What do people mean when they say 2 kids is really hard?
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Anonymous
And it's not just the toddler years! My kids are 5 and 8 and still do this! To add another factor: my firstborn was, is and will always be a more demanding, difficult child than #2. I thought having kids 3 years apart would be easy but it was still really really difficult in the beginning for all the reasons already stated but also with a demanding, high strung child. My point is that a child's personality can also add to stress. And you may have an easy one now but you never know what you could get with child #2. |
Anonymous
| And not only does it depend on your children's personalities, but also on your own and your partner's. also, things like commute, money, job, your own parents- those all factor into how stressful life is and obviously kids can exacerbate those stresses. |
Anonymous
I'm the SAHM pp with 2 under 3. Another factor, if you work, is how flexible your job is. When I was working, I had one job that I hated, but I would have had the flexibility to run errands in the middle of the week (without kids!) and come home early and do work after the kids were asleep. Another job I had, pre-kids, which I loved was the opposite. I was required to be in the office, didn't have remote access on my computer, had a strict 1 hour lunch, etc. I could never have managed that with kids. |
Anonymous
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I'm taking a 5 min break while DH is getting them ready for bed upstairs and just the sound of all of that -- him asking #1 to do something, #2 whining about something, #1 singing a song and ignoring DH, DH asking a second time, someone yelling about something, ... It just goes on and on and exhausts me down from a distance.
For me the biggest thing is that they each have their own needs - sometimes (usually?) different, but overlapping. So you are constantly juggling from one to another. But this is mostly when we are trying to get something done - meals, getting ready in the AM, etc. When they are playing nicely together it is the most awesome thing in the world! |
Anonymous
| - This thread is so honest and depressing!!!! [Says someone who is pregnant with #2 and they will be 24 months apart] |
Anonymous
Yes. Regarding the first year, I agree with this. (Minus the nasty and condescending attitude.) It's definitely a juggle the first year, and you will likely lose whatever downtime you may have had with one. That first year, I felt like I was always "on," and it was exhausting. (Though I've observed that the larger the spacing between DC#1 and DC#2, the easier the first-year transition will be on you, the parent.) Beyond the first year, having two is still more challenging than one, but it does get easier. Ours are now 5 and 2. Nights and naps are a breeze. Both sleep well and on almost the same schedules, so we get plenty of downtime then. When they're awake, it's definitely more challenging than either one alone would be. For me, it's managing all the different needs and requests coming my way. Yes, they play together quite well and they often entertain each other without help for large stretches. But they both have different needs/requests/complaints . . . and also all sorts of adorable observations/comments/songs/silly games, too. So both positive and negative, it can feel to me like a lot to juggle. I'm a terrible multi-tasker, so I try to be intentional about doing one thing at a time, which is tough with two kids (even though individually they're both very easy kids.) And then there are the logistics -- getting everyone bathed, dressed, fed and out the door. Everything takes more effort and time. I'm not sure it's exactly twice as much. But definitely more. Plus sick days. Two kids usually means twice the sick days. On the plus side, I really love having two. Each is an amazing child, and together they have a relationship and a connection that takes my breath away at timees. Watching them interact and play is one of my favorite things in life. It's almost impossible to imagine one without the other at this point. I will say the smartest thing I've done is to arrange my schedule so I get regular one-on-one time with each child. It's a consistent part of our lives, and it's very important to me. In those stretches I'm able to connect more deeply and really eangage at their level rather than try to split the difference with their sibling's interests/needs. I've also realized that I'm infinitely more patient and relaxed when I'm with only one. It's helped me realize that most of my frustration at this point is about the "juggle," not about either child on their own. (Put another way, when I'm with only one, it feels MUCH EASIER in every way than having both.) |
Anonymous
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It's going to be one parent with each kid when you've got 2 - at least if its 3 or less years apart. The nap thing sucks. You'll always have one needing nap in the AM do on weekends it's super hard to do anything. The personalities are another thing too though most have 1 easier than the other like we do too (#2). I think what's hard is that there's always one who might be sick, might be fussing, might be fighting over a toy - it's always something. Mentally if not physically its really exhausting. While I live having a boy and a girl, this means hand me downs don't work and it sounds silly but it's just more stuff to get and need since you have to think about different genders. Does this help?
