he does dishes, garbage etc. My house is in need of more repairs that I don't have the money for (roof , plumbing, but can still wait), but it is well kept and clean. We can not agree what would be a fair amount for him to contribute. He feels that since they are not his kids and not his house, that the amount he gives now is too much, I feel it is not enough. I suggested we live in one of his houses and I rent my house out and profit for awhile, but that is out of the question, cause his houses are a "business". It doesn't cost him anything to live at his parents and feels I am the one benefiting by him living here and contributing to any of the bills, since without him living there I would get nothing. I really need some feedback or advice from an outsider, am I being greedy by wanting him to financially chip in more or should he be paying more of a percent? These issues are building resentment, I wish there was a formula (income, %, kids, bills) Thanks for reading if you made it all the way through, any suggestions are appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Why aren't you splitting everything 50/50? Not the major repairs, although I would argue he should pick that up too. But everything associated with the daily living (mortgage, utilities, cleaning, food, yard) should be split evenly.

Unless you eat a huge amount of only organic food and the mortgage you pay is $500, it sounds like he has a sweet deal.

[Anonymous]

Read your own post three times. Then realize that you already know what you need to do.

[Anonymous]

Since you own the house, he should pay what he would have to pay to rent the place, and half the utilities and half food. Renting a one bedroom in a group house is anywhere from 1000 to 1500.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PPs. On some level he thinks he's doing you a favor or something. He's not. Demand half and don't be surprised if he scoffs at you, even walks out. Hold your ground. Unless you are so desperate that you are willing to accept less. Then don't say anything and carry on. You determine your own worth -- emotionally and financially. I would pay half if it were me.

[Anonymous]

Why not ask him to pay 50/50? I assume if you're engaged and living together that you should feel comfortable to ask him and he should be willing to pay his share. If not, than take it as a red flag.

Sorta sounds like he's a mooch with bare minimal contributions and you sound like you're a doormat b/c you haven't said anything for 4 years and you feel "guilty" about asking him.

[Anonymous]

I'm not from the area so don't know the laws but once you get married doesn't the home become the matrimonial home and so if you divorce he would be entitled to half? Even if that weren't the case I would expect him to pay half. I'm sorry, it sounds like he's a mooch and a cheapskate. He has all this extra income and won't pony up half?

[Anonymous]

You two should reconsider getting married. You are not on the same page.

[Anonymous]

I think there is a much bigger issue here than the rent. He is taking advantage of you, and he sounds like a huge asshole. You need to kick him out and find someone with some decency. And even if you don't, being alone is better than being with an asshole.

[Anonymous]

I think the major problem is you guys shouldn't be living together. Once you're married he should be taking on the responsibility of a husband and father (yes, he'll be a father to your two kids aka step-father). That means he'll be paying at least half, if not all (if you decide to SAH, etc...). Find out if these are his intentions. Also, have him move to his parents until you are married. You're having typical problems from people shacking up versus putting a ring on it.

[Anonymous]

Dump the moocher!

[Anonymous]

He thinks he's doing you a favor by paying any bills at all, because he could live with his parents for free? Dump him and let him do just that. This guy does not see you guys as being on the same team.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe you let this guy live in the same house as your kids.

[Anonymous]

He feels that since they are not his kids and this is my house, that the amount he gives now is too much, I feel it is not enough. I suggested we live in one of his houses and I rent my house out and profit for awhile, but that is out of the question, cause his houses are a "business". It doesn't cost him anything to live at his parents and feels I am the one benefiting by him living here and contributing to any of the bills.

Do not marry this man. Make him move out and do not look back.

Do you really need DCUM to tell you this?

[Anonymous]

OP, your post makes me so, so sad. Of course he shouldn't be paying your lawyer bills or buying your kids iPads, but I cannot imagine a good guy who is committed to your family standing by watching while you struggle to make your mortgage payment and still insisting on splitting dinner.

I generally agree with everyone else on this thread that you need to cut him loose because he's clearly not on the same page as you, but before going there, does he know how thin you're stretched? If he knows and still behaves this way, he'd come home to his stuff on the lawn with a note saying "Enjoy life at your mom's house!" But the fact that you are not young people and have been together a while indicates to me that he's just not a good partner. Cut him loose. You already have two kids. Why would you want to add a third?