On the bright side once they get to a certain age it's more fun. But the first 18M - 2 yrs is really really hard. I would like to suggest a 3+ yr age difference would make things easier but I don't know as mine are 2 1/2 yrs apart. But personally if I waited 4-5 yrs I don't think I'd want to go through all the baby stuff again - sleepless nights etc.  . I wanted to get the 2 children done and move forward with non baby life within 5 yrs
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Anonymous
| 2 is hard if you have 1 as miserable as people have described on this thread. Sounds like people are raising monsters, not children. We have 3 under 4 and yes, it's tiring and time consuming, but no one's running away, they eat the same meal or don't eat that night, they understand we're a family and we love one another so it's a lot of playing together and helping one another. It's all perspective folks. Expect them to control your lives and they will. Keep control of your lives and kids are a wonderful compliment to it. |
Anonymous
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Here is our situation...
DD was a dream baby. Slept 12 hours at 6 weeks, never had a cold until she was 13 months, always happy, our friends nicknamed her "the baby that never cries" because she was always happy and smiley. Still I would shower every 3 days or so, could never eat a whole meal without interruption and I could not remember when I last had a warm meal until I went to the hospital to have #2. DH travels for work so I did most of everything on my own. He's home 2 days every 7 days. DS was born when she was 21 months old. That's when my world turned upside down. To begin with, our sitter bailed out on us so DH was not there for the birth because he had to watch DD. DS was in the NICU for the longest time I can remember. Pumping around the clock is the only thing that comes to my mind when I talk about recovery. At home it was insane. He had trouble latching, I had too much milk, DD is still a doll but she's a toddler so potty training her while the baby cries is not fun. For example, I remember struggling to latch him and when I finally got him in she'd scream MOMMY I NEED TO GO POTTY! Several times I unlatched him, other times she just pissed herself because I didn't want to stop nursing. Other times DD would come to me screaming in the middle of me rocking DS to sleep. Not to mention they never sleep at the same time so there's no real down time anymore. Every time we go somewhere someone has a melt down. they never feel like eating the same food even though I'm doing baby led weaning with DS. Now that DD is in pre-school she brings home all sorts of viruses so we always have someone sick in the house. We just finished yet another round of antibiotics because DS had bronchitis from a cold that didn't go away. Just last night our both champ sleepers would not go to sleep. They're pretty good at that but last night they decided they didn't want to sleep. I have no idea why. It's been very very difficult but I'd never have it any other way. I love them both to pieces and I'm having a lot of fun. It's a short phase and I"m trying to enjoy every single day. We have awesome pictures and to see DS eyes light up when DD walks into the room is priceless. But we're not having #3 LOL. |
Anonymous
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The first 2 years of having two kids is hard but after that I find it easier. Yes they argue but they also entertain each other. They also look out for each other, which I love
It's a lot of work but its also a lot of joy. Im so so glad we had two even as hard as the first year, especially, was on me (ppd). |
Anonymous
| Yes, it is hard but people on this thread seem to be just concentrating on the bad parts and seeing everything as a horrible challenge. For us the the biggest life change was going from 0 to 1, boy were we unprepared for that. After that each addition was chaotic at the beginning mostly because of sleep deprivation and then we pretty quickly adjusted to the new flow. We have 4 (11, 8, 5 and 2) and love it. |
Anonymous
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Just curious: how many of you who posted have family who live in the area who can help out? I'm going to assume none, but just wanted to make sure. My friend who has 2 under 3 is always saying how she would never have done them that close if her mom didn't live nearby and was willing to help out frequently.
Our #2 is due when #1 will be 26 mo old. I feel an overwhelming need to hide under the bed after reading this thread. |
Anonymous
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Tonight: 3 year old tried to break through the door to the merry go round in the mall and I was afraid she was going to hurt herself. 2 year old will run away as fast as he can if I let go of his hand. I was also holding a bag of food and a drink with my other hand. Had to put down food and drink, pick up 2 year old, run after 3 year old, drag her kicking and screaming out to a safe place while holding the 2 year old, put her in timeout in the middle of the mall while holding the 2 year old, and then had to drag them both back to pick up my bag and my drink. Not enough hands to do it all...
Playground without a fence: One kid runs one way, one runs the other. Both lead to streets with cars. Which one do I chase first? Repeat these same kinds of situations on a daily basis, and it gets hard. I like having 2 kids, but it's way harder than having just 1. |
Anonymous
I hae a sister who lives in the area, so we do get some help. Both sets of parents do not live near us, though. Each family's set of circumstances is different though...our first was adopted and we had a lot of unique issues around bonding and other stuff that people with bio children don't have to go through. Our second was biological and we had a big learning curve because it was our first newborn and it was hard for us to through that learning when we had an older needy child. |
Anonymous
| ...older kids. They never stop talking. They both have "crises" real and imagined. They compete like crazy. Expenses are doubled. They like different foods, people, sports -- two schedules. DH not home so much. |